BELIEVE in your Infinite Worth

Step 1: B

Believe in your INFINITE Worth.

We are conditioned, by the world we grew up in, to believe that our worth- or our value- 

is something that must be defined in finite terms.

I am of value, because I am beautiful.

I am of value, because I am thin.

I am of value, because I am intelligent.

I am of value, because I have an education.

I am of value, because I play the piano well.

I am of value, because I am fashionable.

Etc, Etc, Etc

The danger in defining worth in these finite ways is that whenever something happens to challenge our thinking, our faith in our own value crumbles.

When I started college, I defined myself very clearly.  I was beautiful, I was intelligent, and I was talented.  I felt very confident in myself and in my abilities and had a very healthy self esteem.  I knew that I could do anything.  

However, it didn't take me very long, to realize I was surrounded by other women who were gorgeous, talented, and intelligent. 

 I suddenly felt very small, and insignificant, and began to challenge the picture I had painted for myself of who I was. Then the rosy future I had planned began to falter.  I got very sick and couldn't sing- which was a HUGE part of my self defined identity, and my MAJOR.  My 2 1/2 year relationship with my boyfriend ended (it was mutual, but it was still a huge readjustment for me mentally).  I fell head over heels for another boy who didn't love me back, and then to top it off I overheard myself being described as an airhead by a close friend.  

Can you imagine how I felt?  

Everything I had used to define myself had been challenged.

 

One night in particular, I felt...so alone...so completely alone.  Most of my friends and pretty much the entire campus was at a fancy dance that I had VERY much wanted to attend, and had not been invited to. I had been very sick recently, and had been told by a doctor that it was "all in my head" and that I needed to wake up and realize that I wasn't the perfect person I thought I was, and to admit to myself that I had sins I hadn't repented of, or I wouldn't be feeling this way." (I ended up having an undiagnosed heart condition that was surgically repaired a few years later...take THAT shady doctor!)  

Anyway I was lying on our picnic table in our front yard staring up at the stars, and feeling so very alone, when I began to sing "Somewhere Out There" softly to myself.  Far away I had a tiny little 7 year old sister, and we would sing that song to each other over the phone when she missed me.  (Shannon) 

 I realized, as I sang the words that there was someone out there who loved me no matter what,
 not just my little sister,

but God, my Loving Father in Heaven.

 

I felt suddenly encompassed by a warm blanket, even though the night was chilly, and felt my Fathers love for me, and my infinite worth to him, in that moment.  INFINITE.  

Never ending, and without limits.

 My life didn't suddenly get easier.  I didn't meet my prince charming the next day, and my health didn't get better for years to come.  But in that moment I realized that my value, and my worth, had nothing to do with the ways I had defined myself.  I began to work a little harder on appreciating my relationship with my father in heaven.  When things got worse, he was there beside me.

Ladies, WE put the limits on our value.  We are the ones who believe we are only of worth "if we are __________".  

Our Father in Heaven loves us no matter what.

 He loves us in our weak moments, as much as he loves us when we are

doing something Amazing.

You are a princess, a Daughter of a King.  And when YOU know and BELIEVE in this infinite worth, everything else becomes a little less important.  You are freed from the restraints you have put upon your own value, and you can become whatever, whomever you want to become.  

I challenge you this week, to find faith in yourself and your relationship with God.  Get down on your knees, even if you think you have forgotten how, and simply talk.  Ask your father in heaven for a little more confidence in your own value.  I promise you, if you ask- in faith, you will find the answers you are looking for.

I want to share a video that shows one Young Woman's Journey through self discovery.  Lindsay Stirling is a favorite in our house, and after watching this, we love her a little more- if that's even possible.

-Aleesha Bake

See Aleesha's original post at: Break Through: The plan

Break Through

My wonderful sister Aleesha, who has always been an inspiration to me, has brilliant thoughts that I want people to learn about.  Over the next couple of weeks as I work to learn more about the women around me, and what to focus my own posts on, Aleesha will be writing several posts centered on the idea of Breaking Through, and I will be featuring them gratefully on here.  I Invite you to read her words of wisdom and courage and see another woman working to break through the grey.  I would also like to remind anyone reading to feel free to send me what grey you are going through so that I can better understand the women I write for.  It doesn't matter how old you are- it matters.  This is the first of Aleesha's posts, please enjoy. 

