“Omigah, You’re so Perf!”

Today, we have a special guest post from a lovely woman I have had the pleasure of knowing and growing up with. She's incredible, and if you don't believe me, just read this post. It certainly reminded me of many things I should be focusing on in my own life. Her name is Niagra, now go fall madly in love with her words, just as I did.

“Omigah, You’re so Perf!”

           

            So how do you feel pretty in a pretty-obsessed world? I can make it simple and tell you all of the cliché stuff Dove commercials use where they capture ‘real women’, as if there is some forbidden land or alternate universe where ‘fake women’ live, (yeah, I know they mean actresses, but using the term ‘real women’ doesn’t make me want to buy your product). Or I can tell you the same things those self-proclaiming, ‘liberating’ naked magazine ads do where they use those celebrities who make you rethink eating that second serving of a good home-cooked meal, and committing to a life where all you can consume is a cup of green tea. 

Or I can be real with you.

            Feeling pretty these days is really, really, really, hard.

            Maybe even a chore.

            Is it not our job as women to look pleasing and appealing to men? And how confusing is it these days, honestly. At least back then all you had to do was to make sure to not be fat. Nowadays, you can’t be skinny either. You have to have a small waist, large hips, more ‘blessed’ attributes, and the perfect calves. Nowadays you have to look ‘fit’, because men really dig girls with six-packs now, oh, and thigh-gaps. And if you’re skinny, you can’t be too skinny, to the point you look ‘unhealthy’. And if your thick, you can’t be too thick, or else someone will mistake you for weighing over two hundred pounds. And if you’re too much of any of these things, then don’t expect to get what you think you deserve, because it’s your fault. 

If you’re a fat girl, don’t expect to get a fit guy, because it’s your duty to make sure your fit too. If you’re a skinny girl....well, you’re just a big meanie-pants for being skinny, (sticks tongue out at all the skinny girls/women in the world). It’s almost as if there is a certain formula for being the perfect girl. Kind of like building a cake. I watch my sister bake or make cakes all the time, and I can never perfect the art (oh, haha, there’s that word again). If you add too much of one thing, the whole cake is ruined. These days, being perfect, is a lot like that.

Darn you hot dog legs!

Oh, and there are perfect girls out there.

    Social media has taken large parts of the world by storm, but seemingly the only thing that makes it of good use is taking selfies. Now I’m not shy to selfies, you kind of need them to get by on social media. I learned that the hard way. The first time I made an account to Facebook, I put a picture up of a butterfly as my profile picture, and got a bunch of snarky comments at school. “I didn’t know you were a butterfly.” Oh, well, I don’t have the next i-whatever to take a decent picture, so.....

            And thus, began the rule of the selfies.

            And there are those girls who are ‘perfect’. Who get those diamond comments: I wish I were you! Omigah, you’re so perf! Perf: shortened for ‘perfect’, isn’t that clever? And as I am feverishly typing away on my bed, I hear my sister beside me gush about the women she follows on those social media apps, and about them all being so ‘perfect’. She shows me them, and my psyche gauge depletes to critical levels. Only later do I notice that all of these women have a few things in common, things I’m sure you can figure out. 

Basically, they don’t look anything like me.

            Not. One. Bit.

The Great Deceiver (cackles manically) I have all the traits of a mystical, magical siren

            Most of you don’t know me or what I look like. And I must admit that my profile pictures are a bit deceiving (I make it a goal to only expose from the neck up, sometimes not even that. Sadly, this is only about twenty percent of the body). 

I am a big girl. Always have been. Have always struggled with losing weight. Have always wistfully looked at my friends or family with much prettier silhouettes or shapes then me. I’d like to kid myself into saying I was curvy, but I consider myself just really....lumpy. I’m laughing as I type this now, but it’s true. My sister sometimes says, ‘oh you’re hourglass shaped’, and while I am proportioned on both top and bottom, why disregard my middle? If we are talking about shapes now, I’d truthfully say I’m more, ‘cardboard-box shaped’. Or, ‘newspaper-shaped’.

