BELIEVE in your Infinite Worth

Step 1: B

Believe in your INFINITE Worth.

We are conditioned, by the world we grew up in, to believe that our worth- or our value- 

is something that must be defined in finite terms.

I am of value, because I am beautiful.

I am of value, because I am thin.

I am of value, because I am intelligent.

I am of value, because I have an education.

I am of value, because I play the piano well.

I am of value, because I am fashionable.

Etc, Etc, Etc

The danger in defining worth in these finite ways is that whenever something happens to challenge our thinking, our faith in our own value crumbles.

When I started college, I defined myself very clearly.  I was beautiful, I was intelligent, and I was talented.  I felt very confident in myself and in my abilities and had a very healthy self esteem.  I knew that I could do anything.  

However, it didn't take me very long, to realize I was surrounded by other women who were gorgeous, talented, and intelligent. 

 I suddenly felt very small, and insignificant, and began to challenge the picture I had painted for myself of who I was. Then the rosy future I had planned began to falter.  I got very sick and couldn't sing- which was a HUGE part of my self defined identity, and my MAJOR.  My 2 1/2 year relationship with my boyfriend ended (it was mutual, but it was still a huge readjustment for me mentally).  I fell head over heels for another boy who didn't love me back, and then to top it off I overheard myself being described as an airhead by a close friend.  

Can you imagine how I felt?  

Everything I had used to define myself had been challenged.

 

One night in particular, I felt...so alone...so completely alone.  Most of my friends and pretty much the entire campus was at a fancy dance that I had VERY much wanted to attend, and had not been invited to. I had been very sick recently, and had been told by a doctor that it was "all in my head" and that I needed to wake up and realize that I wasn't the perfect person I thought I was, and to admit to myself that I had sins I hadn't repented of, or I wouldn't be feeling this way." (I ended up having an undiagnosed heart condition that was surgically repaired a few years later...take THAT shady doctor!)  

Anyway I was lying on our picnic table in our front yard staring up at the stars, and feeling so very alone, when I began to sing "Somewhere Out There" softly to myself.  Far away I had a tiny little 7 year old sister, and we would sing that song to each other over the phone when she missed me.  (Shannon) 

 I realized, as I sang the words that there was someone out there who loved me no matter what,
 not just my little sister,

but God, my Loving Father in Heaven.

 

I felt suddenly encompassed by a warm blanket, even though the night was chilly, and felt my Fathers love for me, and my infinite worth to him, in that moment.  INFINITE.  

Never ending, and without limits.

 My life didn't suddenly get easier.  I didn't meet my prince charming the next day, and my health didn't get better for years to come.  But in that moment I realized that my value, and my worth, had nothing to do with the ways I had defined myself.  I began to work a little harder on appreciating my relationship with my father in heaven.  When things got worse, he was there beside me.

Ladies, WE put the limits on our value.  We are the ones who believe we are only of worth "if we are __________".  

Our Father in Heaven loves us no matter what.

 He loves us in our weak moments, as much as he loves us when we are

doing something Amazing.

You are a princess, a Daughter of a King.  And when YOU know and BELIEVE in this infinite worth, everything else becomes a little less important.  You are freed from the restraints you have put upon your own value, and you can become whatever, whomever you want to become.  

I challenge you this week, to find faith in yourself and your relationship with God.  Get down on your knees, even if you think you have forgotten how, and simply talk.  Ask your father in heaven for a little more confidence in your own value.  I promise you, if you ask- in faith, you will find the answers you are looking for.

I want to share a video that shows one Young Woman's Journey through self discovery.  Lindsay Stirling is a favorite in our house, and after watching this, we love her a little more- if that's even possible.

-Aleesha Bake

See Aleesha's original post at: Break Through: The plan

Break Through

My wonderful sister Aleesha, who has always been an inspiration to me, has brilliant thoughts that I want people to learn about.  Over the next couple of weeks as I work to learn more about the women around me, and what to focus my own posts on, Aleesha will be writing several posts centered on the idea of Breaking Through, and I will be featuring them gratefully on here.  I Invite you to read her words of wisdom and courage and see another woman working to break through the grey.  I would also like to remind anyone reading to feel free to send me what grey you are going through so that I can better understand the women I write for.  It doesn't matter how old you are- it matters.  This is the first of Aleesha's posts, please enjoy. 

