“Omigah, You’re so Perf!”

Today, we have a special guest post from a lovely woman I have had the pleasure of knowing and growing up with. She's incredible, and if you don't believe me, just read this post. It certainly reminded me of many things I should be focusing on in my own life. Her name is Niagra, now go fall madly in love with her words, just as I did.

“Omigah, You’re so Perf!”

           

            So how do you feel pretty in a pretty-obsessed world? I can make it simple and tell you all of the cliché stuff Dove commercials use where they capture ‘real women’, as if there is some forbidden land or alternate universe where ‘fake women’ live, (yeah, I know they mean actresses, but using the term ‘real women’ doesn’t make me want to buy your product). Or I can tell you the same things those self-proclaiming, ‘liberating’ naked magazine ads do where they use those celebrities who make you rethink eating that second serving of a good home-cooked meal, and committing to a life where all you can consume is a cup of green tea. 

Or I can be real with you.

            Feeling pretty these days is really, really, really, hard.

            Maybe even a chore.

            Is it not our job as women to look pleasing and appealing to men? And how confusing is it these days, honestly. At least back then all you had to do was to make sure to not be fat. Nowadays, you can’t be skinny either. You have to have a small waist, large hips, more ‘blessed’ attributes, and the perfect calves. Nowadays you have to look ‘fit’, because men really dig girls with six-packs now, oh, and thigh-gaps. And if you’re skinny, you can’t be too skinny, to the point you look ‘unhealthy’. And if your thick, you can’t be too thick, or else someone will mistake you for weighing over two hundred pounds. And if you’re too much of any of these things, then don’t expect to get what you think you deserve, because it’s your fault. 

If you’re a fat girl, don’t expect to get a fit guy, because it’s your duty to make sure your fit too. If you’re a skinny girl....well, you’re just a big meanie-pants for being skinny, (sticks tongue out at all the skinny girls/women in the world). It’s almost as if there is a certain formula for being the perfect girl. Kind of like building a cake. I watch my sister bake or make cakes all the time, and I can never perfect the art (oh, haha, there’s that word again). If you add too much of one thing, the whole cake is ruined. These days, being perfect, is a lot like that.

Darn you hot dog legs!

Oh, and there are perfect girls out there.

    Social media has taken large parts of the world by storm, but seemingly the only thing that makes it of good use is taking selfies. Now I’m not shy to selfies, you kind of need them to get by on social media. I learned that the hard way. The first time I made an account to Facebook, I put a picture up of a butterfly as my profile picture, and got a bunch of snarky comments at school. “I didn’t know you were a butterfly.” Oh, well, I don’t have the next i-whatever to take a decent picture, so.....

            And thus, began the rule of the selfies.

            And there are those girls who are ‘perfect’. Who get those diamond comments: I wish I were you! Omigah, you’re so perf! Perf: shortened for ‘perfect’, isn’t that clever? And as I am feverishly typing away on my bed, I hear my sister beside me gush about the women she follows on those social media apps, and about them all being so ‘perfect’. She shows me them, and my psyche gauge depletes to critical levels. Only later do I notice that all of these women have a few things in common, things I’m sure you can figure out. 

Basically, they don’t look anything like me.

            Not. One. Bit.

The Great Deceiver (cackles manically) I have all the traits of a mystical, magical siren

            Most of you don’t know me or what I look like. And I must admit that my profile pictures are a bit deceiving (I make it a goal to only expose from the neck up, sometimes not even that. Sadly, this is only about twenty percent of the body). 

I am a big girl. Always have been. Have always struggled with losing weight. Have always wistfully looked at my friends or family with much prettier silhouettes or shapes then me. I’d like to kid myself into saying I was curvy, but I consider myself just really....lumpy. I’m laughing as I type this now, but it’s true. My sister sometimes says, ‘oh you’re hourglass shaped’, and while I am proportioned on both top and bottom, why disregard my middle? If we are talking about shapes now, I’d truthfully say I’m more, ‘cardboard-box shaped’. Or, ‘newspaper-shaped’.

Newspaper-Shaped, which is good, because I like newspapers

So, moving on, I also resemble my mother a lot, who is a beauty. 