Newspaper-Shaped, which is good, because I like newspapers

So, moving on, I also resemble my mother a lot, who is a beauty. 

Did you see that? That one little word? Resemble?

            I don’t look like her.

            I resemble her.

People mistook us for twins.....(scratches beard) .

            People sometimes mistake us for twins if they look too quickly, but then they stand there, and look long enough, and go, “Oh, you’re not Mrs. Campos.” We have different complexions, different bone-structures in the face. I am darker, seemingly always flushed (I am probably the only dark-skinned girl you’ll know to blush red), and my features are more exaggerated. Smaller eyes. Smaller nose, with a bump on top. Smaller lips. And the feature, the one feature to dominate seventy five percent of my face is my cheeks. I have really large cheeks. Or cheek bones, but lots of skin there too. I get mixed reactions to this. Some say I look unapproachable and ‘tough’. Some say I look like a young girl, about fourteen. It always changes, and baffles/confuses me, so I’ve given up deciding which kind of person I was perceived as to the general public. 

There are other features to me, like my extra dry skin, or duck-feet (wide, large Hobbit feet—I say Hobbit, because though they are pretty big for my size, I am no taller then five feet), or my frizzy, scratchy-to-the-touch hair, but I rather not go into that. You get the gist of it. NO ONE is convincing me from a Dove commercial that I’m a ‘worth it’, because NO ONE from those commercials look like me.

I’ve had experiences to lift me up, and to bring me down. I’ve had countless women gush about how beautiful I was, but have also had countless young men slide there eyes over my head and onto my sister or mother, or flat out just say it, “You’d be so pretty if you lost X amount of weight....and if you took out your dreadlocks....and if you didn’t wear those boots that made your legs looks so short, and if you....”

            So I had to learn myself. And what does learning require?

            RESEARCH.

            I stopped wistfully looking into those magazine ads, and started surfing the web, for women who looked like me. They were hidden, like rare gems, but with enough work, enough digging, I found them. Those women who looked like me. And you know....

            They were happy with themselves.

            I also noticed another thing. While they were beautiful, I focused more on the way their eyes lit up when they talked about music/books/clothes/television/their beautiful lives in general. Or the way they laughed, which was infectious, and made me laugh too. Or the way they just carried themselves. With a confidence you couldn’t buy, you had to earn. And these women weren’t ever going to be put in a Dove commercial or magazine cover/ad. Like, ever. And it didn’t matter.

They were loved. By men. By women. By children. 

But more importantly, by themselves.

And it showed. They say that you’re your own worst critic. Beating yourself up, torturing yourself because you don’t look or even closely resemble ‘that perfect girl’ is going to show in your countenance over the years. I don’t know how many times it’s been said to me—every women I come across has said this to me—“no one is going to love you if you don’t start with loving yourself.”

Like my sash? 

            When you whisper those things in the mirror, or when you hear those things in your mind, think to yourself, honestly, would you say that to another girl who resembled you? Would you say that to a younger version of you? I don’t think I’d have the guts to look at twelve-year-old Niagra, in all her flushed-face, frizzy-haired, pink polka-dot converse-shoed glory and say, “You’re ugly, you’re fat, and no one will ever want you.” Young women/women expect to be treated kindly and gently, to be forgiven of our second helpings, or the fact that our legs are not as long as the super model on the bill board you pass everyday to work. How can we expect anybody to treat us kindly, with love and adoration, if we can’t show these emotions for ourselves? How can we expect anyone to love us if we’re chastising ourselves for eating too much sweets on a cheat day? It’s a double standard. It’s wrong. And just plain, unfair!

            Through my research (using the term ‘research’ loosely, it was mostly just surfing through videos on Youtube), I have come to the conclusion that the laws of attraction are not the same for everybody, and almost always never using physical attraction as the center rule. I thought about the things that made me attractive and/or attracted to other people. I liked listeners, people with a talent for not saying much but always being attentive. I liked people who liked books. 

And I liked people who weren’t afraid to show who they were to other people. 

