Break Through

My wonderful sister Aleesha, who has always been an inspiration to me, has brilliant thoughts that I want people to learn about.  Over the next couple of weeks as I work to learn more about the women around me, and what to focus my own posts on, Aleesha will be writing several posts centered on the idea of Breaking Through, and I will be featuring them gratefully on here.  I Invite you to read her words of wisdom and courage and see another woman working to break through the grey.  I would also like to remind anyone reading to feel free to send me what grey you are going through so that I can better understand the women I write for.  It doesn't matter how old you are- it matters.  This is the first of Aleesha's posts, please enjoy. 

 We, as women, come from all different aspects of life.  

Some of us are married, some of us are single,

 some of us have happy homes with loving husbands 

and some of us are struggling valiantly to raise a family alone. 

 Wherever, and whomever, you are - we each fight the same battle daily; a battle to overcome the doubts that rise within us. Its a battle to feel good about ourselves and who we are.

  We are battling to withstand the onslaught of the world, its views about womanhood, and our value as individuals.  

In the past few months I have read page after page of blog posts addressing this grey-ness that overcomes us all.  "Believe in yourself" they say.  "You are Enough" is the battle-cry".  I'll admit it's heartwarming to read through the never-ending feel good articles of women patting each other on the back.  "I feel this way too," I will think, as I read yet another article about a woman who struggles to feel important.

But sometimes, I wonder..."Is there more to this story"?  

WHY do we feel this doubt and what can we do to really fight against it, instead of just reading articles telling us that we are good enough.  I mean, don't misunderstand me, I enjoy posts encouraging women to believe they are beautiful, but if we don't believe it ourselves, what good did the message from a stranger do?  I know personally, it might make me smile for about 10 seconds, till I walk back into the reality of my chaotic world.

I wonder, how can we effectively wage this war against "The Grey".  How can we convince ourselves and the women in our lives to not just tell themselves that they are good enough, but really believe it?  Ladies we need a PLAN!  And not just some "lose 10 lbs in 10 days or your money back" kind of gimmick, but we need something that will really make a difference in our everyday life. 

I'm not going to pretend to have all the answers, and I am not a professional.  But I have always seemed to have sharpie on my forehead saying "Tell me
your problems", and have been on many a living room sofa with a friend pouring out her heart.   I have seen women struggle and cry and I have been there myself.  I have felt the moments (or centuries) of despair and loneliness.  From these years of encouraging others and learning myself I have formulated a plan.  Its a plan to literally BREAK through the grey.  To fight our way out of feeling like we are somehow less, for whatever reasons we have assigned to ourselves.  And it means work.  

I'm going to outline the plan below, and then each week we will focus on one aspect of the plan.  We can do it ladies, we can move forward into the light, believe in ourselves, and spread that light to the world around us.  But first, we have to break through.

B- Believe in your infinite worth

R- Reject the worlds messages

E- Edify and Educate yourself

A- Accept your weaknesses

K- Know your Strengths

T- Take care of your body

H- Have Daily Prayer

R- Reach outward

O- Obey the commandments

U- Use the scriptures as a tool

G- Give Generously

H- Hear the whisperings of the Spirit

The Beginning

     Today marks the very first day of my brand new blog. Anyone reading this probably knows that I tried to blog before...and failed miserably. I've asked myself 100 times, why did I fail at blogging? Well, let me spell it out for you:

• Inconsistency- I only wrote when I had time, I never made time.
• Spontaneous Posting- I didn't have as much understanding of my target audience, and so I pretty much rambled and talked about whatever I liked.
• NO target audience- yes I said, "teenage girls," but that's a beyond broad topic, and we all know it
• Not enough passion- I was blogging for other people in my mind, not as much for myself

     Basically...this list could continue on and on. But here is the message: ALL OF THAT IS CHANGING. For those of you just picking up on this blog- I just got married this summer, and life is changing drastically. Not only do I have the time now to keep up with a blog, but I have the passion for myself. I realized I cannot write simply for others to read it, and sure my heart and soul were in those posts- but I have to write, and have the drive to write for myself primarily, and not just because I feel a need or duty. 

     YOU- my wonderful readers, though you may be few, are invited to read along the course of my journey. In addition to this, I now know who I am focusing on. Everyone. 

Specifically the ladies of all ages in the world, but anyone who wants to read my messages can. I'm focusing on people, ordinary lovers of life, who struggle every now and then, who have to pay the bills, who try and

 make ends meet with a smile on their face. 

I'm talking about Breaking Through The Grey

What (I'm sure you're asking) does that even mean? Why is it the title of this blog? Why am I passionate about it? 

I am convinced that in the day-to-day life, every single person faces grey moments. 