Did you see that? That one little word? Resemble?

            I don’t look like her.

            I resemble her.

People mistook us for twins.....(scratches beard) .

            People sometimes mistake us for twins if they look too quickly, but then they stand there, and look long enough, and go, “Oh, you’re not Mrs. Campos.” We have different complexions, different bone-structures in the face. I am darker, seemingly always flushed (I am probably the only dark-skinned girl you’ll know to blush red), and my features are more exaggerated. Smaller eyes. Smaller nose, with a bump on top. Smaller lips. And the feature, the one feature to dominate seventy five percent of my face is my cheeks. I have really large cheeks. Or cheek bones, but lots of skin there too. I get mixed reactions to this. Some say I look unapproachable and ‘tough’. Some say I look like a young girl, about fourteen. It always changes, and baffles/confuses me, so I’ve given up deciding which kind of person I was perceived as to the general public. 

There are other features to me, like my extra dry skin, or duck-feet (wide, large Hobbit feet—I say Hobbit, because though they are pretty big for my size, I am no taller then five feet), or my frizzy, scratchy-to-the-touch hair, but I rather not go into that. You get the gist of it. NO ONE is convincing me from a Dove commercial that I’m a ‘worth it’, because NO ONE from those commercials look like me.

I’ve had experiences to lift me up, and to bring me down. I’ve had countless women gush about how beautiful I was, but have also had countless young men slide there eyes over my head and onto my sister or mother, or flat out just say it, “You’d be so pretty if you lost X amount of weight....and if you took out your dreadlocks....and if you didn’t wear those boots that made your legs looks so short, and if you....”

            So I had to learn myself. And what does learning require?

            RESEARCH.

            I stopped wistfully looking into those magazine ads, and started surfing the web, for women who looked like me. They were hidden, like rare gems, but with enough work, enough digging, I found them. Those women who looked like me. And you know....

            They were happy with themselves.

            I also noticed another thing. While they were beautiful, I focused more on the way their eyes lit up when they talked about music/books/clothes/television/their beautiful lives in general. Or the way they laughed, which was infectious, and made me laugh too. Or the way they just carried themselves. With a confidence you couldn’t buy, you had to earn. And these women weren’t ever going to be put in a Dove commercial or magazine cover/ad. Like, ever. And it didn’t matter.

They were loved. By men. By women. By children. 

But more importantly, by themselves.

And it showed. They say that you’re your own worst critic. Beating yourself up, torturing yourself because you don’t look or even closely resemble ‘that perfect girl’ is going to show in your countenance over the years. I don’t know how many times it’s been said to me—every women I come across has said this to me—“no one is going to love you if you don’t start with loving yourself.”

Like my sash? 

            When you whisper those things in the mirror, or when you hear those things in your mind, think to yourself, honestly, would you say that to another girl who resembled you? Would you say that to a younger version of you? I don’t think I’d have the guts to look at twelve-year-old Niagra, in all her flushed-face, frizzy-haired, pink polka-dot converse-shoed glory and say, “You’re ugly, you’re fat, and no one will ever want you.” Young women/women expect to be treated kindly and gently, to be forgiven of our second helpings, or the fact that our legs are not as long as the super model on the bill board you pass everyday to work. How can we expect anybody to treat us kindly, with love and adoration, if we can’t show these emotions for ourselves? How can we expect anyone to love us if we’re chastising ourselves for eating too much sweets on a cheat day? It’s a double standard. It’s wrong. And just plain, unfair!

            Through my research (using the term ‘research’ loosely, it was mostly just surfing through videos on Youtube), I have come to the conclusion that the laws of attraction are not the same for everybody, and almost always never using physical attraction as the center rule. I thought about the things that made me attractive and/or attracted to other people. I liked listeners, people with a talent for not saying much but always being attentive. I liked people who liked books. 

And I liked people who weren’t afraid to show who they were to other people. 

Things that people have said they liked about me: they liked my voice, although for a long time I hated it. They liked my rough hair and the beads in it. This one girl said my hair seemed to make a bold statement. They liked my many expressions, and how I couldn’t make a poker face, because my cheeks were so big and always gave it away. Things that I overlooked or despised, people liked, some even adored, and these combinations of silly things made me stand out from the seven billion people in the world. 