Things that people have said they liked about me: they liked my voice, although for a long time I hated it. They liked my rough hair and the beads in it. This one girl said my hair seemed to make a bold statement. They liked my many expressions, and how I couldn’t make a poker face, because my cheeks were so big and always gave it away. Things that I overlooked or despised, people liked, some even adored, and these combinations of silly things made me stand out from the seven billion people in the world. 

And in time, I learned to love these character traits I attained too. 

          We've got this long mirror hanging over our closet that's directed towards my bed, so every time I wake up--boom!--right in my face is my....face. I asked my sister if we could take it down because I don't really like looking at myself ever morning and night. Anyways, so I was typing (when am I not?), and I leaned over to grab a sheet with some notes, and I caught myself in the mirror. 

I'm in my pajamas. It's 5:56 in the morning. I haven't even brushed my teeth or wash my face yet; but as I ran my hands a couple times through my hair and touched my face, I realized something. I may not be 'the prettiest flower in the garden' or the 'the brightest crayon in the box' and I may be 'two sandwich short of a picnic' (you like my phrases), but all in all.... I wouldn't change a single thing about me. 

            Not. A single. Thing. 

            

BELIEVE in your Infinite Worth

Step 1: B

Believe in your INFINITE Worth.

We are conditioned, by the world we grew up in, to believe that our worth- or our value- 

is something that must be defined in finite terms.

I am of value, because I am beautiful.

I am of value, because I am thin.

I am of value, because I am intelligent.

I am of value, because I have an education.

I am of value, because I play the piano well.

I am of value, because I am fashionable.

Etc, Etc, Etc

The danger in defining worth in these finite ways is that whenever something happens to challenge our thinking, our faith in our own value crumbles.

When I started college, I defined myself very clearly.  I was beautiful, I was intelligent, and I was talented.  I felt very confident in myself and in my abilities and had a very healthy self esteem.  I knew that I could do anything.  

However, it didn't take me very long, to realize I was surrounded by other women who were gorgeous, talented, and intelligent. 

 I suddenly felt very small, and insignificant, and began to challenge the picture I had painted for myself of who I was. Then the rosy future I had planned began to falter.  I got very sick and couldn't sing- which was a HUGE part of my self defined identity, and my MAJOR.  My 2 1/2 year relationship with my boyfriend ended (it was mutual, but it was still a huge readjustment for me mentally).  I fell head over heels for another boy who didn't love me back, and then to top it off I overheard myself being described as an airhead by a close friend.  

Can you imagine how I felt?  

Everything I had used to define myself had been challenged.

 

One night in particular, I felt...so alone...so completely alone.  Most of my friends and pretty much the entire campus was at a fancy dance that I had VERY much wanted to attend, and had not been invited to. I had been very sick recently, and had been told by a doctor that it was "all in my head" and that I needed to wake up and realize that I wasn't the perfect person I thought I was, and to admit to myself that I had sins I hadn't repented of, or I wouldn't be feeling this way." (I ended up having an undiagnosed heart condition that was surgically repaired a few years later...take THAT shady doctor!)  

Anyway I was lying on our picnic table in our front yard staring up at the stars, and feeling so very alone, when I began to sing "Somewhere Out There" softly to myself.  Far away I had a tiny little 7 year old sister, and we would sing that song to each other over the phone when she missed me.  (Shannon) 

 I realized, as I sang the words that there was someone out there who loved me no matter what,
 not just my little sister,

but God, my Loving Father in Heaven.

 

I felt suddenly encompassed by a warm blanket, even though the night was chilly, and felt my Fathers love for me, and my infinite worth to him, in that moment.  INFINITE.  

Never ending, and without limits.

 My life didn't suddenly get easier.  I didn't meet my prince charming the next day, and my health didn't get better for years to come.  But in that moment I realized that my value, and my worth, had nothing to do with the ways I had defined myself.  I began to work a little harder on appreciating my relationship with my father in heaven.  When things got worse, he was there beside me.

