“Omigah, You’re so Perf!”

Today, we have a special guest post from a lovely woman I have had the pleasure of knowing and growing up with. She's incredible, and if you don't believe me, just read this post. It certainly reminded me of many things I should be focusing on in my own life. Her name is Niagra, now go fall madly in love with her words, just as I did.

“Omigah, You’re so Perf!”

           

            So how do you feel pretty in a pretty-obsessed world? I can make it simple and tell you all of the cliché stuff Dove commercials use where they capture ‘real women’, as if there is some forbidden land or alternate universe where ‘fake women’ live, (yeah, I know they mean actresses, but using the term ‘real women’ doesn’t make me want to buy your product). Or I can tell you the same things those self-proclaiming, ‘liberating’ naked magazine ads do where they use those celebrities who make you rethink eating that second serving of a good home-cooked meal, and committing to a life where all you can consume is a cup of green tea. 

Or I can be real with you.

            Feeling pretty these days is really, really, really, hard.

            Maybe even a chore.

            Is it not our job as women to look pleasing and appealing to men? And how confusing is it these days, honestly. At least back then all you had to do was to make sure to not be fat. Nowadays, you can’t be skinny either. You have to have a small waist, large hips, more ‘blessed’ attributes, and the perfect calves. Nowadays you have to look ‘fit’, because men really dig girls with six-packs now, oh, and thigh-gaps. And if you’re skinny, you can’t be too skinny, to the point you look ‘unhealthy’. And if your thick, you can’t be too thick, or else someone will mistake you for weighing over two hundred pounds. And if you’re too much of any of these things, then don’t expect to get what you think you deserve, because it’s your fault. 

If you’re a fat girl, don’t expect to get a fit guy, because it’s your duty to make sure your fit too. If you’re a skinny girl....well, you’re just a big meanie-pants for being skinny, (sticks tongue out at all the skinny girls/women in the world). It’s almost as if there is a certain formula for being the perfect girl. Kind of like building a cake. I watch my sister bake or make cakes all the time, and I can never perfect the art (oh, haha, there’s that word again). If you add too much of one thing, the whole cake is ruined. These days, being perfect, is a lot like that.

Darn you hot dog legs!

Oh, and there are perfect girls out there.

    Social media has taken large parts of the world by storm, but seemingly the only thing that makes it of good use is taking selfies. Now I’m not shy to selfies, you kind of need them to get by on social media. I learned that the hard way. The first time I made an account to Facebook, I put a picture up of a butterfly as my profile picture, and got a bunch of snarky comments at school. “I didn’t know you were a butterfly.” Oh, well, I don’t have the next i-whatever to take a decent picture, so.....

            And thus, began the rule of the selfies.

            And there are those girls who are ‘perfect’. Who get those diamond comments: I wish I were you! Omigah, you’re so perf! Perf: shortened for ‘perfect’, isn’t that clever? And as I am feverishly typing away on my bed, I hear my sister beside me gush about the women she follows on those social media apps, and about them all being so ‘perfect’. She shows me them, and my psyche gauge depletes to critical levels. Only later do I notice that all of these women have a few things in common, things I’m sure you can figure out. 

Basically, they don’t look anything like me.

            Not. One. Bit.

The Great Deceiver (cackles manically) I have all the traits of a mystical, magical siren

            Most of you don’t know me or what I look like. And I must admit that my profile pictures are a bit deceiving (I make it a goal to only expose from the neck up, sometimes not even that. Sadly, this is only about twenty percent of the body). 

I am a big girl. Always have been. Have always struggled with losing weight. Have always wistfully looked at my friends or family with much prettier silhouettes or shapes then me. I’d like to kid myself into saying I was curvy, but I consider myself just really....lumpy. I’m laughing as I type this now, but it’s true. My sister sometimes says, ‘oh you’re hourglass shaped’, and while I am proportioned on both top and bottom, why disregard my middle? If we are talking about shapes now, I’d truthfully say I’m more, ‘cardboard-box shaped’. Or, ‘newspaper-shaped’.