And in time, I learned to love these character traits I attained too. 

          We've got this long mirror hanging over our closet that's directed towards my bed, so every time I wake up--boom!--right in my face is my....face. I asked my sister if we could take it down because I don't really like looking at myself ever morning and night. Anyways, so I was typing (when am I not?), and I leaned over to grab a sheet with some notes, and I caught myself in the mirror. 

I'm in my pajamas. It's 5:56 in the morning. I haven't even brushed my teeth or wash my face yet; but as I ran my hands a couple times through my hair and touched my face, I realized something. I may not be 'the prettiest flower in the garden' or the 'the brightest crayon in the box' and I may be 'two sandwich short of a picnic' (you like my phrases), but all in all.... I wouldn't change a single thing about me. 

            Not. A single. Thing. 

            

Bow Ties and Band Aids

That's right. You saw this picture
correctly. 

It's a BOY! A small bundle of energy covered in dirt, and adventures, that has already stolen my heart. I could not be more excited, which is honestly shocking, because I thought FOR SURE that it was girl, but I was happily mistaken. 


I'm sorry dear young baby son for calling you a girl several times, I promise I only had the best intentions. :) 

But now we know for sure that he is very much all boy. We have chosen the name Russell, and we've decided to go ahead and announce this, so you don't have to call our baby Baby Park anymore, but you can call him by who he will become. (No middle name yet)

I just wanted to announce this, so it's not that long of a post, but I do want to leave you with a thought before I head off to celebrate with my amazing husband, and this little boy's father-to-be. I've had the question posed to me recently, "Why? You're 21...you should be out partying, in school, learning what you want out of life, messing around and making mistakes."

My answer back is...why?

Why would I give up the best decisions 

I've ever made in my life, both featured in these pictures, 

for something of lesser value? 

Even as a tiny girl I dreamed of the day I would become a mother, and a homemaker, just like my beautiful mother. I watched my sisters take on this role, and my heart ached with the desire to be here myself. Why on earth would I wait, or walk away, to "party" or be in school. 

 My answer is that I do actually know what I want to do with my life thank you, 

and it begins and ends with this picture. 

Everything else in my life is a just an added blessing.  

I still have all my dreams, I still want to sing, to write music, to speak, and influence others for good, to run my own charity organization, maybe even shoot for politics at some point, and probably change the world.  I still want to learn to graffiti well, and actually bake a cake on my own, travel the world, and help others see the beauty they can't find in the mirror.  

But my dreams all begin here. 

The first and most important dream of my life has always been to be a mother.  

I dreamed of a family, a life making a difference in the eyes of a tiny child. Some might say that I won't get to my dreams till later and that's "such a shame," but to those who've said these things, or even thought them...can't you see that this is my dream? Those other things will come later. 

Let's be honest...what mother in her right mind would ever listen to a young wife who's never had children on why she should love herself more? I mean...get real. 

This is part of my plan, part of my life, and ultimately my decision I made with my loving and supportive husband.

It's our choice to start our family now, and I want the world to know that we could not be happier. 

I'll be featuring a post soon on my thoughts of motherhood, and that's just a taste for you. For now, I just want everyone to know that I could not have pictured a greater blessing or a better life for myself.

My Heavenly Father knows me better than I have ever known myself, and He has prepared this beautiful path that I am so grateful every day I get the chance to walk. 

So here's to bow ties and band aids, dirt, sticks, snails, and of course puppy dog tails. :) I am going to be the mother of a little boy, and I cannot wait. 

 

Keep Going

Hello my dear readers, new readers, passersby, occasional strangers.  Here it is Wednesday afternoon, and I find myself wishing I had been posting more lately. I finally have time to finish this post I started weeks ago, since I had a surprise day off of work. I want to make a formal apology for the lack of posts.  Aleesha has been insanely busy and so her posts are on a hold for a little while, and as for me, well if you didn't already know- I'm pregnant, working a full time job, and some days it's hard to just accomplish those two.