Ladies, WE put the limits on our value.  We are the ones who believe we are only of worth "if we are __________".  

Our Father in Heaven loves us no matter what.

 He loves us in our weak moments, as much as he loves us when we are

doing something Amazing.

You are a princess, a Daughter of a King.  And when YOU know and BELIEVE in this infinite worth, everything else becomes a little less important.  You are freed from the restraints you have put upon your own value, and you can become whatever, whomever you want to become.  

I challenge you this week, to find faith in yourself and your relationship with God.  Get down on your knees, even if you think you have forgotten how, and simply talk.  Ask your father in heaven for a little more confidence in your own value.  I promise you, if you ask- in faith, you will find the answers you are looking for.

I want to share a video that shows one Young Woman's Journey through self discovery.  Lindsay Stirling is a favorite in our house, and after watching this, we love her a little more- if that's even possible.

-Aleesha Bake

See Aleesha's original post at: Break Through: The plan

Break Through

My wonderful sister Aleesha, who has always been an inspiration to me, has brilliant thoughts that I want people to learn about.  Over the next couple of weeks as I work to learn more about the women around me, and what to focus my own posts on, Aleesha will be writing several posts centered on the idea of Breaking Through, and I will be featuring them gratefully on here.  I Invite you to read her words of wisdom and courage and see another woman working to break through the grey.  I would also like to remind anyone reading to feel free to send me what grey you are going through so that I can better understand the women I write for.  It doesn't matter how old you are- it matters.  This is the first of Aleesha's posts, please enjoy. 

 We, as women, come from all different aspects of life.  

Some of us are married, some of us are single,

 some of us have happy homes with loving husbands 

and some of us are struggling valiantly to raise a family alone. 

 Wherever, and whomever, you are - we each fight the same battle daily; a battle to overcome the doubts that rise within us. Its a battle to feel good about ourselves and who we are.

  We are battling to withstand the onslaught of the world, its views about womanhood, and our value as individuals.  

In the past few months I have read page after page of blog posts addressing this grey-ness that overcomes us all.  "Believe in yourself" they say.  "You are Enough" is the battle-cry".  I'll admit it's heartwarming to read through the never-ending feel good articles of women patting each other on the back.  "I feel this way too," I will think, as I read yet another article about a woman who struggles to feel important.

But sometimes, I wonder..."Is there more to this story"?  

WHY do we feel this doubt and what can we do to really fight against it, instead of just reading articles telling us that we are good enough.  I mean, don't misunderstand me, I enjoy posts encouraging women to believe they are beautiful, but if we don't believe it ourselves, what good did the message from a stranger do?  I know personally, it might make me smile for about 10 seconds, till I walk back into the reality of my chaotic world.

I wonder, how can we effectively wage this war against "The Grey".  How can we convince ourselves and the women in our lives to not just tell themselves that they are good enough, but really believe it?  Ladies we need a PLAN!  And not just some "lose 10 lbs in 10 days or your money back" kind of gimmick, but we need something that will really make a difference in our everyday life. 

I'm not going to pretend to have all the answers, and I am not a professional.  But I have always seemed to have sharpie on my forehead saying "Tell me
your problems", and have been on many a living room sofa with a friend pouring out her heart.   I have seen women struggle and cry and I have been there myself.  I have felt the moments (or centuries) of despair and loneliness.  From these years of encouraging others and learning myself I have formulated a plan.  Its a plan to literally BREAK through the grey.  To fight our way out of feeling like we are somehow less, for whatever reasons we have assigned to ourselves.  And it means work.  

I'm going to outline the plan below, and then each week we will focus on one aspect of the plan.  We can do it ladies, we can move forward into the light, believe in ourselves, and spread that light to the world around us.  But first, we have to break through.

B- Believe in your infinite worth

R- Reject the worlds messages

E- Edify and Educate yourself

A- Accept your weaknesses

K- Know your Strengths

T- Take care of your body

H- Have Daily Prayer

R- Reach outward

O- Obey the commandments

U- Use the scriptures as a tool

G- Give Generously

H- Hear the whisperings of the Spirit

If you can make it past Wednesday

Wednesday.  It is the day in the very middle of the week.  It’s the “hump day” the “peak day” and when I was little, I thought it was my favorite day of the week. Wow. 