Newspaper-Shaped, which is good, because I like newspapers

So, moving on, I also resemble my mother a lot, who is a beauty. 

Did you see that? That one little word? Resemble?

            I don’t look like her.

            I resemble her.

People mistook us for twins.....(scratches beard) .

            People sometimes mistake us for twins if they look too quickly, but then they stand there, and look long enough, and go, “Oh, you’re not Mrs. Campos.” We have different complexions, different bone-structures in the face. I am darker, seemingly always flushed (I am probably the only dark-skinned girl you’ll know to blush red), and my features are more exaggerated. Smaller eyes. Smaller nose, with a bump on top. Smaller lips. And the feature, the one feature to dominate seventy five percent of my face is my cheeks. I have really large cheeks. Or cheek bones, but lots of skin there too. I get mixed reactions to this. Some say I look unapproachable and ‘tough’. Some say I look like a young girl, about fourteen. It always changes, and baffles/confuses me, so I’ve given up deciding which kind of person I was perceived as to the general public. 

There are other features to me, like my extra dry skin, or duck-feet (wide, large Hobbit feet—I say Hobbit, because though they are pretty big for my size, I am no taller then five feet), or my frizzy, scratchy-to-the-touch hair, but I rather not go into that. You get the gist of it. NO ONE is convincing me from a Dove commercial that I’m a ‘worth it’, because NO ONE from those commercials look like me.

I’ve had experiences to lift me up, and to bring me down. I’ve had countless women gush about how beautiful I was, but have also had countless young men slide there eyes over my head and onto my sister or mother, or flat out just say it, “You’d be so pretty if you lost X amount of weight....and if you took out your dreadlocks....and if you didn’t wear those boots that made your legs looks so short, and if you....”

            So I had to learn myself. And what does learning require?

            RESEARCH.

            I stopped wistfully looking into those magazine ads, and started surfing the web, for women who looked like me. They were hidden, like rare gems, but with enough work, enough digging, I found them. Those women who looked like me. And you know....

            They were happy with themselves.

            I also noticed another thing. While they were beautiful, I focused more on the way their eyes lit up when they talked about music/books/clothes/television/their beautiful lives in general. Or the way they laughed, which was infectious, and made me laugh too. Or the way they just carried themselves. With a confidence you couldn’t buy, you had to earn. And these women weren’t ever going to be put in a Dove commercial or magazine cover/ad. Like, ever. And it didn’t matter.

They were loved. By men. By women. By children. 

But more importantly, by themselves.

And it showed. They say that you’re your own worst critic. Beating yourself up, torturing yourself because you don’t look or even closely resemble ‘that perfect girl’ is going to show in your countenance over the years. I don’t know how many times it’s been said to me—every women I come across has said this to me—“no one is going to love you if you don’t start with loving yourself.”

Like my sash? 

            When you whisper those things in the mirror, or when you hear those things in your mind, think to yourself, honestly, would you say that to another girl who resembled you? Would you say that to a younger version of you? I don’t think I’d have the guts to look at twelve-year-old Niagra, in all her flushed-face, frizzy-haired, pink polka-dot converse-shoed glory and say, “You’re ugly, you’re fat, and no one will ever want you.” Young women/women expect to be treated kindly and gently, to be forgiven of our second helpings, or the fact that our legs are not as long as the super model on the bill board you pass everyday to work. How can we expect anybody to treat us kindly, with love and adoration, if we can’t show these emotions for ourselves? How can we expect anyone to love us if we’re chastising ourselves for eating too much sweets on a cheat day? It’s a double standard. It’s wrong. And just plain, unfair!

            Through my research (using the term ‘research’ loosely, it was mostly just surfing through videos on Youtube), I have come to the conclusion that the laws of attraction are not the same for everybody, and almost always never using physical attraction as the center rule. I thought about the things that made me attractive and/or attracted to other people. I liked listeners, people with a talent for not saying much but always being attentive. I liked people who liked books. 

And I liked people who weren’t afraid to show who they were to other people. 

