BELIEVE in your Infinite Worth

Step 1: B

Believe in your INFINITE Worth.

We are conditioned, by the world we grew up in, to believe that our worth- or our value- 

is something that must be defined in finite terms.

I am of value, because I am beautiful.

I am of value, because I am thin.

I am of value, because I am intelligent.

I am of value, because I have an education.

I am of value, because I play the piano well.

I am of value, because I am fashionable.

Etc, Etc, Etc

The danger in defining worth in these finite ways is that whenever something happens to challenge our thinking, our faith in our own value crumbles.

When I started college, I defined myself very clearly.  I was beautiful, I was intelligent, and I was talented.  I felt very confident in myself and in my abilities and had a very healthy self esteem.  I knew that I could do anything.  

However, it didn't take me very long, to realize I was surrounded by other women who were gorgeous, talented, and intelligent. 

 I suddenly felt very small, and insignificant, and began to challenge the picture I had painted for myself of who I was. Then the rosy future I had planned began to falter.  I got very sick and couldn't sing- which was a HUGE part of my self defined identity, and my MAJOR.  My 2 1/2 year relationship with my boyfriend ended (it was mutual, but it was still a huge readjustment for me mentally).  I fell head over heels for another boy who didn't love me back, and then to top it off I overheard myself being described as an airhead by a close friend.  

Can you imagine how I felt?  

Everything I had used to define myself had been challenged.

 

One night in particular, I felt...so alone...so completely alone.  Most of my friends and pretty much the entire campus was at a fancy dance that I had VERY much wanted to attend, and had not been invited to. I had been very sick recently, and had been told by a doctor that it was "all in my head" and that I needed to wake up and realize that I wasn't the perfect person I thought I was, and to admit to myself that I had sins I hadn't repented of, or I wouldn't be feeling this way." (I ended up having an undiagnosed heart condition that was surgically repaired a few years later...take THAT shady doctor!)  

Anyway I was lying on our picnic table in our front yard staring up at the stars, and feeling so very alone, when I began to sing "Somewhere Out There" softly to myself.  Far away I had a tiny little 7 year old sister, and we would sing that song to each other over the phone when she missed me.  (Shannon) 

 I realized, as I sang the words that there was someone out there who loved me no matter what,
 not just my little sister,

but God, my Loving Father in Heaven.

 

I felt suddenly encompassed by a warm blanket, even though the night was chilly, and felt my Fathers love for me, and my infinite worth to him, in that moment.  INFINITE.  

Never ending, and without limits.

 My life didn't suddenly get easier.  I didn't meet my prince charming the next day, and my health didn't get better for years to come.  But in that moment I realized that my value, and my worth, had nothing to do with the ways I had defined myself.  I began to work a little harder on appreciating my relationship with my father in heaven.  When things got worse, he was there beside me.

Ladies, WE put the limits on our value.  We are the ones who believe we are only of worth "if we are __________".  

Our Father in Heaven loves us no matter what.

 He loves us in our weak moments, as much as he loves us when we are

doing something Amazing.

You are a princess, a Daughter of a King.  And when YOU know and BELIEVE in this infinite worth, everything else becomes a little less important.  You are freed from the restraints you have put upon your own value, and you can become whatever, whomever you want to become.  

I challenge you this week, to find faith in yourself and your relationship with God.  Get down on your knees, even if you think you have forgotten how, and simply talk.  Ask your father in heaven for a little more confidence in your own value.  I promise you, if you ask- in faith, you will find the answers you are looking for.

I want to share a video that shows one Young Woman's Journey through self discovery.  Lindsay Stirling is a favorite in our house, and after watching this, we love her a little more- if that's even possible.

-Aleesha Bake

See Aleesha's original post at: Break Through: The plan

Ladies and Gentlemen

Spring 2013

  "Well isn't today just beautiful?!" I couldn't help but asking myself as I walked to work this morning.  The sun is out (I think you'll notice a common trend that I happen to love it when the sun is out.), the trees are green, there's no snow, and it is just radiant outside today!  (Seriously. I forgot my sunglasses, and my eyes are secretly hating me for it.)  Today, my message for you is about not just love, but about life.  What exactly though?  (I know...ALL of my messages are about the same kind of thing ;) )  

Today I want to address the idea of being 

ladies and gentlemen.  