World English Dictionary

grey or gray  (ɡreɪ)
— adj
1.	of a neutral tone, intermediate between black and white, that has no hue and reflects and transmitsonly a little light
2.	greyish in colour or having parts or marks that are greyish
3.	dismal or dark, esp from lack of light; gloomy
4.	neutral or dull, esp in character or opinion Grey. I chose G-R-E-Y because gray is commonly associated with growing old, while grey can refer to the monotony of life.

So what even are these moments? I am certain that every person reading this knows EXACTLY what I am referring to. You have had them. Chances are- you're probably digging through your memory and thinking of your grey days. I certainly have them. The fascinating thing is- they are different for EVERY person. Some of you may be going through depression, some of you may have a past you don't quite know how to let go of, or deal with, some of you may have a future you are terrified of, or a bill that will not let you rest, a job that makes you stressed and unhappy. 

Grey moments are the day I woke up and felt completely alone after essentially best-friend breaking up with my now Husband. The day I realized I would never be an actress on Broadway  Just the other day when I had no motivation to go to work, to go to class, or really do anything but sleep. 

Grey is the unhappiness of life, the unfair moments, or the simple day-to-day where you feel like you aren't cutting it. Grey are the times when you don't quite seem to know the girl in the mirror anymore, or even her purpose.

I propose that "grey" days, or moments, are essential to life. They are the reminders that we are human, that sometimes we don't feel like we have the strength the keep going. 

But if we never had those moments, how would we know when to slow down, or how to appreciate the

happiest moments. 

And while they are essential...I also know how vitally important it is to move past them, to keep going in life, to get yourself out from under the endless cycle of dissatisfaction with life- to Break Through the Grey. 

I challenge you, and myself as I begin this blog to find the moments in life that are grey, and to first, recognize them for what they are and what they teach you, and then to break through them. 

This blog consists of my thoughts, my ideals, my ways of breaking through the grey. My music, and pictures, my perspective on life. I write about things that make me happy, realizations that life is the best gift and blessing I could have ever been given. I am writing about my 20 & married life, and the things that make a difference on my grey days. 

Most of all, I write because I struggle too, and this is how I break through the grey. 

You know- maybe not every post will hit home with you, but maybe one will. So stick around- add your email to the list, and let me try and help you break through. 

THE DAY is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.
My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.
Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

                                                                                                              -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My message today is that you can break through it. I challenge you to start thinking of HOW, and tell me. Make comments, send me a message. I'll feature them on my next post.

Life is worth living, and thriving, not just surviving. Break through the Grey. Happy Monday, and welcome to the beginning of something new. 

The girl I used to Be

     From May 2012-

 Two nights ago, I was writing in my journal.  The past few days have been pretty rough, after not getting the job I really wanted, and after not getting the boy I've currently got my heart set on.  So naturally, I was venting all of my frustrations into my trusting journal, not to mention the $100 to fix my computer.  Needless to say, I had quite a bit to vent.  Then I stopped writing about the irritations of the day, and simply reflected on something interesting that had occurred in my life.

On my way out to college- August 2011

       On Sunday, I ran into a past boy-friend, and he was exactly the same.  I got to really thinking about that moment when I saw him, and how I was able to smile and say hi, no hint of hesitation or pain in my whole being, and how he couldn't.  I realized, in that journal-writing time...I really have changed.  I'm not who I used to be, and I am entirely happy with who I am now.  

      Life is a continual progression forward.  We're always so worried about not changing too much, or holding onto past things that were perfect, but I am asking you...why? 

 We cannot move forward if we never allow ourselves to let go of the past.

 That's like tying yourself to a huge rock and then walking forward like you actually might go somewhere...that's not how it works.  

      We are supposed to change, we are supposed to progress.  And this realization hit me with so much emotion, that lo and behold a new song was born.  No- I am not who I used to be, and that is fine with me. I like the girl I see when I wake up in the morning.  I love her inside and out- no matter how much I wish was better, or what love-handles I wish didn't exist at all.  I still love that girl I see, and I am happy with the changes that have taken place in life.  

Remember the days,

 when the world was still new?

I thought magic and kings, fairies with wings,

weren't stories, but true.

Late under my sheets, 

I turned pages and pages,

convincing myself- they were real.

Years have gone by,

 the mysteries have faded 

that I used to see...

I'm not who I used to be.

(Music break)

When I was seventeen,

I believed I could change anything,

about a boy from a different land

who happened to take my hand.

But one day I realized 

It was me who was changing...

not him or his lies.

(Chorus)

I've come to know the one in the mirror,

I've seen the hopes of a fairytale dreamer,

coming to life, 

after pain, after strife

and Im finally starting to see...

I'm not who I used to be.

The chains of the past,

hold to me fast,

but I'm breaking free from their misery

I'm not the girl I used to be.

So I wait for the day, 

my prince walks my way,

straight from my dreams

into reality

and to who I'm becoming.

(Chorus)

I've come to know the one in the mirror,

I've seen the hopes of a fairytale dreamer,

coming to life, 

after pain, after strife

and Im finally starting to see...