 We, as women, come from all different aspects of life.  

Some of us are married, some of us are single,

 some of us have happy homes with loving husbands 

and some of us are struggling valiantly to raise a family alone. 

 Wherever, and whomever, you are - we each fight the same battle daily; a battle to overcome the doubts that rise within us. Its a battle to feel good about ourselves and who we are.

  We are battling to withstand the onslaught of the world, its views about womanhood, and our value as individuals.  

In the past few months I have read page after page of blog posts addressing this grey-ness that overcomes us all.  "Believe in yourself" they say.  "You are Enough" is the battle-cry".  I'll admit it's heartwarming to read through the never-ending feel good articles of women patting each other on the back.  "I feel this way too," I will think, as I read yet another article about a woman who struggles to feel important.

But sometimes, I wonder..."Is there more to this story"?  

WHY do we feel this doubt and what can we do to really fight against it, instead of just reading articles telling us that we are good enough.  I mean, don't misunderstand me, I enjoy posts encouraging women to believe they are beautiful, but if we don't believe it ourselves, what good did the message from a stranger do?  I know personally, it might make me smile for about 10 seconds, till I walk back into the reality of my chaotic world.

I wonder, how can we effectively wage this war against "The Grey".  How can we convince ourselves and the women in our lives to not just tell themselves that they are good enough, but really believe it?  Ladies we need a PLAN!  And not just some "lose 10 lbs in 10 days or your money back" kind of gimmick, but we need something that will really make a difference in our everyday life. 

I'm not going to pretend to have all the answers, and I am not a professional.  But I have always seemed to have sharpie on my forehead saying "Tell me
your problems", and have been on many a living room sofa with a friend pouring out her heart.   I have seen women struggle and cry and I have been there myself.  I have felt the moments (or centuries) of despair and loneliness.  From these years of encouraging others and learning myself I have formulated a plan.  Its a plan to literally BREAK through the grey.  To fight our way out of feeling like we are somehow less, for whatever reasons we have assigned to ourselves.  And it means work.  

I'm going to outline the plan below, and then each week we will focus on one aspect of the plan.  We can do it ladies, we can move forward into the light, believe in ourselves, and spread that light to the world around us.  But first, we have to break through.

B- Believe in your infinite worth

R- Reject the worlds messages

E- Edify and Educate yourself

A- Accept your weaknesses

K- Know your Strengths

T- Take care of your body

H- Have Daily Prayer

R- Reach outward

O- Obey the commandments

U- Use the scriptures as a tool

G- Give Generously

H- Hear the whisperings of the Spirit

For Mothers of Every Age

We are all grateful for the women that we call Mother, but I am not sure that we spend enough time being Thankful to BE MOTHERS. 

I want to point out first of all that motherhood is our divine calling, and it is something extended to all women- THAT includes those who have not yet had the opportunity to bear or raise their OWN children.

Sheri Dew, who was a member of the General Relief Society Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, has never had the opportunity to marry and bear children, and she has expressed her thoughts on this subject much more beautifully than I ever could so I am going to tell it to you.

"While we tend to equate motherhood solely with maternity, in the Lord’s language, the word mother has layers of meaning. Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve “the mother of all living” and they did so before she ever bore a child. Like Eve, our motherhood began before we were born. Just as worthy men were foreordained to hold the priesthood in mortality, righteous women were endowed premortally with the privilege of motherhood. Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.

Elder John A. Widtsoe was explicit: “Women who through no fault of their own cannot exercise the gift of motherhood directly, may do so vicariously.”

Few of us will reach our potential without the nurturing of both the mother who bore us and the mothers who bear with us." (Sheri Dew)

As women we are full of opportunities to mother others,

 let me give you an example from my own life.

Linda Lawrence, is a wonderful woman, who has just one child- yet she was a mother to all of us, her sons friends- I knew when I was sad I could go to her and she would give me one of her the Great hugs  she is famous for, and I knew she loved me and cared about what happened to me- and that was enough to make it all better.