What does this even mean in our culture today?  Now think about that question for a minute.  Were you raised to be a lady or a gentleman?  I'm talking to you ladies out there, and asking...how do you think of yourself?  How do you think of the men in your life?  In our world today, there is evidence on top of evidence suggesting the loss of this concept.  Take a look at the article excerpt from Leonard Sax's "Ladies and Gentlemen, Skanks and Pimps."  (I'm sorry for those words...but it is the article title.)

     "The New York Times recently published a column by Lynn Messina, a regular contributor, in which she complained about her preschool teaching her 4-year-old son something about what it means to be a gentleman. Ms. Messina was upset that her preschool would dare to use the word “gentleman.” In Ms. Messina’s opinion, teaching girls and boys to be Ladies and Gentlemen is a “first lesson in sexism.” She admits that when she shares her concern with other parents, not all agree. “What’s the harm in teaching little boys to respect little girls?” they ask. I would ask the same question. If you fail to teach little boys to respect little girls, some years later you are likely to have teenage boys who do not respect teenage girls."

Read the FULL ARTICLE

    Apparently, we shouldn't even be teaching children about ladies and gentlemen! Let me ask, what happened to this ideal that used to be such a part of our society?  I was so saddened as I read this full article, that I made up my mind to write a post about it.  

     I was raised in a very traditional, religious, southern family.  That being said, I love everyone I meet, and I was also raised to never hold prejudices against ANYONE, regardless of color, sexual orientation, background, or political party. I want to make it plain though, that while I will never discriminate against those of homosexual orientation, I do not agree with, nor will ever support homosexuality.  I have had many friends who are gay or lesbian, and I have never loved them any less. I would like for you to bear this in mind, as I discuss my views on this Ladies and Gentlemen issue, since I will only refer to love and marriage in a traditional sense.  If that offends you, I am very sorry that it does, and I hope you will continue to read other blog posts that don't.  It is not my intention to offend, but I want it clear where I stand.  

     Growing up, my mother relentlessly enforced the ideals of being a "little lady," and "would a princess act that way?"  I can remember kicking my childhood best friend Christopher Stewart in his "man parts", and my mother about lost her marbles.  In addition to that, I was always splashing in the creek, coming home mud-streaked, and saying whatever was on my mind.  After each of these episodes (nearly every day) my mom would sit down with me, and discuss the importance of acting like a lady, and emphasizing that I could still have fun, but I needed to do it in the right time and place, and respect other ladies and gentlemen. 

     My mother taught me to say kind things, help others in need, and dress in an appropriate manner.  She taught me how to have tact, and hold my head up high, no matter how someone's biting words hurt. She taught me how to keep my composure, and how to act like a LADY. I have carried these principles with me as I have grown, and work to show others that today, I am the LADY she wanted me to be. Do you act like a lady?  

It's not just about femininity, it's about 
professionalism, tact and composure. 

     Now, with all of that in mind...now let me ask you my REAL question- do you LOOK for a GENTLEMAN?  If you already have a sweetheart, do you TREAT him like a GENTLEMAN?  This is our job as women.  We act like ladies, they treat us like ladies.  We find a gentleman, and we treat him as such.  How should a gentleman be treated though?  I'm not talking about doing the "make-me-a-sandwich" kind of things. Here's a list of questions to ask yourself, because as a LADY, it is my responsibility to treat my gentleman as such, and it's yours too.

1. Do you treat him with the same respect you would your father?
2. Do you allow him to act as a gentlemen?
     *Letting him open the door for you
     *Letting him pay
     *Letting him pull out your chair
3. Do you LET him protect you from harm?
4. Do you let him compliment you?
5. Do you try to "out-do" him? Stop.
6. Do you let him take care of you when you're sick or hurt?
7. Do you take his arm, and allow him to take the lead? (Not just in dancing)
8. Do you let him surprise you?
9. Do you make him feel love in return?
10. Do you THANK HIM FOR EVERYTHING HE DOES?

     If we fail to do these things as women, 

men will fail to treat us this way.  