Things that people have said they liked about me: they liked my voice, although for a long time I hated it. They liked my rough hair and the beads in it. This one girl said my hair seemed to make a bold statement. They liked my many expressions, and how I couldn’t make a poker face, because my cheeks were so big and always gave it away. Things that I overlooked or despised, people liked, some even adored, and these combinations of silly things made me stand out from the seven billion people in the world. 

And in time, I learned to love these character traits I attained too. 

          We've got this long mirror hanging over our closet that's directed towards my bed, so every time I wake up--boom!--right in my face is my....face. I asked my sister if we could take it down because I don't really like looking at myself ever morning and night. Anyways, so I was typing (when am I not?), and I leaned over to grab a sheet with some notes, and I caught myself in the mirror. 

I'm in my pajamas. It's 5:56 in the morning. I haven't even brushed my teeth or wash my face yet; but as I ran my hands a couple times through my hair and touched my face, I realized something. I may not be 'the prettiest flower in the garden' or the 'the brightest crayon in the box' and I may be 'two sandwich short of a picnic' (you like my phrases), but all in all.... I wouldn't change a single thing about me. 

            Not. A single. Thing. 

            

The Beginning

     Today marks the very first day of my brand new blog. Anyone reading this probably knows that I tried to blog before...and failed miserably. I've asked myself 100 times, why did I fail at blogging? Well, let me spell it out for you:

• Inconsistency- I only wrote when I had time, I never made time.
• Spontaneous Posting- I didn't have as much understanding of my target audience, and so I pretty much rambled and talked about whatever I liked.
• NO target audience- yes I said, "teenage girls," but that's a beyond broad topic, and we all know it
• Not enough passion- I was blogging for other people in my mind, not as much for myself

     Basically...this list could continue on and on. But here is the message: ALL OF THAT IS CHANGING. For those of you just picking up on this blog- I just got married this summer, and life is changing drastically. Not only do I have the time now to keep up with a blog, but I have the passion for myself. I realized I cannot write simply for others to read it, and sure my heart and soul were in those posts- but I have to write, and have the drive to write for myself primarily, and not just because I feel a need or duty. 

     YOU- my wonderful readers, though you may be few, are invited to read along the course of my journey. In addition to this, I now know who I am focusing on. Everyone. 

Specifically the ladies of all ages in the world, but anyone who wants to read my messages can. I'm focusing on people, ordinary lovers of life, who struggle every now and then, who have to pay the bills, who try and

 make ends meet with a smile on their face. 

I'm talking about Breaking Through The Grey

What (I'm sure you're asking) does that even mean? Why is it the title of this blog? Why am I passionate about it? 

I am convinced that in the day-to-day life, every single person faces grey moments. 

World English Dictionary

grey or gray  (ɡreɪ)
— adj
1.	of a neutral tone, intermediate between black and white, that has no hue and reflects and transmitsonly a little light
2.	greyish in colour or having parts or marks that are greyish
3.	dismal or dark, esp from lack of light; gloomy
4.	neutral or dull, esp in character or opinion Grey. I chose G-R-E-Y because gray is commonly associated with growing old, while grey can refer to the monotony of life.

So what even are these moments? I am certain that every person reading this knows EXACTLY what I am referring to. You have had them. Chances are- you're probably digging through your memory and thinking of your grey days. I certainly have them. The fascinating thing is- they are different for EVERY person. Some of you may be going through depression, some of you may have a past you don't quite know how to let go of, or deal with, some of you may have a future you are terrified of, or a bill that will not let you rest, a job that makes you stressed and unhappy. 

Grey moments are the day I woke up and felt completely alone after essentially best-friend breaking up with my now Husband. The day I realized I would never be an actress on Broadway  Just the other day when I had no motivation to go to work, to go to class, or really do anything but sleep. 

Grey is the unhappiness of life, the unfair moments, or the simple day-to-day where you feel like you aren't cutting it. Grey are the times when you don't quite seem to know the girl in the mirror anymore, or even her purpose.

I propose that "grey" days, or moments, are essential to life. They are the reminders that we are human, that sometimes we don't feel like we have the strength the keep going. 