With or without children of our own- as women we are ALL MOTHERS- and we have a great responsibility. But when we are blessed with children in our home, the most important work that we can do is THERE with them.

We live in a difficult world where the family is falling apart-- Divorce is almost as common as marriage and people are more concerned with success than they are with their children. Children are growing up without the strong family influence so vital to their moral character- they are learning their values from TV and Friends instead of from their parents- and we, as mothers- hold the key to the whole problem!

Sister Virgina U. Jensen of the General Relief Society Board said this

"It is my sincere belief that the most powerful protection against the deteriorating condition of the family is a faithful, righteous mother. In 1993 President Hinckley said: “I remind mothers everywhere of the sanctity of your calling. No other can adequately take your place. No responsibility is greater, no obligation more binding than that you rear in love and peace and integrity those whom you have brought into the world.”

What a great responsibility the Lord has given to us- I feel SO HONORED to be a part of that- We are the ones with the power to change everything- for our children.

This power given to us is almost magical- we have the ability to mold and shape little minds- and to watch them reflect the things that we have taught them.  Here is a moment I wrote about when my oldest was still small.

"My 4 year old, Ethan is quite a talker- as a matter of fact he rarely stops- (I can't imagine where that comes from) and so as he is getting older I am constantly seeing myself in him- Imitating me—sometimes its sweet, sometimes its funny, and sometimes I am shocked at what he has picked up- and embarrassed that it came from me!-But each time this happens, I am overwhelmed with the strongest feelings- because I am SO grateful that it is MEEEEE that he is copying, not some babysitter, or daycare worker- or the television.-- My husband and I are the strongest influences in his life and that is how it was intended to be."

In “The Family, A proclamation to the world", 

they are very specific about the roles of parents.

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children."

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN????- Well also in the proclamation the first presidency states-

"Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. "Children are an heritage of the Lord" (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations."

Wow, what a big responsibility- I don't know about you, but thats almost overwhelming to me! It is our SACRED DUTY, and we will be held accountable for that obligation. I feel so inadequate for this challenge the Lord has given to me- I look at my two small children and feel scared, there is so much evil in the world- how can I teach them everything they need to know- how can I prepare them for it all. But the truth is that AS MOTHERS we are blessed to be partners with the Lord. We are instruments in his hands and he can guide us to do the things that are best for our children. But when I get too overwhelmed with it all, I can find comfort in the words of President Hinckley given in a General Relief Society Meeting a few years back. He was speaking specifically to us mothers, and he says

To you young women with small children, yours is a tremendous challenge. So often there is not enough money. You must scrimp and save. You must be wise and careful in your expenditures. You must be strong and bold and brave and march forward with gladness in your eye and love in your heart. How blessed you are, my dear young mothers. You have children who will be yours forever. I hope that you have been sealed in the house of the Lord and that your family will be an everlasting family in the kingdom of our Father.

May you be given strength to carry your heavy load, to meet every obligation, to walk side by side with a good and faithful and caring man, and together with him rear and nurture and bring up your children in righteousness and truth. Nothing else you will ever own, no worldly thing you will ever acquire will be worth so much as the love of your children. God bless you, my dear, dear young mothers.

Then we have you older women who are neither young nor old. You are in the most wonderful season of your lives. Your children are in their teens. Possibly one or two are married. Some are on missions, and you are sacrificing to keep them in the field. You are hoping and praying for their success and happiness. To you dear women I offer some special counsel.

Count your blessings; name them one by one. You don't need a great big mansion of a house with an all-consuming mortgage that goes on forever. You do need a comfortable and pleasant home where love abides. Someone has said that there is no more beautiful picture than that of a good woman cooking a meal for those she loves. Weigh carefully that which you do. You do not need some of the extravagances that working outside the home might bring. Weigh carefully the importance of your being in the home when your children come from school.

I am very blessed to be able to stay home with my children-

I have people all the time who say- Oh you are SO lucky, I wish I could stay home- but we just can't afford it. And sometimes I just want to say to them- “have you ever tried?”- I do recognize that there are many women who must work outside the home to survive, for various reasons beyond their control- and I admire these women greatly-but for the rest of us, I bear my testimony to you that if you trust in the Lord and take that leap of faith- it is possible.

