The Beginning

     Today marks the very first day of my brand new blog. Anyone reading this probably knows that I tried to blog before...and failed miserably. I've asked myself 100 times, why did I fail at blogging? Well, let me spell it out for you:

• Inconsistency- I only wrote when I had time, I never made time.
• Spontaneous Posting- I didn't have as much understanding of my target audience, and so I pretty much rambled and talked about whatever I liked.
• NO target audience- yes I said, "teenage girls," but that's a beyond broad topic, and we all know it
• Not enough passion- I was blogging for other people in my mind, not as much for myself

     Basically...this list could continue on and on. But here is the message: ALL OF THAT IS CHANGING. For those of you just picking up on this blog- I just got married this summer, and life is changing drastically. Not only do I have the time now to keep up with a blog, but I have the passion for myself. I realized I cannot write simply for others to read it, and sure my heart and soul were in those posts- but I have to write, and have the drive to write for myself primarily, and not just because I feel a need or duty. 

     YOU- my wonderful readers, though you may be few, are invited to read along the course of my journey. In addition to this, I now know who I am focusing on. Everyone. 

Specifically the ladies of all ages in the world, but anyone who wants to read my messages can. I'm focusing on people, ordinary lovers of life, who struggle every now and then, who have to pay the bills, who try and

 make ends meet with a smile on their face. 

I'm talking about Breaking Through The Grey

What (I'm sure you're asking) does that even mean? Why is it the title of this blog? Why am I passionate about it? 

I am convinced that in the day-to-day life, every single person faces grey moments. 

World English Dictionary

grey or gray  (ɡreɪ)
— adj
1.	of a neutral tone, intermediate between black and white, that has no hue and reflects and transmitsonly a little light
2.	greyish in colour or having parts or marks that are greyish
3.	dismal or dark, esp from lack of light; gloomy
4.	neutral or dull, esp in character or opinion Grey. I chose G-R-E-Y because gray is commonly associated with growing old, while grey can refer to the monotony of life.

So what even are these moments? I am certain that every person reading this knows EXACTLY what I am referring to. You have had them. Chances are- you're probably digging through your memory and thinking of your grey days. I certainly have them. The fascinating thing is- they are different for EVERY person. Some of you may be going through depression, some of you may have a past you don't quite know how to let go of, or deal with, some of you may have a future you are terrified of, or a bill that will not let you rest, a job that makes you stressed and unhappy. 

Grey moments are the day I woke up and felt completely alone after essentially best-friend breaking up with my now Husband. The day I realized I would never be an actress on Broadway  Just the other day when I had no motivation to go to work, to go to class, or really do anything but sleep. 

Grey is the unhappiness of life, the unfair moments, or the simple day-to-day where you feel like you aren't cutting it. Grey are the times when you don't quite seem to know the girl in the mirror anymore, or even her purpose.

I propose that "grey" days, or moments, are essential to life. They are the reminders that we are human, that sometimes we don't feel like we have the strength the keep going. 

But if we never had those moments, how would we know when to slow down, or how to appreciate the

happiest moments. 

And while they are essential...I also know how vitally important it is to move past them, to keep going in life, to get yourself out from under the endless cycle of dissatisfaction with life- to Break Through the Grey. 

I challenge you, and myself as I begin this blog to find the moments in life that are grey, and to first, recognize them for what they are and what they teach you, and then to break through them. 

This blog consists of my thoughts, my ideals, my ways of breaking through the grey. My music, and pictures, my perspective on life. I write about things that make me happy, realizations that life is the best gift and blessing I could have ever been given. I am writing about my 20 & married life, and the things that make a difference on my grey days. 

Most of all, I write because I struggle too, and this is how I break through the grey. 

You know- maybe not every post will hit home with you, but maybe one will. So stick around- add your email to the list, and let me try and help you break through. 

THE DAY is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.
My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.
Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

                                                                                                              -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My message today is that you can break through it. I challenge you to start thinking of HOW, and tell me. Make comments, send me a message. I'll feature them on my next post.

Life is worth living, and thriving, not just surviving. Break through the Grey. Happy Monday, and welcome to the beginning of something new. 

They Matter

     Hello everyone! I've just spent the last hour in the lovely library, typing away at my psychology paper (just kidding, I spent half an hour on Facebook and checking email ;)), and I would like to share an excerpt with you.  The paper is dedicated to detailing my career plan.  It's for my Psychology 101 (psych careers and what to do with them) class, and I feel very passionate about what I put, and I felt everyone deserved to understand my purpose!

Transitioning

      I can still remember putting on “concerts” as a little girl, for my family. My voice rang out loudly for Castle on a Cloud from Les Miserables, and How Lonely from The Seventh Brother. It seems like yesterday I looked myself in my play mirror, dressing up in my prettiest dress, and preparing to sing for my family and my beloved, and devoted stuffed animals.