 We, as women, come from all different aspects of life.  

Some of us are married, some of us are single,

 some of us have happy homes with loving husbands 

and some of us are struggling valiantly to raise a family alone. 

 Wherever, and whomever, you are - we each fight the same battle daily; a battle to overcome the doubts that rise within us. Its a battle to feel good about ourselves and who we are.

  We are battling to withstand the onslaught of the world, its views about womanhood, and our value as individuals.  

In the past few months I have read page after page of blog posts addressing this grey-ness that overcomes us all.  "Believe in yourself" they say.  "You are Enough" is the battle-cry".  I'll admit it's heartwarming to read through the never-ending feel good articles of women patting each other on the back.  "I feel this way too," I will think, as I read yet another article about a woman who struggles to feel important.

But sometimes, I wonder..."Is there more to this story"?  

WHY do we feel this doubt and what can we do to really fight against it, instead of just reading articles telling us that we are good enough.  I mean, don't misunderstand me, I enjoy posts encouraging women to believe they are beautiful, but if we don't believe it ourselves, what good did the message from a stranger do?  I know personally, it might make me smile for about 10 seconds, till I walk back into the reality of my chaotic world.

I wonder, how can we effectively wage this war against "The Grey".  How can we convince ourselves and the women in our lives to not just tell themselves that they are good enough, but really believe it?  Ladies we need a PLAN!  And not just some "lose 10 lbs in 10 days or your money back" kind of gimmick, but we need something that will really make a difference in our everyday life. 

I'm not going to pretend to have all the answers, and I am not a professional.  But I have always seemed to have sharpie on my forehead saying "Tell me
your problems", and have been on many a living room sofa with a friend pouring out her heart.   I have seen women struggle and cry and I have been there myself.  I have felt the moments (or centuries) of despair and loneliness.  From these years of encouraging others and learning myself I have formulated a plan.  Its a plan to literally BREAK through the grey.  To fight our way out of feeling like we are somehow less, for whatever reasons we have assigned to ourselves.  And it means work.  

I'm going to outline the plan below, and then each week we will focus on one aspect of the plan.  We can do it ladies, we can move forward into the light, believe in ourselves, and spread that light to the world around us.  But first, we have to break through.

B- Believe in your infinite worth

R- Reject the worlds messages

E- Edify and Educate yourself

A- Accept your weaknesses

K- Know your Strengths

T- Take care of your body

H- Have Daily Prayer

R- Reach outward

O- Obey the commandments

U- Use the scriptures as a tool

G- Give Generously

H- Hear the whisperings of the Spirit

If you can make it past Wednesday

Wednesday.  It is the day in the very middle of the week.  It’s the “hump day” the “peak day” and when I was little, I thought it was my favorite day of the week. Wow. 

 Now Wednesday has become much less of a favorite day and more of a day to survive.  It’s common to get the midweek blues.  We all get them, whether you’re working and counting down to the weekend, or if you’re a Parent and praying for the Friday night date night to get here, or if you’re a student and it brings the blessed time to catch up on homework, or you somewhat non-existent social life.  

No matter who you are- I guarantee at some point in this life, 

you too my friend will face the midweek blues.

Today I have good news though.  The mere fact that you have made it to Wednesday says something about who you are.  You have courage.  

You pushed past Monday, clearly the most infamous and even hated day of the week.

You also made it past Tuesday, which can be compared to the dreaded  rising of a roller coaster.  Think of one of those old wooden ones with the clicking track as it pulls you up the passage. 

Click. Click. Click. (I know. You’re cringing already)

  So now you hit Wednesday, and it’s supposed to be the downward hill…or so you think.  But it’s actually just the peak of the roller coaster, as it curves around and you head very slowly toward the descent.  Imagine that flat, boring, and all-but dragging part.  