When asked what her feelings were on women working outside the home- A former General Relief Society president- Sister Barbara B Smith has said...

Sister Barbara B Smith (general Relief Society President): The decision of a mother to go to work outside her home is an individual matter. Some widowed and divorced mothers may find they have to work to support themselves and their children. For some women working is a right decision at a certain time; for others it is not. It is not a simple choice. This is an area in which a woman must be most thoughtful and prayerful. She must carefully weigh the economic advantages against the possible adverse effects on the family of her absence from home. She must recognize her vital responsibilities as a wife and mother and ask herself how these will be affected if she leaves the home for outside employment. She must explore all of the options and choose the activities which will permit the greatest good for those for whom she has primary responsibility.

I'm not saying it's easy. I KNOW for a fact that it isn't easy financially to stay home- We live on a cop's salary- so believe me- I know... I spend hours budgeting and planning every single penny we have. And I will NEVER be fashionably dressed, and I shop for groceries with a calculator in my hand- make a tube of foundation last three years and cringe when my kids need new shoes-

BUT, I am there when my children bring me a book and say “read to me” 5 times a day, I am there to sing them to sleep every night, and to talk about their latest "crush". I am there to take them on walks to teach them about Nature, I am there to answer every single one of the million questions, and if I teach my children NOTHING else, I will have taught them that I loved them enough to give up all the rest.

A Good chunk of mommys job is not to give orders but to listen...

There was a fantastic story in the Ensign called “Mother Come Home” Where a woman had planned and prepared her entire life for her dream of being a successful corporate executive. She finished graduate school and was offered a job with a major international company that would assure her success and wealth, but would be very demanding on her family. After much prayer she was guided not to take the job and eventually became a full time “stay at home” mom. let me just read you a quote from that

After four years with this company, I felt that I was not supposed to work outside the home anymore. After another long night of counseling with my husband and with the Lord, I told the company owner I would be leaving. This decision took a leap of faith because we still had bills to pay, including student loans, and we had recently welcomed another daughter, Aerie, to our family. But I had learned that I am happiest when I follow the Lord’s plan for my life rather than my own personal plans.

Three years after this difficult decision to leave my job, our daughter Aerie asked me, “Mom, if someone said you could have ten thousand million diamonds or your Aerie, what would you choose?” I told her, “I would choose my Aerie.” She went on, “If someone said you could have ten million hundred dollars or your Aerie, what would you choose?” Again I told her, “I would choose my Aerie.” She jumped up and down, crying with glee, “I knew you would say that! I just knew you would say that!”

It hit me then that I had chosen my Aerie. Had I taken the position with the large international company, I probably would not have her in my life. And she is truly a joy, as are our four other children.

My mother was Valedictorian of her high school class, and when she recently went for her 30 year reunion, people were shocked to find out she -by their standards hadn't done anything great-, they expected so much of her- expected her to have all these accomplishments and all these degrees- but she doesn't feel like them at all- She could have been ANYTHING- but she CHOSE to be a Mother-She says-

“I made my job successful, because that is what I cared about- so I put my whole heart and soul into it. What is the difference between excelling there- and excelling outside the home- where down the road no-one really cares.

“I did a little of everything”- and that was MY CHOICE, and I don't regret it, not at all- I can't think of anything I would rather have done.”

Now whether you stay at home or must work- you are NO LESS A MOTHER- If anything it is more challenging for those women who are forced into the workplace- for whatever reason... I do have great respect and awe for these women and their efforts to compensate for the time spent away from home.