Now I realize this is no excuse for leaving you just hanging out there, but let's be really honest right now...it IS my excuse.  Unfortunately NO amount of "I'm sorry," or excuses, or justifications makes up for lost time and lost opportunities, but I appreciate the patience of those around me.  Don't worry, I won't bore you with all the gory details, but the first trimester was just rocky, plain and simple.  Was I horrifically and tragically hospitalized and almost dying? No, definitely not (and I say thank you every day for that) but it sure wasn't roses and butterflies. 

 I want it to be perfectly clear that this does not diminish my excitement in ANY way,

 but it is my only explanation for my lack of will power and strength 

in getting things accomplished.

Please note that I am profoundly happy to become a mother.  This is the most important dream and goal in my life, and I never thought I would be allowed to have it so soon.  To answer those annoying questions I guarantee some reading this will have: yes, it was planned and desired, yes I just turned 21, no I'm not in school right now, YES I want this more than anything.  I'll be featuring a blog post very soon on my decision to become a mother so young.

That being said, I've had a lot of time to ponder while I've been sick, and unable to really function.  I have several new blog posts already started and in the works for you to look forward to, covering topics such as depression and anxiety, why a degree isn't for everyone, my faiths and beliefs, why it's my dream to be a mother at 21, how wonderful the blessing of marriage is, and plenty of other lovely things that apply to most of the women I know.  I'll probably post some funnier posts just to light up your day every once in a while too.

But my message today isn't simply an apology, it's much more than that.  Something I have learned over the past two months is that sometimes all the strength you have is to crawl out of bed when the sun comes up, and crawl back in when it goes down.

 It is okay.

Defeat does not come in our lack of accomplishing great feats, it comes when we have given up.

 Crawling in and out of bed means you have not given up.

There will be days, weeks, and unfortunately even months in life where we feel like we aren't doing enough.  My own sentiments to my dear sweet husband have echoed those of so many women and men around the world.

"I wasn't productive enough."

"I didn't get the dishes done."

"No, I haven't finished editing that batch of pictures yet."

"No I'm sorry I haven't finished my visiting teaching."

"I haven't seen that friends in ages, she probably hates me."

"I'm wasting my talents."

And my least favorite (hold your breath)...

"I'm just not good enough."

The point is- NONE of these are true. I don't care if it's the same routine every day for the next 3 months, as long as you keep trying you are still not defeated, and you are still accomplishing so much.  I know people who are fighting this same battle because of health conditions, depression, pregnancy, money issues, anxiety, loss of drive or passion, mid life crises, surgery recovery, plain exhaustion, and the list doesn't stop there.

No matter what monster you're facing, or river you're wading, keep going.  It is not the end, and it will get better with time.  Even if it takes all your strength, and all your might just to keep your head up, keep going.

You are more than your trials, and you'll be able to look back one day and see how they changed you, shaped you into the person you wanted to become.  That person you want to be now, the one that can face these trials, is already inside of you.  You just can't see that person clearly until you turn around and see how far you have already come.

Keep going, and believe in yourself and your ability to overcome. Honestly, sometimes breaking through the grey means just keeping on trying.  You might not break through every single day. But as long as you don't give up, there are more opportunities to make life better. I know without a doubt that even during the hardest of times, there is still someone rooting for me, and not just my wonderful husband, but my loving Father in Heaven.  His Son has descended below, and risen above each of my trials, and as hard as these moments seem now- I know with their help I can overcome them. Your Father in Heaven knows you and loves you perfectly.  Weaknesses and trials make us humble, stronger, and ultimately the person He and each of us WANT to become.  He will support you, you just have to Keep Going.

BELIEVE in your Infinite Worth

Step 1: B

Believe in your INFINITE Worth.

We are conditioned, by the world we grew up in, to believe that our worth- or our value- 

is something that must be defined in finite terms.

I am of value, because I am beautiful.

I am of value, because I am thin.

I am of value, because I am intelligent.

I am of value, because I have an education.

I am of value, because I play the piano well.

I am of value, because I am fashionable.

Etc, Etc, Etc

The danger in defining worth in these finite ways is that whenever something happens to challenge our thinking, our faith in our own value crumbles.