 Now Wednesday has become much less of a favorite day and more of a day to survive.  It’s common to get the midweek blues.  We all get them, whether you’re working and counting down to the weekend, or if you’re a Parent and praying for the Friday night date night to get here, or if you’re a student and it brings the blessed time to catch up on homework, or you somewhat non-existent social life.  

No matter who you are- I guarantee at some point in this life, 

you too my friend will face the midweek blues.

Today I have good news though.  The mere fact that you have made it to Wednesday says something about who you are.  You have courage.  

You pushed past Monday, clearly the most infamous and even hated day of the week.

You also made it past Tuesday, which can be compared to the dreaded  rising of a roller coaster.  Think of one of those old wooden ones with the clicking track as it pulls you up the passage. 

Click. Click. Click. (I know. You’re cringing already)

  So now you hit Wednesday, and it’s supposed to be the downward hill…or so you think.  But it’s actually just the peak of the roller coaster, as it curves around and you head very slowly toward the descent.  Imagine that flat, boring, and all-but dragging part.  

And that is Wednesday my friends, but the good news is that you've made the ascent.  That is a huge accomplishment. That takes strength, and faith.  So now you just have to hold on and make it past Wednesday.

Wednesdays are not just part of roller coasters, or simply part of your week- 

they are a huge part of life.  

A part of life you unfortunately cannot get around.  

Right now my Wednesday is a number of things.  One of them is that it actually is Wednesday, my house is messy, and I’m exhausted.  Another example would be work right now-  I love my job, but it’s been extra stressful lately with getting sick (I had a cold for 3 weeks.  It was great. Not.) and just feeling behind.  Our cat (her name is Ainsley) spilled water across the table, which then seeped into our computer, and $1500 later, we have a chunk out of savings a new computer.  That setback is kind of a Wednesday too.  Do you see my pattern with this? 

Wednesdays in life are short times that seem to drag on forever.  They contribute to the grey times in life, and can even be defined AS the grey times in life.  So here’s my theory: 

If you can make it past Wednesday,

 you can make it past anything. 

I know that feeling, when you’re in the middle of a trial or a struggle, and you find yourself thinking- will I ever be past this?  It is so hard to see the end from the middle, and we have all found that to be true.  

It’s a sentiment I have heard echoed time and time again in my own thoughts, and in the frustrations, the conversations, and the desperation of others.  Working at Crisis Line, we hear so many callers looking for a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  But what they seem to forget is that it is temporary…Wednesday is temporary. 

     It always has been, and always will be.

 

Wednesday will pass, and once you've made it to Thursday- it becomes that downhill slope, hopefully easier and not so high stress.  The downward roller coaster is the thrill we wait for, and the ride we enjoy.  And it will come.  But until it does, you just have to make it past Wednesday. 

 Sure it might seem impossible, but that’s what this blog is about-Breaking through the grey, even if it’s “just a Wednesday.”  I've included a list of some daily things that help pick me up. Find your own ways, and what actually works for you- whether it’s a real Wednesday or it’s a proverbial one, you deserve to get past it.  It’s those short period of grey that contribute to longer ones, so we've got to fight them off. 

If you can make it past the little things, the shorter periods of stress, you can make it through anything.

  If you can make it past Wednesday,

 you can make it past anything.

• Say a prayer
• List off all the best moments of your day on a sticky note.  Try and fit them all in ;)
• Drink some water
• Rub your temples
• Take a long,warm shower
• Breathe deeply for about two minutes and ignore EVERYTHING
• Think positive thoughts
• List off AT LEAST 5 things you love about yourself
• Stretch
• Smile. It actually can help. 

And watch this.  It makes a difference. Every single Wednesday I come to. 

Invisible Bridges

.