And that is Wednesday my friends, but the good news is that you've made the ascent.  That is a huge accomplishment. That takes strength, and faith.  So now you just have to hold on and make it past Wednesday.

Wednesdays are not just part of roller coasters, or simply part of your week- 

they are a huge part of life.  

A part of life you unfortunately cannot get around.  

Right now my Wednesday is a number of things.  One of them is that it actually is Wednesday, my house is messy, and I’m exhausted.  Another example would be work right now-  I love my job, but it’s been extra stressful lately with getting sick (I had a cold for 3 weeks.  It was great. Not.) and just feeling behind.  Our cat (her name is Ainsley) spilled water across the table, which then seeped into our computer, and $1500 later, we have a chunk out of savings a new computer.  That setback is kind of a Wednesday too.  Do you see my pattern with this? 

Wednesdays in life are short times that seem to drag on forever.  They contribute to the grey times in life, and can even be defined AS the grey times in life.  So here’s my theory: 

If you can make it past Wednesday,

 you can make it past anything. 

I know that feeling, when you’re in the middle of a trial or a struggle, and you find yourself thinking- will I ever be past this?  It is so hard to see the end from the middle, and we have all found that to be true.  

It’s a sentiment I have heard echoed time and time again in my own thoughts, and in the frustrations, the conversations, and the desperation of others.  Working at Crisis Line, we hear so many callers looking for a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  But what they seem to forget is that it is temporary…Wednesday is temporary. 

     It always has been, and always will be.

 

Wednesday will pass, and once you've made it to Thursday- it becomes that downhill slope, hopefully easier and not so high stress.  The downward roller coaster is the thrill we wait for, and the ride we enjoy.  And it will come.  But until it does, you just have to make it past Wednesday. 

 Sure it might seem impossible, but that’s what this blog is about-Breaking through the grey, even if it’s “just a Wednesday.”  I've included a list of some daily things that help pick me up. Find your own ways, and what actually works for you- whether it’s a real Wednesday or it’s a proverbial one, you deserve to get past it.  It’s those short period of grey that contribute to longer ones, so we've got to fight them off. 

If you can make it past the little things, the shorter periods of stress, you can make it through anything.

  If you can make it past Wednesday,

 you can make it past anything.

• Say a prayer
• List off all the best moments of your day on a sticky note.  Try and fit them all in ;)
• Drink some water
• Rub your temples
• Take a long,warm shower
• Breathe deeply for about two minutes and ignore EVERYTHING
• Think positive thoughts
• List off AT LEAST 5 things you love about yourself
• Stretch
• Smile. It actually can help. 

And watch this.  It makes a difference. Every single Wednesday I come to. 

Not what we planned,but we're happy with it

Christmas is the one time of the year where you don't look like an idiot going out to the middle of a mountainous forest, and trying to find a christmas tree in the dark.  Or is it?

Well that's exactly what I did. 
I, my husband, and two of our dear friends did anyways...and it was an incredible blast.  We began our journey at about 5:30, and we drove down to Price, UT (with snow, about 1.5 hours away) and picked up our christmas tree permit.  (You have to have a permit to cut down a tree.  I highly suggest you get one before you get pulled over with a gigantic tree on the hood of your car ;) )

The lady at the store was so kind, and showed us on a map where to turn and drive in to find the best trees.  Let me just tell you- we were pumped. Like as pumped up as elves who've just eaten 173 candy canes a piece. Chocolate covered candy canes.

So we drove back up through Price Canyon, aka one of the deadliest roads in the country. (just fyi) and found the turn off to head into the forest. 

 I probably looked a squirrel who just found a bag 

of fresh brazil nuts already cracked and abandoned. 

 At this point, I should tell you though, that it was getting dark...and by getting dark I mean it was so pitch black in the mountains that I started to forget what the sun looks like. (I'm only sort of kidding)

Well...much to our surprise, demise, and frustration...the "forest" was a whole bunch of FAKE pine trees.  