When I started college, I defined myself very clearly.  I was beautiful, I was intelligent, and I was talented.  I felt very confident in myself and in my abilities and had a very healthy self esteem.  I knew that I could do anything.  

However, it didn't take me very long, to realize I was surrounded by other women who were gorgeous, talented, and intelligent. 

 I suddenly felt very small, and insignificant, and began to challenge the picture I had painted for myself of who I was. Then the rosy future I had planned began to falter.  I got very sick and couldn't sing- which was a HUGE part of my self defined identity, and my MAJOR.  My 2 1/2 year relationship with my boyfriend ended (it was mutual, but it was still a huge readjustment for me mentally).  I fell head over heels for another boy who didn't love me back, and then to top it off I overheard myself being described as an airhead by a close friend.  

Can you imagine how I felt?  

Everything I had used to define myself had been challenged.

 

One night in particular, I felt...so alone...so completely alone.  Most of my friends and pretty much the entire campus was at a fancy dance that I had VERY much wanted to attend, and had not been invited to. I had been very sick recently, and had been told by a doctor that it was "all in my head" and that I needed to wake up and realize that I wasn't the perfect person I thought I was, and to admit to myself that I had sins I hadn't repented of, or I wouldn't be feeling this way." (I ended up having an undiagnosed heart condition that was surgically repaired a few years later...take THAT shady doctor!)  

Anyway I was lying on our picnic table in our front yard staring up at the stars, and feeling so very alone, when I began to sing "Somewhere Out There" softly to myself.  Far away I had a tiny little 7 year old sister, and we would sing that song to each other over the phone when she missed me.  (Shannon) 

 I realized, as I sang the words that there was someone out there who loved me no matter what,
 not just my little sister,

but God, my Loving Father in Heaven.

 

I felt suddenly encompassed by a warm blanket, even though the night was chilly, and felt my Fathers love for me, and my infinite worth to him, in that moment.  INFINITE.  

Never ending, and without limits.

 My life didn't suddenly get easier.  I didn't meet my prince charming the next day, and my health didn't get better for years to come.  But in that moment I realized that my value, and my worth, had nothing to do with the ways I had defined myself.  I began to work a little harder on appreciating my relationship with my father in heaven.  When things got worse, he was there beside me.

Ladies, WE put the limits on our value.  We are the ones who believe we are only of worth "if we are __________".  

Our Father in Heaven loves us no matter what.

 He loves us in our weak moments, as much as he loves us when we are

doing something Amazing.

You are a princess, a Daughter of a King.  And when YOU know and BELIEVE in this infinite worth, everything else becomes a little less important.  You are freed from the restraints you have put upon your own value, and you can become whatever, whomever you want to become.  

I challenge you this week, to find faith in yourself and your relationship with God.  Get down on your knees, even if you think you have forgotten how, and simply talk.  Ask your father in heaven for a little more confidence in your own value.  I promise you, if you ask- in faith, you will find the answers you are looking for.

I want to share a video that shows one Young Woman's Journey through self discovery.  Lindsay Stirling is a favorite in our house, and after watching this, we love her a little more- if that's even possible.

-Aleesha Bake

See Aleesha's original post at: Break Through: The plan

If you can make it past Wednesday

Wednesday.  It is the day in the very middle of the week.  It’s the “hump day” the “peak day” and when I was little, I thought it was my favorite day of the week. Wow. 

 Now Wednesday has become much less of a favorite day and more of a day to survive.  It’s common to get the midweek blues.  We all get them, whether you’re working and counting down to the weekend, or if you’re a Parent and praying for the Friday night date night to get here, or if you’re a student and it brings the blessed time to catch up on homework, or you somewhat non-existent social life.  

No matter who you are- I guarantee at some point in this life, 

you too my friend will face the midweek blues.

Today I have good news though.  The mere fact that you have made it to Wednesday says something about who you are.  You have courage.  

You pushed past Monday, clearly the most infamous and even hated day of the week.

You also made it past Tuesday, which can be compared to the dreaded  rising of a roller coaster.  Think of one of those old wooden ones with the clicking track as it pulls you up the passage. 