I took this picture.  It was last January as my father and I drove back to Utah, across country.  I knew some pretty incredible changes were coming my way.  I had no idea the depth and the magnitude of these changes.  Life changes. 

But I love this picture.  Can I tell you why? It may be blurry, and it may not be of anything more than a bridge, but to me- it represents change. 

why?

Well...life is always moving forward, and we constantly have bridges we have to cross. 

 We have bridges we build, 

bridges we cross, 

bridges we even have to burn. 

That's part of life.  Because when you're walking a road this long- eventually you will HAVE to cross a bridge.  

I love this picture because though taken a year ago...that is where I am now.  

On the other side of a bridge. 

As of today: 
I am no longer a student at BYU. 
 I lost my job due to withdrawing. 
 I spent three days trying to actually catch up on sleep, 
and get some projects worked on. (This is code for watching chickflicks.) 
I interviewed for three jobs.
  I took one of them. 
 I am a new receptionist for PeakENT in Provo, an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor,
 and life is still wonderful. 

Sure, you might think...woah now Shan, that's a lot of changes for one girl in two weeks.  Well that my friends is true, and that is why I'm telling you I have not had any spare moments to even write in my journal, let alone a blog post.  My sincerest apologies. Really. 

But what I want to tell you today, isn't really about the results honestly...those posts will come later.  What I want to tell you about is this: The change. 

Life IS change.  Whether we like it or not, it constantly moves forward.  

We can either go with it, or be left behind to gaze as it moves on around us.  
Our purpose here is to grow, to learn, to be inspired, to feel, to think, and to change.  

If we stand in the shadows, watching the leaves change around us, waiting for the sunshine to come, or waiting for the rain to stop- we are waiting in vain- for life will not stop continually progressing forward.  That's WHY the leaves change, that is why the rain comes, and that is why we are blessed to finally see that beautiful sunshine spread across the world.  Will you stand in the shadows, or will you step out, and see what life has to offer?

I'll tell you what it has to offer.  Bridges.  As I said: some you build, some you cross, and some you even burn, but there is one kind of bridge that makes all the difference...the invisible one.  

Sure. A clip from an all-time favorite.  But what is the message here?  It's the invisible bridge.  This is a principle I have seen time and time again in my life.  I've shared this concept with others, and obviously it's not really my original idea, but it has become powerful and meaningful to me, and since it is something each person must cross, I've taken to sharing it...so why not here too?

Faith.  Faith is vital to my life, my soul, and my heart.  Faith in things to come, faith in myself, and faith that I am not the one in charge of this path called life.  

But it is faith that we must arm ourselves with when we come to this bridge.  

So what is it, I'm sure you are asking.
?

 The invisible bridge is the essence of the all moments when one must press forward without a sure footing.  It is that initial step into the void, 

into the dark abyss of the unknown.

When you're standing there, it is an absolutely terrifying moment.  What if there is no bridge?  What if you fall?  Ah...but what if there is no bridge...and what if you fly?

We will never know what the future holds for us, unless we have the courage to leave the shadows of what we already know, and step in the light of what could be. 

The choice is ours alone. 

I have come to many invisible bridges in my life, and I have always felt the guiding hand of a loving Father in Heaven who steadies me, and who will not let me fall. 

 If I step out, it matters not whether the bridge is there, whether it is made of stone, or wood, or even smoke- what matters is that I chose to continue on. 

 If there is no bridge, then He will either catch me, or mend the broken pieces from the rocks below. If there is a bridge, then He will guide me across it...but still it is I, that must have the faith to simply step. 

There is sunshine down the road.  

There is solace in these steps, that take you away from the shadows of a life half-lived.

There is hope...one must only have the courage to cross the invisible bridge, to continue on...to live. 

Do not wait to cross the bridge.  There is Someone waiting to guide you, and there is life on the other side.  Be not afraid of the journey to come, only dwelling to long on the side you already know.  

You know what is on this side...so cross.  