I'm not who I used to be.

After freshman year- May 2012

Now you may not see much of a difference between these two pictures, but to me- one girl is lost, and looking for herself, and this girl...she knows who she is now. 

Barbies Vs. G.I. Joe

Barbies Verses G.I. Joe

Do you ever wonder if you are ever going to figure out that mystery they call the opposite sex?

Have you just given up on ever having a successful relationship with one of “them”?

Whether you are dealing with a good friend or a romantic interest, the key to better communication revolves around recognizing and appreciating your differences. And how to use them to your advantage!

SO Read on, Relax, and start talking on the same LEVEL!

*Disclaimer- Obviously the following is a generalization!  Every person is a unique individual, and you should spend every day of a relationship getting to really know that person on an individual basis, but this is a good place to start.

Basic Differences Between Guys and Girls

GIRLS

-Very Verbal, Talk about Everything, solve problems by talking them out. Want to know whats wrong—Listen to understand, and to empathize. Good to talk to because they make you feel like they really care about your problem

-Emotional, Don’t like to be teased as much, take everything to heart, and everything is an insult. Much more sensitive about appearance, and others perception of them

-Natural Mothers…-Gentle, kind, caring,

-“Feelers”—Both physically and emotionally.

-Need Little reassurances of affection—Love surprises, and random expressions of appreciation

-Need Respect and Romance

-Read in between the lines and TALK IN RIDDLES!!! And expect guys to understand- (they don’t!)

-Build Castles in the Sky about everything- (DREAMERS)

-Like to talk about everything that happens in a relationship- Want to go over every detail over and over

-Very "Touchy" put their hands on a guys arm, or play with his hair, etc. Its natural for girls and they may not realize how it affects a guy.

-Girls like holding hands, and to have a guys arm around their shoulders or their waist.

- Like to feel protected and safe--

-Likes SECURITY~

-Feelings change fast and often, easily become mistrustful--

-Believe that if something is good, there is always a way to make it better—Never satisfied with mediocrity. A favorite phrase is...“can we move to the next level in our relationship”- or feeling the need to “define the relationship”

-Often hold a grudge, can’t forget a fight – Bring it up over and over..

-Want Empathy from guys

-Motivated when they feel cherished.

-Need someone to talk to when they are upset

GUYS

-Better problem solvers; Think things out logically- Want explanations. Often when thinking they retreat into themselves, and don’t have any desire for conversation.

-Thinkers and Do-ers

-Not very verbal…enjoy talking, but not about everything. Enjoy downtime- and just NOT thinking for awhile (girls can NOT get this!)

-Listen to SOLVE problems, listen for the why, when and how

- Focus more on Facts instead of feelings!

-Natural Fathers…desire leadership, power, independence

–Often don’t know limits when teasing

-More easygoing, take things for what they are, don’t read into every thing

-BLUNT, pretty much tell it like it is

-Don’t know how to read between the lines (or even that they are expected to), so they often misunderstand girl’s intentions!

-Don’t understand that girls read so much into their words.

-Say whats on their mind without thinking first

-Need acceptance

-Need to feel like they are NEEDED, don’t like to feel expendable.

-Like to feel like they are pleasing others

-Guys are affected strongly by physical touch, they notice every touch you bestow- even if they aren't listening to what you say  

–Have a natural instinct for protection, often feel that they have to prove their Manhood- they don’t want to feel like a girl has to do something for them...or stand up for them

-Believe in the theory that “if it ain’t broke- then don’t fix it!” (especially in relationships)

-Forgive more easily…move on and forget past problems. Don’t usually hold grudges

-Have a hard time just listening…They think girls want solutions…try to solve their problems for them…and just cause more

-Need to be alone when they are upset

-Aleesha

In the Looking Glass

I got up the other morning and stood in front of the bathroom mirror getting ready for the day, and as usual I found myself staring at my imperfections and focusing in on them one by one- wishing I had a smaller nose, bigger eyes, tighter abs, larger chest, etc...etc. 

 I looked down to see my little girl, 3 years old standing beside me mimicking my every move.  

Pinching her face up and staring at herself in the mirror critically, she looked just like me. 

 Normally my little one will twirl and prance in front of the mirror, very clearly admiring herself, but not today, today she was copying me.  It kind of hit me in the face that this is a lot of what is wrong with our ideas about ourselves as girls today.  When we are young, we believe truly, that we are beautiful.  As we grow and watch those around us, we start to pick out what we believe are our imperfections and the more we stare at them the less we like what we see.  Shouldn't we instead, stand back and assume that youthful innocence and believe we are beautiful, for who we are? 

It is my intention to help you recognize the beauty in the looking glass, and to help you step back into that 3 year old mindset that we had before the world told us we needed to be 5'10'' and 110 lbs, with a large chest and perfect features.  Love yourself, swirl in front of the mirror and remember you are beautiful.

-Aleesha