Click. Click. Click. (I know. You’re cringing already)

  So now you hit Wednesday, and it’s supposed to be the downward hill…or so you think.  But it’s actually just the peak of the roller coaster, as it curves around and you head very slowly toward the descent.  Imagine that flat, boring, and all-but dragging part.  

And that is Wednesday my friends, but the good news is that you've made the ascent.  That is a huge accomplishment. That takes strength, and faith.  So now you just have to hold on and make it past Wednesday.

Wednesdays are not just part of roller coasters, or simply part of your week- 

they are a huge part of life.  

A part of life you unfortunately cannot get around.  

Right now my Wednesday is a number of things.  One of them is that it actually is Wednesday, my house is messy, and I’m exhausted.  Another example would be work right now-  I love my job, but it’s been extra stressful lately with getting sick (I had a cold for 3 weeks.  It was great. Not.) and just feeling behind.  Our cat (her name is Ainsley) spilled water across the table, which then seeped into our computer, and $1500 later, we have a chunk out of savings a new computer.  That setback is kind of a Wednesday too.  Do you see my pattern with this? 

Wednesdays in life are short times that seem to drag on forever.  They contribute to the grey times in life, and can even be defined AS the grey times in life.  So here’s my theory: 

If you can make it past Wednesday,

 you can make it past anything. 

I know that feeling, when you’re in the middle of a trial or a struggle, and you find yourself thinking- will I ever be past this?  It is so hard to see the end from the middle, and we have all found that to be true.  

It’s a sentiment I have heard echoed time and time again in my own thoughts, and in the frustrations, the conversations, and the desperation of others.  Working at Crisis Line, we hear so many callers looking for a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  But what they seem to forget is that it is temporary…Wednesday is temporary. 

     It always has been, and always will be.

 

Wednesday will pass, and once you've made it to Thursday- it becomes that downhill slope, hopefully easier and not so high stress.  The downward roller coaster is the thrill we wait for, and the ride we enjoy.  And it will come.  But until it does, you just have to make it past Wednesday. 

 Sure it might seem impossible, but that’s what this blog is about-Breaking through the grey, even if it’s “just a Wednesday.”  I've included a list of some daily things that help pick me up. Find your own ways, and what actually works for you- whether it’s a real Wednesday or it’s a proverbial one, you deserve to get past it.  It’s those short period of grey that contribute to longer ones, so we've got to fight them off. 

If you can make it past the little things, the shorter periods of stress, you can make it through anything.

  If you can make it past Wednesday,

 you can make it past anything.

• Say a prayer
• List off all the best moments of your day on a sticky note.  Try and fit them all in ;)
• Drink some water
• Rub your temples
• Take a long,warm shower
• Breathe deeply for about two minutes and ignore EVERYTHING
• Think positive thoughts
• List off AT LEAST 5 things you love about yourself
• Stretch
• Smile. It actually can help. 

And watch this.  It makes a difference. Every single Wednesday I come to. 

Not what we planned,but we're happy with it

Christmas is the one time of the year where you don't look like an idiot going out to the middle of a mountainous forest, and trying to find a christmas tree in the dark.  Or is it?

Well that's exactly what I did. 
I, my husband, and two of our dear friends did anyways...and it was an incredible blast.  We began our journey at about 5:30, and we drove down to Price, UT (with snow, about 1.5 hours away) and picked up our christmas tree permit.  (You have to have a permit to cut down a tree.  I highly suggest you get one before you get pulled over with a gigantic tree on the hood of your car ;) )

The lady at the store was so kind, and showed us on a map where to turn and drive in to find the best trees.  Let me just tell you- we were pumped. Like as pumped up as elves who've just eaten 173 candy canes a piece. Chocolate covered candy canes.

So we drove back up through Price Canyon, aka one of the deadliest roads in the country. (just fyi) and found the turn off to head into the forest. 

 I probably looked a squirrel who just found a bag 

of fresh brazil nuts already cracked and abandoned. 

 At this point, I should tell you though, that it was getting dark...and by getting dark I mean it was so pitch black in the mountains that I started to forget what the sun looks like. (I'm only sort of kidding)

Well...much to our surprise, demise, and frustration...the "forest" was a whole bunch of FAKE pine trees.  