But if we never had those moments, how would we know when to slow down, or how to appreciate the

happiest moments. 

And while they are essential...I also know how vitally important it is to move past them, to keep going in life, to get yourself out from under the endless cycle of dissatisfaction with life- to Break Through the Grey. 

I challenge you, and myself as I begin this blog to find the moments in life that are grey, and to first, recognize them for what they are and what they teach you, and then to break through them. 

This blog consists of my thoughts, my ideals, my ways of breaking through the grey. My music, and pictures, my perspective on life. I write about things that make me happy, realizations that life is the best gift and blessing I could have ever been given. I am writing about my 20 & married life, and the things that make a difference on my grey days. 

Most of all, I write because I struggle too, and this is how I break through the grey. 

You know- maybe not every post will hit home with you, but maybe one will. So stick around- add your email to the list, and let me try and help you break through. 

THE DAY is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.
My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.
Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

                                                                                                              -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My message today is that you can break through it. I challenge you to start thinking of HOW, and tell me. Make comments, send me a message. I'll feature them on my next post.

Life is worth living, and thriving, not just surviving. Break through the Grey. Happy Monday, and welcome to the beginning of something new. 

Never Less than Stunning

Spring 2013
     Good morning lovely readers! So I've a couple thoughts to share with you on this beautiful day.  It really is fabulous. Look. 

It's sunny, it's relatively warm (for Utah winter) and I couldn't feel more refreshed.  Lately, there have been some difficult trials in my life, and that's no real excuse, but it is my reason for not blogging more.  But I'm committing to those who read this...I promise to write more.  Instead of just writing down my ideas for posts, I'll make sure I just write the post instead ;).  

      What I want to share with you today though, isn't simply a list of the reasons I'm sorry for not being a better blog queen, it's how I feel today.  As I was getting ready, I was listening to a wonderful song by Phillip Phillips.  It's called Home, and it never fails to put me a glorious mood. I tried on about 32 outfits, only managing to find a good one for my interview tomorrow. Nothing for today! So I kept trying on outfits and listening to this song over and over.  When I finally had arranging the perfect outfit, I took a look in the mirror and thought, "Okay...this is decent. WHAT?! I forgot to put on any makeup!!!" Who forgets their makeup!?! So I quickly applied all the basics and put a red flower in my hair. 

     But then something caught me...what on earth was I thinking?  Yes...my outfit is cute, and the red flower is just perfect, my hair is in the right place...but is that REALLY what makes me beautiful?  Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to call myself beautiful- but when I looked in the mirror, that's exactly how I felt.  WHY?

     That's when it hit me what was different about the picture.  I FEEL beautiful.  I feel beautiful not because of the clothes and the makeup and the flower...I feel beautiful because I am happy, and today is beautiful, and WHY ON EARTH would I feel anything less?   

     My message for you today ladies is about inner beauty.   We always talk about it, and we talk about boosting it, and appreciating it, but yet it always seems just beyond our fingertips.  I've heard the old phrase "beauty comes from within," I don't know how many times.  I've heard it so many times thought because it is ABSOLUTELY TRUE.  I recently went to an old friend's wedding reception and she looked radiant.  My roommate/ best friend leaned over and said, "She looks so beautiful.  She knows she's beautiful, and everyone else can see it. It must be how happy she is." HOW TRUE IS THAT- for ALL of us? 

      Inner beauty is that feeling of being happy, and knowing who you are.  It's recognizing the flaws and the perfections in ourselves, and loving them both.  I'm not talking appearance.  I'm speaking about the quirks to our personalities that make us individual, unique, and yes BEAUTIFUL.  When a woman, or a girl is happy with WHO she is, she honestly can't help but be stunning, and everyone around her knows it, and sees it.  

     Woman are always looking for validation.  "Does my hair look okay? Can you tell I have a huge zit?  Do these jeans make me look lumpy?"  WHY do we ask these questions?  I CHALLENGE you- Don't ask.  