Being a mother is difficult no matter how you look at it- We all have different circumstances, and different obstacles-

I had a conversation with a friend the other day who had had a disagreement with her husband over whose job was more difficult. She didn't felt like he understood how hard it was to be a mother- and he didn't feel like she understood how hard his job was -and how much he needed to relax when he got home- instead of sharing in responsibilities. Whether we work or not, I imagine we have all had similar battles- feeling like no one understands how difficult what you 43do is. I have found myself spending what precious time I have with my husband complaining about the difficulties of my day- and giving him a play by play of everything that the kids did- and how frustrating it all was- etc etc. It finally hit me that I was trying to prove to him that what I did was hard and important- I needed him to know that I was working hard.-- And I found myself doing it with other people too- Like I needed everyone else's approval for my work as a mother. I call it “Validation” when we constantly need others - be it our husband, friends, family, or even the rest of the world- to approve or validate what we do. We can never truly be happy when our happiness or sense of self comes from others.

In this conversation with my friend, we both realized, that it isn't anyone else's approval that we needed.  We just needed to believe in OURSELVES and believe in what we are doing. As mothers, we have to find that strength within ourselves- and that can be harder than we ever imagined as naïve young women dreaming of what motherhood would be like. If you struggle with this, as we all do, I promise the Lord can help you. A favorite scripture we all know- 1 Nephi 3:7 reads, that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he hath commanded them.  The Lord has blessed us to be mothers- he knows our individual circumstances, and if we go to him for support and approval we will find it. He will help us through the challenges that come our way- whether you are a single mom with two kids- trying to make ends meet- or a stay at home mom struggling to find meaning in the day to day menial tasks that never end.

We also have to accept some pretty basic things about Motherhood, like the fact that the world is NEVER going to view our job as important or worthwhile. We are going to sit in work parties with our husbands and have the other women turn their noses up when they ask what we do, and we say “I chose to stay home with my children.” We are going to have people filling out forms ask us for our job, and when we say “stay at home Mom” they are going to say “Oh so you don't work”? Its going to happen, again and again and again. And I won't pretend that these things don't STILL bother me, but what bothers me now isn't that it makes me feel small anymore. NOW, it bothers me that these women don't know any better. That they don't have the same conviction that I do, that a mothers place is in the home.

I have always wanted to be a Mother-


I was going to be the perfect Mom--


kids always dressed nice and matching- and hair combed-

A nutritious meal always on the table at 5

I would always have this sense of fulfillment and accomplishment

Fast forward to a few years ago----


Its about 6:30 at night

the house is a disaster- although I spent all day cleaning it

there are piles of dirty dishes- even though the sink was empty this morning and there is a stack of laundry that needs to be folded and another one that I SWEAR I just put away that morning

the boys need a bath and are chasing each other around the kitchen with their fish sticks and frozen corn scattered all over the kitchen table

My husband is at work and won't be home till the middle of the night and I am at my wits end-- It wasn't supposed to be like this!

Ethan has been arguing with me, and even though he has dumped every toy he owns on the family room floor I can NOT get him to clean it up!- I can't remember what he had said specifically but it was enough to make me VERY angry with him.

SO I call my Mom and I am just complaining and venting about how frustrated I am, and how much these guys drive me crazy and how tired I am and so on and so on and so on. -- and she stops me in the middle of my tirade and says-

Put everything down and go gather your children in your arms and read them a story- and I was like “WHAT” But Mom, I am so mad, and so on and so on... but she persisted, so I did as she suggested. And do you know what? It got better. The kitchen was still a mess, and the laundry still needed to be folded and the playroom was still a disaster. But I WAS THE ONE WHO CHANGED. My attitude turned towards loving and teaching instead of yelling and screaming.

What did I learn from this small moment? That I am NEVER going to be perfect, and that my kids aren't going to be perfect- but my kids don't care- they love me no matter what, and its BEING THERE that counts.

Elder Jeffrey R Holland gave us some words of wisdom when he said.

Yours is the grand tradition of Eve, the mother of all the human family, the one who understood that she and Adam had to fall in order that “men [and women] might be” 9 and that there would be joy. Yours is the grand tradition of Sarah and Rebekah and Rachel, without whom there could not have been those magnificent patriarchal promises to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob which bless us all. Yours is the grand tradition of Lois and Eunice and the mothers of the 2,000 stripling warriors. Yours is the grand tradition of Mary, chosen and foreordained from before this world was, to conceive, carry, and bear the Son of God Himself. We thank all of you, including our own mothers, and tell you there is nothing more important in this world than participating so directly in the work and glory of God, in bringing to pass the mortality and earthly life of His daughters and sons, so that immortality and eternal life can come in those celestial realms on high.