They weren't pines at all, they were the kind of tree the looks like a pine when you're freezing and standing in the dark at -1 degrees, until you get close enough to feel it, and it's not even close to that picturesque Frasier or Douglas fir you are so accustomed to.

The disappointment became more and more poignant with every tree I looked at.  
Now you have to understand, to look at a tree, I had to:

• shuffle through the snow
• climb either up or down half of a mountain
• freeze as I stood there 
• try to decipher if it was a pine or not

  I was only wearing rubber rain boots and jeans with leggings.  Yes, I realize this was probably a bad idea. 

The point I'm getting at here, is that finding your own Christmas tree is not as easy as it is in the cartoon Christmas movies. 

Honestly, as I decorated our little bitty stick of a tree, which we finally found atop a steep hill, and filled my home with Christmas Cheer, I started to realize- this tree is quite symbolic for my life.  

It wasn't really what I had planned on finding, but I am incredibly happy with it. 

 Life isn't always what we expect..sometimes the pine tree is just a stupid fake pine, and sometimes it's actually a porcupine.  Sometimes the tree is entirely elusive and you never find it at all.  And every now and then, you find the most luscious

 evergreen you've ever laid eyes on. 

But whether you end up with a True Christmas Tree, or a little Christmas Stick, isn't the hunt worth your time?  Life does not always turn out the way we expect.  

We have all felt that sentiment to be true. 

But looking back- even if it isn't what you planned, you can still be happy with it. 

My intention with this story of the infamous Christmas Stick Hunt, is not to tell you of how we can decorate our apartment, but rather how you can look back on your life and find happiness even if it is not what you planned on.  

I certainly thought by now that I would be some musical sensation, changing lives and chasing all my dreams.  I thought I wouldn't still live in Provo. I thought I would be almost finished with school. 

Even when my dreams changed after high school, I thought by this time I surely would have life figured out, that I would have my act entirely together.  I thought I would be well on my way to motivational speaking and singing for everyone to hear.  

Then when I changed all my plans this summer, and married the man of my dreams, I thought for sure by Christmas we would have everything planned out, that we would be a year out from graduation.  I thought we would be building our family by now. 

And when I begin to dwell on all those long-past dreams, even outgrown dreams, I can begin to feel that familiar sadness of what we could also call forgotten dreams. But just as I found myself moving past the idea of the ideal Douglas fir, and falling in love with a tiny stick of a pine, with spiky needles, and very little splendor to it...we can also move past dreams we should have long since let go of.  It is okay to change your dreams.  They are yours, and they can be whatever you want.  

I've learned that life changes around you, and your dreams too must change, for the better.  

So even though we may begin with the dream of finding a massive Christmas Tree to rival that of St. Nicholas himself, we learn that we can also be happy with a tiny one we found while we were laughing with our best friends, while holding hands in the cold winter air 

with the love of our life.  

Is my life exactly as I imagined? No. It's even better.  So no- it's not what I planned on, but I am more happy with it than I could ever adequately describe. It's far from what I imagined or even planned on.  It turns out my dreams weren't really big enough for all the things I have already given my heart to, and all the things i have yet to become. 

Look around you, look at the life you have, the things you HAVE accomplished. 

 If you're a mother, look at the tiny hands and big eyes that look up to you.

If you're a student, take a look at everything you have learned,

 in the classroom and out of it. 

 If you're an adventurer at heart, gaze at all the places your mind and heart have been, and overcome, even if you've never left your hometown.

No matter what title you might give yourself, give yourself credit, and remember that you have already done great things- even if you don't see it right now. 

  Is anyone's life exactly as they planned it out?  No. But for those who recognize what they have, who see the beauty in simple moments of laughter and meaningful expressions of love, in the peace of a quiet evening spent in reflection on an eternal plan...you can be happy with it.  

Chances are...you'll be happier than 
you thought you could be.
  

Break through the grey...look at life and see that even though it may not be what you planned on...it is still beautiful, and it is happy.  

And then let it become even happier. 

Happy Christmas Tree Hunting. 

Invisible Bridges

.