Every girl wants to be treated like a lady, but we have to let our men do so.  There is nothing wrong with being a strong, independent woman, but if a man never feels as though he can be the gentleman, and take care of you, then why will he continue to try? A major portion of being a lady is allowing gentlemen to act AS GENTLEMEN.  I've seen dozens of Facebook statues, and Pinterest quotes, and news articles asking the SAME QUESTION: "What happened to good old fashioned gentlemen?"  Well women...I fear we have driven them away and forgotten their importance to us.  

    I challenge you (I will always have a challenge for you), be a lady, and allow your man to be a gentle one.  Let him do these things for you, and then allow him to feel loved in return. Do things for him, surprise him, THANK HIM, and most of all, let him know how loved he is.  

    Ask yourself if you act like a lady, with tact, composure, compassion and professionalism?  You don't have to sacrifice independence and originality for these things. In no way am I suggesting that we put back on 50 layers of skirts, and give up the right to vote. But I am telling you, it's OKAY to be a LADY.  It's about being respectful and respected in return; respected by the men we want to be GENTLEMEN.

      I know I can be better at being a lady, and letting Eric always be the gentleman.  He gets on me for it all the time!!  We can all be better.  So how will it be for you?  I'm holding myself accountable here.  I want to make sure that I can answer all of my own questions appropriately. 

    Think about it. Read up more on it if you want, and finish that article I posted.  Decide what is of value to you, and what isn't.  Most of all...be a lady, and let him be a gentleman. 

Never Less than Stunning

Spring 2013
     Good morning lovely readers! So I've a couple thoughts to share with you on this beautiful day.  It really is fabulous. Look. 

It's sunny, it's relatively warm (for Utah winter) and I couldn't feel more refreshed.  Lately, there have been some difficult trials in my life, and that's no real excuse, but it is my reason for not blogging more.  But I'm committing to those who read this...I promise to write more.  Instead of just writing down my ideas for posts, I'll make sure I just write the post instead ;).  

      What I want to share with you today though, isn't simply a list of the reasons I'm sorry for not being a better blog queen, it's how I feel today.  As I was getting ready, I was listening to a wonderful song by Phillip Phillips.  It's called Home, and it never fails to put me a glorious mood. I tried on about 32 outfits, only managing to find a good one for my interview tomorrow. Nothing for today! So I kept trying on outfits and listening to this song over and over.  When I finally had arranging the perfect outfit, I took a look in the mirror and thought, "Okay...this is decent. WHAT?! I forgot to put on any makeup!!!" Who forgets their makeup!?! So I quickly applied all the basics and put a red flower in my hair. 

     But then something caught me...what on earth was I thinking?  Yes...my outfit is cute, and the red flower is just perfect, my hair is in the right place...but is that REALLY what makes me beautiful?  Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to call myself beautiful- but when I looked in the mirror, that's exactly how I felt.  WHY?

     That's when it hit me what was different about the picture.  I FEEL beautiful.  I feel beautiful not because of the clothes and the makeup and the flower...I feel beautiful because I am happy, and today is beautiful, and WHY ON EARTH would I feel anything less?   

     My message for you today ladies is about inner beauty.   We always talk about it, and we talk about boosting it, and appreciating it, but yet it always seems just beyond our fingertips.  I've heard the old phrase "beauty comes from within," I don't know how many times.  I've heard it so many times thought because it is ABSOLUTELY TRUE.  I recently went to an old friend's wedding reception and she looked radiant.  My roommate/ best friend leaned over and said, "She looks so beautiful.  She knows she's beautiful, and everyone else can see it. It must be how happy she is." HOW TRUE IS THAT- for ALL of us? 

      Inner beauty is that feeling of being happy, and knowing who you are.  It's recognizing the flaws and the perfections in ourselves, and loving them both.  I'm not talking appearance.  I'm speaking about the quirks to our personalities that make us individual, unique, and yes BEAUTIFUL.  When a woman, or a girl is happy with WHO she is, she honestly can't help but be stunning, and everyone around her knows it, and sees it.  

     Woman are always looking for validation.  "Does my hair look okay? Can you tell I have a huge zit?  Do these jeans make me look lumpy?"  WHY do we ask these questions?  I CHALLENGE you- Don't ask.  