“May I say to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are magnificent. You are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you have been given such a responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your Father in Heaven has in you. He knows that your giving birth to a child does not immediately propel you into the circle of the omniscient. If you and your husband will strive to love God and live the gospel yourselves; if you will plead for that guidance and comfort of the Holy Spirit promised to the faithful; if you will go to the temple to both make and claim the promises of the most sacred covenants a woman or man can make in this world; if you will show others, including your children, the same caring, compassionate, forgiving heart you want heaven to show you; if you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do.”

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “Because She Is a Mother,” Ensign, May 1997, 36.

I bear my testimony to you, that motherhood is the greatest gift we, as women have been given. We need to cherish it and appreciate what a gift it is. We need to believe in ourselves if we choose to stay home and KNOW that what we are CHOOSING our children over success in the world. What a wonderful gift to have that choice to make! And I challenge you to sit down with your children and love them, read to them, sing to them, and play with them. Sometimes its okay to let the house go and just enjoy the little moments. Because they really do grow up before you can blink. I encourage you to get down on your knees and seek your validation from the Lord and stop allowing the world to make you feel small.  We are mothers, and it is the greatest blessing in the world!

-Aleesha

Happily Ever After..The choice

Unlike Snow White's kiss, or Cinderella's Midnight Ball, "Happily Ever After" is not something that just HAPPENS to you.  YOU have to CHOOSE it every single day.  Obviously its in the big choices, like

Where do I go to college?

What will I do with my life?

Will I choose to sleep with my boyfriend or will I choose to wait for marriage?

Will I choose to smoke/drink/do drugs?

Will I choose to love myself for who I am?

But its also in the little choices that you make every single day. The ones that don't seem like that big of a deal all alone, but add up to make you the person that you are.

What do I do with my time?

Do I speak kindly to others?

Do I have a good attitude?

Do I turn in my homework and try for good grades?

Do I make an effort to get up on time?

Do I lie, even on the little things?

Do I respect my parents?

Do I obey the rules?

Do I try to look nice and take care with my appearance?

Who am I dressing for, myself or others?

Am I the kind of person that makes others feel good about themselves?

Do I set goals and work hard to achieve them?

Do I eat healthy?

Am I a good friend?

 Do I gossip?

Etc.

As you grow, your situation and your choices will change, but the message is the same.  Each day, you have decisions to make- some you will think about and others you might not even realize are choices.  But it all adds up to determine your level of happiness.  You can't choose the bad things and not have them affect your life now AND in the future.  We all know girls that seemed to have the perfect life and ended up pregnant, right?  Girls, pregnancy is not something that just happens to you.  It is the result of a choice.  And the effects of that choice are life changing, not just for the girl, but for her family and ultimately for her child.  However, even small bad choices can have life changing effects, like a small lie that gets bigger and bigger and eventually smothers you.  One of my favorite authors said

"The sordid things in life

 leave you with nothing but 

tarnished memories" 

(Emilie Loring)

Make the good choices girls, decide what "Happily Ever After" means for YOU.  Maybe that's the perfect job, a college degree, or a home and family.  Whatever your happily ever after is- CHOOSE IT NOW.  And keep making the choices that will get you there every day.  

Keep in mind that it doesn't happen all at once- not like in the stories- but gradually as you choose to live a good life you will come to realize that your life IS your Happily Ever After.

-Aleesha

Barbies Vs. G.I. Joe

Barbies Verses G.I. Joe

Do you ever wonder if you are ever going to figure out that mystery they call the opposite sex?

Have you just given up on ever having a successful relationship with one of “them”?

Whether you are dealing with a good friend or a romantic interest, the key to better communication revolves around recognizing and appreciating your differences. And how to use them to your advantage!

SO Read on, Relax, and start talking on the same LEVEL!

*Disclaimer- Obviously the following is a generalization!  Every person is a unique individual, and you should spend every day of a relationship getting to really know that person on an individual basis, but this is a good place to start.