     It's still my dream today to sing...but maybe not only in front of my teddy bears. My career choice is unlike anyone else's I have ever met. For me it's scary and makes me vulnerable, but I know in my heart it will be worth it. I am working on becoming a motivational singer and speaker for young girls. The reason I am studying psychology and working to earn a degree in the field is so that I can have the invaluable foundation that will come with studying the individual. I am minoring in sociology as well, to give me the group perspective, compared to the individual. I recognize the challenges that come with this decision, and have chosen to charge forward!

      For an individual headed into my field of choice, there are numerous uncertainties. That is what makes it such a risk, yet so exciting and unique at the same time. My day to day responsibilities will vary depending on where I am in my career path. Hopefully, they will eventually include songwriting, contacting speaking organizations, networking, recording, working with non-profit foundations, speaking, and working one-on-one with young girls who struggle. In a field like this though, there are many problems to tackle and try to help. I want to focus on self-esteem issues in the younger generations, suicide prevention, and helping to create positive music that uplifts and helps people touching their hearts and their souls for good.

      I have so many reasons that pull me in this direction, but the most important are my love for music and my passion for people. People never cease to amaze me; every single person you meet has an individual and an incredible story to their life. No matter what they look like to the rest of the world, they still face someone in the mirror every night who is struggling in some way, and maybe just hiding it from everyone. I am driven to know their stories, and to help them, through song and through the spoken word. I could not picture a better way to spend my life, or to use my talents I've been blessed with. Each person, and every story I come to know- change me, and help me in my endeavors to bring peace to the lives of others. Though I'll probably spend several years without a dime to my name, as the starting salary is nothing...it will be worth it to help even one individual, and know that I made a tiny difference.

      The truth is, it terrifies me to put myself out there, and know that I will be rejected by some, loved by others, and maybe never make a difference. However, the peace that comes in knowing I was given my talents and my gifts for a reason, is immeasurable. I know I can help others, and I know I have a reason to do so. So while I can still remember singing in front of my lined up baby dolls and beanie babies, with my parents on either side, I look to a future of singing, and speaking for those who have lost their way, or simply need to know that someone understands, and is willing to take the time To Tell Them They Matter.

The girl I used to Be

     From May 2012-

 Two nights ago, I was writing in my journal.  The past few days have been pretty rough, after not getting the job I really wanted, and after not getting the boy I've currently got my heart set on.  So naturally, I was venting all of my frustrations into my trusting journal, not to mention the $100 to fix my computer.  Needless to say, I had quite a bit to vent.  Then I stopped writing about the irritations of the day, and simply reflected on something interesting that had occurred in my life.

On my way out to college- August 2011

       On Sunday, I ran into a past boy-friend, and he was exactly the same.  I got to really thinking about that moment when I saw him, and how I was able to smile and say hi, no hint of hesitation or pain in my whole being, and how he couldn't.  I realized, in that journal-writing time...I really have changed.  I'm not who I used to be, and I am entirely happy with who I am now.  

      Life is a continual progression forward.  We're always so worried about not changing too much, or holding onto past things that were perfect, but I am asking you...why? 

 We cannot move forward if we never allow ourselves to let go of the past.

 That's like tying yourself to a huge rock and then walking forward like you actually might go somewhere...that's not how it works.  

      We are supposed to change, we are supposed to progress.  And this realization hit me with so much emotion, that lo and behold a new song was born.  No- I am not who I used to be, and that is fine with me. I like the girl I see when I wake up in the morning.  I love her inside and out- no matter how much I wish was better, or what love-handles I wish didn't exist at all.  I still love that girl I see, and I am happy with the changes that have taken place in life.  

Remember the days,

 when the world was still new?

I thought magic and kings, fairies with wings,

weren't stories, but true.

Late under my sheets, 

I turned pages and pages,

convincing myself- they were real.

Years have gone by,

 the mysteries have faded 

that I used to see...

I'm not who I used to be.

(Music break)

When I was seventeen,

I believed I could change anything,

about a boy from a different land

who happened to take my hand.

But one day I realized 

It was me who was changing...

not him or his lies.

(Chorus)

I've come to know the one in the mirror,

I've seen the hopes of a fairytale dreamer,

coming to life, 

after pain, after strife

and Im finally starting to see...

I'm not who I used to be.

The chains of the past,

hold to me fast,

but I'm breaking free from their misery

I'm not the girl I used to be.

So I wait for the day, 

my prince walks my way,

straight from my dreams

into reality

and to who I'm becoming.

(Chorus)

I've come to know the one in the mirror,

I've seen the hopes of a fairytale dreamer,

coming to life, 

after pain, after strife

and Im finally starting to see...

I'm not who I used to be.

After freshman year- May 2012

Now you may not see much of a difference between these two pictures, but to me- one girl is lost, and looking for herself, and this girl...she knows who she is now.