They weren't pines at all, they were the kind of tree the looks like a pine when you're freezing and standing in the dark at -1 degrees, until you get close enough to feel it, and it's not even close to that picturesque Frasier or Douglas fir you are so accustomed to.

The disappointment became more and more poignant with every tree I looked at.  
Now you have to understand, to look at a tree, I had to:

• shuffle through the snow
• climb either up or down half of a mountain
• freeze as I stood there 
• try to decipher if it was a pine or not

  I was only wearing rubber rain boots and jeans with leggings.  Yes, I realize this was probably a bad idea. 

The point I'm getting at here, is that finding your own Christmas tree is not as easy as it is in the cartoon Christmas movies. 

Honestly, as I decorated our little bitty stick of a tree, which we finally found atop a steep hill, and filled my home with Christmas Cheer, I started to realize- this tree is quite symbolic for my life.  

It wasn't really what I had planned on finding, but I am incredibly happy with it. 

 Life isn't always what we expect..sometimes the pine tree is just a stupid fake pine, and sometimes it's actually a porcupine.  Sometimes the tree is entirely elusive and you never find it at all.  And every now and then, you find the most luscious

 evergreen you've ever laid eyes on. 

But whether you end up with a True Christmas Tree, or a little Christmas Stick, isn't the hunt worth your time?  Life does not always turn out the way we expect.  

We have all felt that sentiment to be true. 

But looking back- even if it isn't what you planned, you can still be happy with it. 

My intention with this story of the infamous Christmas Stick Hunt, is not to tell you of how we can decorate our apartment, but rather how you can look back on your life and find happiness even if it is not what you planned on.  

I certainly thought by now that I would be some musical sensation, changing lives and chasing all my dreams.  I thought I wouldn't still live in Provo. I thought I would be almost finished with school. 

Even when my dreams changed after high school, I thought by this time I surely would have life figured out, that I would have my act entirely together.  I thought I would be well on my way to motivational speaking and singing for everyone to hear.  

Then when I changed all my plans this summer, and married the man of my dreams, I thought for sure by Christmas we would have everything planned out, that we would be a year out from graduation.  I thought we would be building our family by now. 

And when I begin to dwell on all those long-past dreams, even outgrown dreams, I can begin to feel that familiar sadness of what we could also call forgotten dreams. But just as I found myself moving past the idea of the ideal Douglas fir, and falling in love with a tiny stick of a pine, with spiky needles, and very little splendor to it...we can also move past dreams we should have long since let go of.  It is okay to change your dreams.  They are yours, and they can be whatever you want.  

I've learned that life changes around you, and your dreams too must change, for the better.  

So even though we may begin with the dream of finding a massive Christmas Tree to rival that of St. Nicholas himself, we learn that we can also be happy with a tiny one we found while we were laughing with our best friends, while holding hands in the cold winter air 

with the love of our life.  

Is my life exactly as I imagined? No. It's even better.  So no- it's not what I planned on, but I am more happy with it than I could ever adequately describe. It's far from what I imagined or even planned on.  It turns out my dreams weren't really big enough for all the things I have already given my heart to, and all the things i have yet to become. 

Look around you, look at the life you have, the things you HAVE accomplished. 

 If you're a mother, look at the tiny hands and big eyes that look up to you.

If you're a student, take a look at everything you have learned,

 in the classroom and out of it. 

 If you're an adventurer at heart, gaze at all the places your mind and heart have been, and overcome, even if you've never left your hometown.

No matter what title you might give yourself, give yourself credit, and remember that you have already done great things- even if you don't see it right now. 

  Is anyone's life exactly as they planned it out?  No. But for those who recognize what they have, who see the beauty in simple moments of laughter and meaningful expressions of love, in the peace of a quiet evening spent in reflection on an eternal plan...you can be happy with it.  

Chances are...you'll be happier than 
you thought you could be.
  

Break through the grey...look at life and see that even though it may not be what you planned on...it is still beautiful, and it is happy.  

And then let it become even happier. 

Happy Christmas Tree Hunting.