Basic Differences Between Guys and Girls

GIRLS

-Very Verbal, Talk about Everything, solve problems by talking them out. Want to know whats wrong—Listen to understand, and to empathize. Good to talk to because they make you feel like they really care about your problem

-Emotional, Don’t like to be teased as much, take everything to heart, and everything is an insult. Much more sensitive about appearance, and others perception of them

-Natural Mothers…-Gentle, kind, caring,

-“Feelers”—Both physically and emotionally.

-Need Little reassurances of affection—Love surprises, and random expressions of appreciation

-Need Respect and Romance

-Read in between the lines and TALK IN RIDDLES!!! And expect guys to understand- (they don’t!)

-Build Castles in the Sky about everything- (DREAMERS)

-Like to talk about everything that happens in a relationship- Want to go over every detail over and over

-Very "Touchy" put their hands on a guys arm, or play with his hair, etc. Its natural for girls and they may not realize how it affects a guy.

-Girls like holding hands, and to have a guys arm around their shoulders or their waist.

- Like to feel protected and safe--

-Likes SECURITY~

-Feelings change fast and often, easily become mistrustful--

-Believe that if something is good, there is always a way to make it better—Never satisfied with mediocrity. A favorite phrase is...“can we move to the next level in our relationship”- or feeling the need to “define the relationship”

-Often hold a grudge, can’t forget a fight – Bring it up over and over..

-Want Empathy from guys

-Motivated when they feel cherished.

-Need someone to talk to when they are upset

GUYS

-Better problem solvers; Think things out logically- Want explanations. Often when thinking they retreat into themselves, and don’t have any desire for conversation.

-Thinkers and Do-ers

-Not very verbal…enjoy talking, but not about everything. Enjoy downtime- and just NOT thinking for awhile (girls can NOT get this!)

-Listen to SOLVE problems, listen for the why, when and how

- Focus more on Facts instead of feelings!

-Natural Fathers…desire leadership, power, independence

–Often don’t know limits when teasing

-More easygoing, take things for what they are, don’t read into every thing

-BLUNT, pretty much tell it like it is

-Don’t know how to read between the lines (or even that they are expected to), so they often misunderstand girl’s intentions!

-Don’t understand that girls read so much into their words.

-Say whats on their mind without thinking first

-Need acceptance

-Need to feel like they are NEEDED, don’t like to feel expendable.

-Like to feel like they are pleasing others

-Guys are affected strongly by physical touch, they notice every touch you bestow- even if they aren't listening to what you say  

–Have a natural instinct for protection, often feel that they have to prove their Manhood- they don’t want to feel like a girl has to do something for them...or stand up for them

-Believe in the theory that “if it ain’t broke- then don’t fix it!” (especially in relationships)

-Forgive more easily…move on and forget past problems. Don’t usually hold grudges

-Have a hard time just listening…They think girls want solutions…try to solve their problems for them…and just cause more

-Need to be alone when they are upset

-Aleesha

In the Looking Glass

I got up the other morning and stood in front of the bathroom mirror getting ready for the day, and as usual I found myself staring at my imperfections and focusing in on them one by one- wishing I had a smaller nose, bigger eyes, tighter abs, larger chest, etc...etc. 

 I looked down to see my little girl, 3 years old standing beside me mimicking my every move.  

Pinching her face up and staring at herself in the mirror critically, she looked just like me. 

 Normally my little one will twirl and prance in front of the mirror, very clearly admiring herself, but not today, today she was copying me.  It kind of hit me in the face that this is a lot of what is wrong with our ideas about ourselves as girls today.  When we are young, we believe truly, that we are beautiful.  As we grow and watch those around us, we start to pick out what we believe are our imperfections and the more we stare at them the less we like what we see.  Shouldn't we instead, stand back and assume that youthful innocence and believe we are beautiful, for who we are? 

It is my intention to help you recognize the beauty in the looking glass, and to help you step back into that 3 year old mindset that we had before the world told us we needed to be 5'10'' and 110 lbs, with a large chest and perfect features.  Love yourself, swirl in front of the mirror and remember you are beautiful.

-Aleesha