KNOW how you FEEL, and OWN IT! Stop looking for validation in other places, in other people, on Pinterest for goodness sake.  Look for validation in yourself.  Be happy with the woman you see.  She may not be perfect, and she may have some truly rough things to deal with, she might not be great at crafts or math, and she may not be a size 0, but she is INCREDIBLE, and she is special.  
      The only person who needs to know that is herself, and then the rest of the world will be blinded by that happiness and light coming from her; blinded by her beauty that radiates around her.  

     I wrote on my mirror, "Never less than Absolutely Stunning," to remind myself that my beauty comes from within and when I'm happy, I will always be beautiful to others around me yes, but more importantly to myself.

 Happiness is beauty, and when I feel happy with myself, I feel beautiful.  

    So I'm asking you to go look at yourself.  Go smile in the mirror and KNOW that you are happy, amazing, and NEVER LESS THAN STUNNING.  Remind yourself of this every day.  Work on the things that you want to change, and deal with the trials that come day by day, but above all remember WHO YOU ARE, and how beautiful that woman is every single day.  

Happiness is your choice, and so is beauty.  So remember, in my eyes, and in the rest of the world's, and in yours 

You are never less than stunning. 

They Matter

     Hello everyone! I've just spent the last hour in the lovely library, typing away at my psychology paper (just kidding, I spent half an hour on Facebook and checking email ;)), and I would like to share an excerpt with you.  The paper is dedicated to detailing my career plan.  It's for my Psychology 101 (psych careers and what to do with them) class, and I feel very passionate about what I put, and I felt everyone deserved to understand my purpose!

Transitioning

      I can still remember putting on “concerts” as a little girl, for my family. My voice rang out loudly for Castle on a Cloud from Les Miserables, and How Lonely from The Seventh Brother. It seems like yesterday I looked myself in my play mirror, dressing up in my prettiest dress, and preparing to sing for my family and my beloved, and devoted stuffed animals.

     It's still my dream today to sing...but maybe not only in front of my teddy bears. My career choice is unlike anyone else's I have ever met. For me it's scary and makes me vulnerable, but I know in my heart it will be worth it. I am working on becoming a motivational singer and speaker for young girls. The reason I am studying psychology and working to earn a degree in the field is so that I can have the invaluable foundation that will come with studying the individual. I am minoring in sociology as well, to give me the group perspective, compared to the individual. I recognize the challenges that come with this decision, and have chosen to charge forward!

      For an individual headed into my field of choice, there are numerous uncertainties. That is what makes it such a risk, yet so exciting and unique at the same time. My day to day responsibilities will vary depending on where I am in my career path. Hopefully, they will eventually include songwriting, contacting speaking organizations, networking, recording, working with non-profit foundations, speaking, and working one-on-one with young girls who struggle. In a field like this though, there are many problems to tackle and try to help. I want to focus on self-esteem issues in the younger generations, suicide prevention, and helping to create positive music that uplifts and helps people touching their hearts and their souls for good.

      I have so many reasons that pull me in this direction, but the most important are my love for music and my passion for people. People never cease to amaze me; every single person you meet has an individual and an incredible story to their life. No matter what they look like to the rest of the world, they still face someone in the mirror every night who is struggling in some way, and maybe just hiding it from everyone. I am driven to know their stories, and to help them, through song and through the spoken word. I could not picture a better way to spend my life, or to use my talents I've been blessed with. Each person, and every story I come to know- change me, and help me in my endeavors to bring peace to the lives of others. Though I'll probably spend several years without a dime to my name, as the starting salary is nothing...it will be worth it to help even one individual, and know that I made a tiny difference.

      The truth is, it terrifies me to put myself out there, and know that I will be rejected by some, loved by others, and maybe never make a difference. However, the peace that comes in knowing I was given my talents and my gifts for a reason, is immeasurable. I know I can help others, and I know I have a reason to do so. So while I can still remember singing in front of my lined up baby dolls and beanie babies, with my parents on either side, I look to a future of singing, and speaking for those who have lost their way, or simply need to know that someone understands, and is willing to take the time To Tell Them They Matter.