I took this picture.  It was last January as my father and I drove back to Utah, across country.  I knew some pretty incredible changes were coming my way.  I had no idea the depth and the magnitude of these changes.  Life changes. 

But I love this picture.  Can I tell you why? It may be blurry, and it may not be of anything more than a bridge, but to me- it represents change. 

why?

Well...life is always moving forward, and we constantly have bridges we have to cross. 

 We have bridges we build, 

bridges we cross, 

bridges we even have to burn. 

That's part of life.  Because when you're walking a road this long- eventually you will HAVE to cross a bridge.  

I love this picture because though taken a year ago...that is where I am now.  

On the other side of a bridge. 

As of today: 
I am no longer a student at BYU. 
 I lost my job due to withdrawing. 
 I spent three days trying to actually catch up on sleep, 
and get some projects worked on. (This is code for watching chickflicks.) 
I interviewed for three jobs.
  I took one of them. 
 I am a new receptionist for PeakENT in Provo, an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor,
 and life is still wonderful. 

Sure, you might think...woah now Shan, that's a lot of changes for one girl in two weeks.  Well that my friends is true, and that is why I'm telling you I have not had any spare moments to even write in my journal, let alone a blog post.  My sincerest apologies. Really. 

But what I want to tell you today, isn't really about the results honestly...those posts will come later.  What I want to tell you about is this: The change. 

Life IS change.  Whether we like it or not, it constantly moves forward.  

We can either go with it, or be left behind to gaze as it moves on around us.  
Our purpose here is to grow, to learn, to be inspired, to feel, to think, and to change.  

If we stand in the shadows, watching the leaves change around us, waiting for the sunshine to come, or waiting for the rain to stop- we are waiting in vain- for life will not stop continually progressing forward.  That's WHY the leaves change, that is why the rain comes, and that is why we are blessed to finally see that beautiful sunshine spread across the world.  Will you stand in the shadows, or will you step out, and see what life has to offer?

I'll tell you what it has to offer.  Bridges.  As I said: some you build, some you cross, and some you even burn, but there is one kind of bridge that makes all the difference...the invisible one.  

Sure. A clip from an all-time favorite.  But what is the message here?  It's the invisible bridge.  This is a principle I have seen time and time again in my life.  I've shared this concept with others, and obviously it's not really my original idea, but it has become powerful and meaningful to me, and since it is something each person must cross, I've taken to sharing it...so why not here too?

Faith.  Faith is vital to my life, my soul, and my heart.  Faith in things to come, faith in myself, and faith that I am not the one in charge of this path called life.  

But it is faith that we must arm ourselves with when we come to this bridge.  

So what is it, I'm sure you are asking.
?

 The invisible bridge is the essence of the all moments when one must press forward without a sure footing.  It is that initial step into the void, 

into the dark abyss of the unknown.

When you're standing there, it is an absolutely terrifying moment.  What if there is no bridge?  What if you fall?  Ah...but what if there is no bridge...and what if you fly?

We will never know what the future holds for us, unless we have the courage to leave the shadows of what we already know, and step in the light of what could be. 

The choice is ours alone. 

I have come to many invisible bridges in my life, and I have always felt the guiding hand of a loving Father in Heaven who steadies me, and who will not let me fall. 

 If I step out, it matters not whether the bridge is there, whether it is made of stone, or wood, or even smoke- what matters is that I chose to continue on. 

 If there is no bridge, then He will either catch me, or mend the broken pieces from the rocks below. If there is a bridge, then He will guide me across it...but still it is I, that must have the faith to simply step. 

There is sunshine down the road.  

There is solace in these steps, that take you away from the shadows of a life half-lived.

There is hope...one must only have the courage to cross the invisible bridge, to continue on...to live. 

Do not wait to cross the bridge.  There is Someone waiting to guide you, and there is life on the other side.  Be not afraid of the journey to come, only dwelling to long on the side you already know.  

You know what is on this side...so cross.  