KNOW how you FEEL, and OWN IT! Stop looking for validation in other places, in other people, on Pinterest for goodness sake.  Look for validation in yourself.  Be happy with the woman you see.  She may not be perfect, and she may have some truly rough things to deal with, she might not be great at crafts or math, and she may not be a size 0, but she is INCREDIBLE, and she is special.  
      The only person who needs to know that is herself, and then the rest of the world will be blinded by that happiness and light coming from her; blinded by her beauty that radiates around her.  

     I wrote on my mirror, "Never less than Absolutely Stunning," to remind myself that my beauty comes from within and when I'm happy, I will always be beautiful to others around me yes, but more importantly to myself.

 Happiness is beauty, and when I feel happy with myself, I feel beautiful.  

    So I'm asking you to go look at yourself.  Go smile in the mirror and KNOW that you are happy, amazing, and NEVER LESS THAN STUNNING.  Remind yourself of this every day.  Work on the things that you want to change, and deal with the trials that come day by day, but above all remember WHO YOU ARE, and how beautiful that woman is every single day.  

Happiness is your choice, and so is beauty.  So remember, in my eyes, and in the rest of the world's, and in yours 

You are never less than stunning. 

As Individual As a Snowflake

December 2012

As Individual as a Snowflake

     Hello my lovely readers!  Today is a glorious day!! I have to admit- I've been in a bit a of a "funk" if you will, ALL week.  As you well know my mom came to visit last week, and I guess I've been singing the homesick blues since then.  

     But I'm happy to report that this morning upon waking up, I was reminded of one of the reasons I love living where I do. I woke up gently, and looked around, feeling extremely cold (my window was open).  When I eventually peeked out of the shutters- what did I find? 

*SNOW!*

 No I did not take this :) I found it on Google.

     Growing up in North Carolina, snow was not a source of inclement weather, but a treat- a reason to pull out cocoa mugs and cuddle up for the storm.  

We always got out of school (I wish this were still true now...:( ) and I would spend the day with my family and best friends gallivanting through the snow, pretending to be an Ice Princess.  

Every year I would spend the months of November through February peeking out of my blinds for snow

 hoping,

 wishing, 

 praying, 

and even pleading 

 (trying to make bargains with the Lord is not always the best route when wanting snow ;) ) 

 for just a few flakes. 

Or a Snow demon...

 Once in a while, those childhood prayers were answered and I would see the soft, white, beautiful flakes falling slowly to the ground.

     Now that I live away from home, here in Utah, I see snow more often than not in the winter.  Yet- despite how often I see the snow, I never tire of those tiny crystals hitting my "nose, and eyelashes!" So, waking up to see all of this wondrous snow- changed my tune entirely.  What I thought would be the start of a bad weekend, full of work and business, is turning into a lovely weekend with just a touch of Winter Magic.  To me those tiny flakes bring a sense of magic to the atmosphere.

Calvin and Hobbes Snow Men :)

     What is it that makes them so incredibly special and mysterious? Is it how they flutter to the ground, leaving a mark on everything that comes in their path?  Is it how they make one stop to wonder and remember life at different times?  Or is it that each one of them is unique and individual? To me it's a combination of each of these.  But what I want to focus on today is the final question.  Each snowflake is it's own.  They all have a separate pattern of beauty and flawless creation.   

      What gives me pause today is knowing that just like every single gorgeous flake that falls, every person I see, know, or simply pass as I walk through the winter wonderland is unique and different like the snowflakes.  No two people are exactly alike.  

Just as the snowflakes fall 

into swirls and pattern of light and white,

 the people we meet walk into our lives,

 and touch us with their 

individual beauty and love. 

     This morning, I spent a good chunk of the morning finishing a fabulous book by Rick Riordan, called The Mark of Athena (see my good reading section for a review).  Annabeth, one of the central characters, compares herself to other characters in the story, and asks what is special about herself.  Everyone around her seems to have a special quality, or a power that makes them almost invincible...and she wonders- what does she have?  She comes to the realization that though her powers may not manifest themselves in wondrous and bold ways for everyone to see- she is just as powerful.  I love this, because we as people learning and growing, can apply this to our own lives. 

 Never waste time comparing yourself to others,

 for while you may seeing others most glorious moments, 

we often compare those to our own downfalls.  

 In reality- we each have incredible power and wisdom, built from the years of experience 

and trial we have 

endured individually.  