As Individual As a Snowflake

December 2012

As Individual as a Snowflake

     Hello my lovely readers!  Today is a glorious day!! I have to admit- I've been in a bit a of a "funk" if you will, ALL week.  As you well know my mom came to visit last week, and I guess I've been singing the homesick blues since then.  

     But I'm happy to report that this morning upon waking up, I was reminded of one of the reasons I love living where I do. I woke up gently, and looked around, feeling extremely cold (my window was open).  When I eventually peeked out of the shutters- what did I find? 

*SNOW!*

 No I did not take this :) I found it on Google.

     Growing up in North Carolina, snow was not a source of inclement weather, but a treat- a reason to pull out cocoa mugs and cuddle up for the storm.  

We always got out of school (I wish this were still true now...:( ) and I would spend the day with my family and best friends gallivanting through the snow, pretending to be an Ice Princess.  

Every year I would spend the months of November through February peeking out of my blinds for snow

 hoping,

 wishing, 

 praying, 

and even pleading 

 (trying to make bargains with the Lord is not always the best route when wanting snow ;) ) 

 for just a few flakes. 

Or a Snow demon...

 Once in a while, those childhood prayers were answered and I would see the soft, white, beautiful flakes falling slowly to the ground.

     Now that I live away from home, here in Utah, I see snow more often than not in the winter.  Yet- despite how often I see the snow, I never tire of those tiny crystals hitting my "nose, and eyelashes!" So, waking up to see all of this wondrous snow- changed my tune entirely.  What I thought would be the start of a bad weekend, full of work and business, is turning into a lovely weekend with just a touch of Winter Magic.  To me those tiny flakes bring a sense of magic to the atmosphere.

Calvin and Hobbes Snow Men :)

     What is it that makes them so incredibly special and mysterious? Is it how they flutter to the ground, leaving a mark on everything that comes in their path?  Is it how they make one stop to wonder and remember life at different times?  Or is it that each one of them is unique and individual? To me it's a combination of each of these.  But what I want to focus on today is the final question.  Each snowflake is it's own.  They all have a separate pattern of beauty and flawless creation.   

      What gives me pause today is knowing that just like every single gorgeous flake that falls, every person I see, know, or simply pass as I walk through the winter wonderland is unique and different like the snowflakes.  No two people are exactly alike.  

Just as the snowflakes fall 

into swirls and pattern of light and white,

 the people we meet walk into our lives,

 and touch us with their 

individual beauty and love. 

     This morning, I spent a good chunk of the morning finishing a fabulous book by Rick Riordan, called The Mark of Athena (see my good reading section for a review).  Annabeth, one of the central characters, compares herself to other characters in the story, and asks what is special about herself.  Everyone around her seems to have a special quality, or a power that makes them almost invincible...and she wonders- what does she have?  She comes to the realization that though her powers may not manifest themselves in wondrous and bold ways for everyone to see- she is just as powerful.  I love this, because we as people learning and growing, can apply this to our own lives. 

 Never waste time comparing yourself to others,

 for while you may seeing others most glorious moments, 

we often compare those to our own downfalls.  

 In reality- we each have incredible power and wisdom, built from the years of experience 

and trial we have 

endured individually.  

We each have a purpose, and the gifts that enable us to fulfill that purpose.  Just like the snowflakes that I can see falling right now- we are all different and beautiful in an individual way. No snowflake compares itself to another...that's silly. So why would we?

     I  challenge every one of you who might read this- go out and find what makes you special if you don't already know.  Search yourself, and discover what blessings and gifts are things that you alone hold.  Whether it's a talent with beautiful music, or the ability to listen when others cannot, or the gift of making delicious bakery items...go uncover it, and appreciate it for all its worth. I've had a rough week, but with the magic I've been given this morning, I am changing my tune, and appreciating the view.  I am exploring constantly to find me, and discover what I can really do.  Most days I definitely need reminding!

So I extend that challenge to you- 

go find what makes 

as beautiful,  

as magical, 

and 

as Individual as a Snowflake.