...I did

The Beginning

     Today marks the very first day of my brand new blog. Anyone reading this probably knows that I tried to blog before...and failed miserably. I've asked myself 100 times, why did I fail at blogging? Well, let me spell it out for you:

• Inconsistency- I only wrote when I had time, I never made time.
• Spontaneous Posting- I didn't have as much understanding of my target audience, and so I pretty much rambled and talked about whatever I liked.
• NO target audience- yes I said, "teenage girls," but that's a beyond broad topic, and we all know it
• Not enough passion- I was blogging for other people in my mind, not as much for myself

     Basically...this list could continue on and on. But here is the message: ALL OF THAT IS CHANGING. For those of you just picking up on this blog- I just got married this summer, and life is changing drastically. Not only do I have the time now to keep up with a blog, but I have the passion for myself. I realized I cannot write simply for others to read it, and sure my heart and soul were in those posts- but I have to write, and have the drive to write for myself primarily, and not just because I feel a need or duty. 

     YOU- my wonderful readers, though you may be few, are invited to read along the course of my journey. In addition to this, I now know who I am focusing on. Everyone. 

Specifically the ladies of all ages in the world, but anyone who wants to read my messages can. I'm focusing on people, ordinary lovers of life, who struggle every now and then, who have to pay the bills, who try and

 make ends meet with a smile on their face. 

I'm talking about Breaking Through The Grey

What (I'm sure you're asking) does that even mean? Why is it the title of this blog? Why am I passionate about it? 

I am convinced that in the day-to-day life, every single person faces grey moments. 

World English Dictionary

grey or gray  (ɡreɪ)
— adj
1.	of a neutral tone, intermediate between black and white, that has no hue and reflects and transmitsonly a little light
2.	greyish in colour or having parts or marks that are greyish
3.	dismal or dark, esp from lack of light; gloomy
4.	neutral or dull, esp in character or opinion Grey. I chose G-R-E-Y because gray is commonly associated with growing old, while grey can refer to the monotony of life.

So what even are these moments? I am certain that every person reading this knows EXACTLY what I am referring to. You have had them. Chances are- you're probably digging through your memory and thinking of your grey days. I certainly have them. The fascinating thing is- they are different for EVERY person. Some of you may be going through depression, some of you may have a past you don't quite know how to let go of, or deal with, some of you may have a future you are terrified of, or a bill that will not let you rest, a job that makes you stressed and unhappy. 

Grey moments are the day I woke up and felt completely alone after essentially best-friend breaking up with my now Husband. The day I realized I would never be an actress on Broadway  Just the other day when I had no motivation to go to work, to go to class, or really do anything but sleep. 

Grey is the unhappiness of life, the unfair moments, or the simple day-to-day where you feel like you aren't cutting it. Grey are the times when you don't quite seem to know the girl in the mirror anymore, or even her purpose.

I propose that "grey" days, or moments, are essential to life. They are the reminders that we are human, that sometimes we don't feel like we have the strength the keep going. 

But if we never had those moments, how would we know when to slow down, or how to appreciate the

happiest moments. 

And while they are essential...I also know how vitally important it is to move past them, to keep going in life, to get yourself out from under the endless cycle of dissatisfaction with life- to Break Through the Grey. 

I challenge you, and myself as I begin this blog to find the moments in life that are grey, and to first, recognize them for what they are and what they teach you, and then to break through them. 

This blog consists of my thoughts, my ideals, my ways of breaking through the grey. My music, and pictures, my perspective on life. I write about things that make me happy, realizations that life is the best gift and blessing I could have ever been given. I am writing about my 20 & married life, and the things that make a difference on my grey days. 

Most of all, I write because I struggle too, and this is how I break through the grey. 

You know- maybe not every post will hit home with you, but maybe one will. So stick around- add your email to the list, and let me try and help you break through. 

THE DAY is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.
My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.
Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

                                                                                                              -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My message today is that you can break through it. I challenge you to start thinking of HOW, and tell me. Make comments, send me a message. I'll feature them on my next post.

Life is worth living, and thriving, not just surviving. Break through the Grey. Happy Monday, and welcome to the beginning of something new.