We each have a purpose, and the gifts that enable us to fulfill that purpose.  Just like the snowflakes that I can see falling right now- we are all different and beautiful in an individual way. No snowflake compares itself to another...that's silly. So why would we?

     I  challenge every one of you who might read this- go out and find what makes you special if you don't already know.  Search yourself, and discover what blessings and gifts are things that you alone hold.  Whether it's a talent with beautiful music, or the ability to listen when others cannot, or the gift of making delicious bakery items...go uncover it, and appreciate it for all its worth. I've had a rough week, but with the magic I've been given this morning, I am changing my tune, and appreciating the view.  I am exploring constantly to find me, and discover what I can really do.  Most days I definitely need reminding!

So I extend that challenge to you- 

go find what makes 

as beautiful,  

as magical, 

and 

as Individual as a Snowflake. 

Barbies Vs. G.I. Joe

Barbies Verses G.I. Joe

Do you ever wonder if you are ever going to figure out that mystery they call the opposite sex?

Have you just given up on ever having a successful relationship with one of “them”?

Whether you are dealing with a good friend or a romantic interest, the key to better communication revolves around recognizing and appreciating your differences. And how to use them to your advantage!

SO Read on, Relax, and start talking on the same LEVEL!

*Disclaimer- Obviously the following is a generalization!  Every person is a unique individual, and you should spend every day of a relationship getting to really know that person on an individual basis, but this is a good place to start.

Basic Differences Between Guys and Girls

GIRLS

-Very Verbal, Talk about Everything, solve problems by talking them out. Want to know whats wrong—Listen to understand, and to empathize. Good to talk to because they make you feel like they really care about your problem

-Emotional, Don’t like to be teased as much, take everything to heart, and everything is an insult. Much more sensitive about appearance, and others perception of them

-Natural Mothers…-Gentle, kind, caring,

-“Feelers”—Both physically and emotionally.

-Need Little reassurances of affection—Love surprises, and random expressions of appreciation

-Need Respect and Romance

-Read in between the lines and TALK IN RIDDLES!!! And expect guys to understand- (they don’t!)

-Build Castles in the Sky about everything- (DREAMERS)

-Like to talk about everything that happens in a relationship- Want to go over every detail over and over

-Very "Touchy" put their hands on a guys arm, or play with his hair, etc. Its natural for girls and they may not realize how it affects a guy.

-Girls like holding hands, and to have a guys arm around their shoulders or their waist.

- Like to feel protected and safe--

-Likes SECURITY~

-Feelings change fast and often, easily become mistrustful--

-Believe that if something is good, there is always a way to make it better—Never satisfied with mediocrity. A favorite phrase is...“can we move to the next level in our relationship”- or feeling the need to “define the relationship”

-Often hold a grudge, can’t forget a fight – Bring it up over and over..

-Want Empathy from guys

-Motivated when they feel cherished.

-Need someone to talk to when they are upset

GUYS

-Better problem solvers; Think things out logically- Want explanations. Often when thinking they retreat into themselves, and don’t have any desire for conversation.

-Thinkers and Do-ers

-Not very verbal…enjoy talking, but not about everything. Enjoy downtime- and just NOT thinking for awhile (girls can NOT get this!)

-Listen to SOLVE problems, listen for the why, when and how

- Focus more on Facts instead of feelings!

-Natural Fathers…desire leadership, power, independence

–Often don’t know limits when teasing

-More easygoing, take things for what they are, don’t read into every thing

-BLUNT, pretty much tell it like it is

-Don’t know how to read between the lines (or even that they are expected to), so they often misunderstand girl’s intentions!

-Don’t understand that girls read so much into their words.

-Say whats on their mind without thinking first

-Need acceptance

-Need to feel like they are NEEDED, don’t like to feel expendable.

-Like to feel like they are pleasing others

-Guys are affected strongly by physical touch, they notice every touch you bestow- even if they aren't listening to what you say  

–Have a natural instinct for protection, often feel that they have to prove their Manhood- they don’t want to feel like a girl has to do something for them...or stand up for them

-Believe in the theory that “if it ain’t broke- then don’t fix it!” (especially in relationships)

-Forgive more easily…move on and forget past problems. Don’t usually hold grudges

-Have a hard time just listening…They think girls want solutions…try to solve their problems for them…and just cause more

-Need to be alone when they are upset

-Aleesha