...I did

The Beginning

     Today marks the very first day of my brand new blog. Anyone reading this probably knows that I tried to blog before...and failed miserably. I've asked myself 100 times, why did I fail at blogging? Well, let me spell it out for you:

• Inconsistency- I only wrote when I had time, I never made time.
• Spontaneous Posting- I didn't have as much understanding of my target audience, and so I pretty much rambled and talked about whatever I liked.
• NO target audience- yes I said, "teenage girls," but that's a beyond broad topic, and we all know it
• Not enough passion- I was blogging for other people in my mind, not as much for myself

     Basically...this list could continue on and on. But here is the message: ALL OF THAT IS CHANGING. For those of you just picking up on this blog- I just got married this summer, and life is changing drastically. Not only do I have the time now to keep up with a blog, but I have the passion for myself. I realized I cannot write simply for others to read it, and sure my heart and soul were in those posts- but I have to write, and have the drive to write for myself primarily, and not just because I feel a need or duty. 

     YOU- my wonderful readers, though you may be few, are invited to read along the course of my journey. In addition to this, I now know who I am focusing on. Everyone. 

Specifically the ladies of all ages in the world, but anyone who wants to read my messages can. I'm focusing on people, ordinary lovers of life, who struggle every now and then, who have to pay the bills, who try and

 make ends meet with a smile on their face. 

I'm talking about Breaking Through The Grey

What (I'm sure you're asking) does that even mean? Why is it the title of this blog? Why am I passionate about it? 

I am convinced that in the day-to-day life, every single person faces grey moments. 

World English Dictionary

grey or gray  (ɡreɪ)
— adj
1.	of a neutral tone, intermediate between black and white, that has no hue and reflects and transmitsonly a little light
2.	greyish in colour or having parts or marks that are greyish
3.	dismal or dark, esp from lack of light; gloomy
4.	neutral or dull, esp in character or opinion Grey. I chose G-R-E-Y because gray is commonly associated with growing old, while grey can refer to the monotony of life.

So what even are these moments? I am certain that every person reading this knows EXACTLY what I am referring to. You have had them. Chances are- you're probably digging through your memory and thinking of your grey days. I certainly have them. The fascinating thing is- they are different for EVERY person. Some of you may be going through depression, some of you may have a past you don't quite know how to let go of, or deal with, some of you may have a future you are terrified of, or a bill that will not let you rest, a job that makes you stressed and unhappy. 

Grey moments are the day I woke up and felt completely alone after essentially best-friend breaking up with my now Husband. The day I realized I would never be an actress on Broadway  Just the other day when I had no motivation to go to work, to go to class, or really do anything but sleep. 

Grey is the unhappiness of life, the unfair moments, or the simple day-to-day where you feel like you aren't cutting it. Grey are the times when you don't quite seem to know the girl in the mirror anymore, or even her purpose.

I propose that "grey" days, or moments, are essential to life. They are the reminders that we are human, that sometimes we don't feel like we have the strength the keep going. 

But if we never had those moments, how would we know when to slow down, or how to appreciate the

happiest moments. 

And while they are essential...I also know how vitally important it is to move past them, to keep going in life, to get yourself out from under the endless cycle of dissatisfaction with life- to Break Through the Grey. 

I challenge you, and myself as I begin this blog to find the moments in life that are grey, and to first, recognize them for what they are and what they teach you, and then to break through them. 

This blog consists of my thoughts, my ideals, my ways of breaking through the grey. My music, and pictures, my perspective on life. I write about things that make me happy, realizations that life is the best gift and blessing I could have ever been given. I am writing about my 20 & married life, and the things that make a difference on my grey days. 

Most of all, I write because I struggle too, and this is how I break through the grey. 

You know- maybe not every post will hit home with you, but maybe one will. So stick around- add your email to the list, and let me try and help you break through. 

THE DAY is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.
My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.
Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

                                                                                                              -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My message today is that you can break through it. I challenge you to start thinking of HOW, and tell me. Make comments, send me a message. I'll feature them on my next post.

Life is worth living, and thriving, not just surviving. Break through the Grey. Happy Monday, and welcome to the beginning of something new.