Bow Ties and Band Aids

That's right. You saw this picture
correctly. 

It's a BOY! A small bundle of energy covered in dirt, and adventures, that has already stolen my heart. I could not be more excited, which is honestly shocking, because I thought FOR SURE that it was girl, but I was happily mistaken. 


I'm sorry dear young baby son for calling you a girl several times, I promise I only had the best intentions. :) 

But now we know for sure that he is very much all boy. We have chosen the name Russell, and we've decided to go ahead and announce this, so you don't have to call our baby Baby Park anymore, but you can call him by who he will become. (No middle name yet)

I just wanted to announce this, so it's not that long of a post, but I do want to leave you with a thought before I head off to celebrate with my amazing husband, and this little boy's father-to-be. I've had the question posed to me recently, "Why? You're 21...you should be out partying, in school, learning what you want out of life, messing around and making mistakes."

My answer back is...why?

Why would I give up the best decisions 

I've ever made in my life, both featured in these pictures, 

for something of lesser value? 

Even as a tiny girl I dreamed of the day I would become a mother, and a homemaker, just like my beautiful mother. I watched my sisters take on this role, and my heart ached with the desire to be here myself. Why on earth would I wait, or walk away, to "party" or be in school. 

 My answer is that I do actually know what I want to do with my life thank you, 

and it begins and ends with this picture. 

Everything else in my life is a just an added blessing.  

I still have all my dreams, I still want to sing, to write music, to speak, and influence others for good, to run my own charity organization, maybe even shoot for politics at some point, and probably change the world.  I still want to learn to graffiti well, and actually bake a cake on my own, travel the world, and help others see the beauty they can't find in the mirror.  

But my dreams all begin here. 

The first and most important dream of my life has always been to be a mother.  

I dreamed of a family, a life making a difference in the eyes of a tiny child. Some might say that I won't get to my dreams till later and that's "such a shame," but to those who've said these things, or even thought them...can't you see that this is my dream? Those other things will come later. 

Let's be honest...what mother in her right mind would ever listen to a young wife who's never had children on why she should love herself more? I mean...get real. 

This is part of my plan, part of my life, and ultimately my decision I made with my loving and supportive husband.

It's our choice to start our family now, and I want the world to know that we could not be happier. 

I'll be featuring a post soon on my thoughts of motherhood, and that's just a taste for you. For now, I just want everyone to know that I could not have pictured a greater blessing or a better life for myself.

My Heavenly Father knows me better than I have ever known myself, and He has prepared this beautiful path that I am so grateful every day I get the chance to walk. 

So here's to bow ties and band aids, dirt, sticks, snails, and of course puppy dog tails. :) I am going to be the mother of a little boy, and I cannot wait. 

 

Keep Going

Hello my dear readers, new readers, passersby, occasional strangers.  Here it is Wednesday afternoon, and I find myself wishing I had been posting more lately. I finally have time to finish this post I started weeks ago, since I had a surprise day off of work. I want to make a formal apology for the lack of posts.  Aleesha has been insanely busy and so her posts are on a hold for a little while, and as for me, well if you didn't already know- I'm pregnant, working a full time job, and some days it's hard to just accomplish those two.

Now I realize this is no excuse for leaving you just hanging out there, but let's be really honest right now...it IS my excuse.  Unfortunately NO amount of "I'm sorry," or excuses, or justifications makes up for lost time and lost opportunities, but I appreciate the patience of those around me.  Don't worry, I won't bore you with all the gory details, but the first trimester was just rocky, plain and simple.  Was I horrifically and tragically hospitalized and almost dying? No, definitely not (and I say thank you every day for that) but it sure wasn't roses and butterflies. 

 I want it to be perfectly clear that this does not diminish my excitement in ANY way,

 but it is my only explanation for my lack of will power and strength 

in getting things accomplished.

Please note that I am profoundly happy to become a mother.  This is the most important dream and goal in my life, and I never thought I would be allowed to have it so soon.  To answer those annoying questions I guarantee some reading this will have: yes, it was planned and desired, yes I just turned 21, no I'm not in school right now, YES I want this more than anything.  I'll be featuring a blog post very soon on my decision to become a mother so young.

That being said, I've had a lot of time to ponder while I've been sick, and unable to really function.  I have several new blog posts already started and in the works for you to look forward to, covering topics such as depression and anxiety, why a degree isn't for everyone, my faiths and beliefs, why it's my dream to be a mother at 21, how wonderful the blessing of marriage is, and plenty of other lovely things that apply to most of the women I know.  I'll probably post some funnier posts just to light up your day every once in a while too.

But my message today isn't simply an apology, it's much more than that.  Something I have learned over the past two months is that sometimes all the strength you have is to crawl out of bed when the sun comes up, and crawl back in when it goes down.

 It is okay.

Defeat does not come in our lack of accomplishing great feats, it comes when we have given up.

 Crawling in and out of bed means you have not given up.

There will be days, weeks, and unfortunately even months in life where we feel like we aren't doing enough.  My own sentiments to my dear sweet husband have echoed those of so many women and men around the world.

"I wasn't productive enough."

"I didn't get the dishes done."

"No, I haven't finished editing that batch of pictures yet."

"No I'm sorry I haven't finished my visiting teaching."

"I haven't seen that friends in ages, she probably hates me."

"I'm wasting my talents."

And my least favorite (hold your breath)...

"I'm just not good enough."

The point is- NONE of these are true. I don't care if it's the same routine every day for the next 3 months, as long as you keep trying you are still not defeated, and you are still accomplishing so much.  I know people who are fighting this same battle because of health conditions, depression, pregnancy, money issues, anxiety, loss of drive or passion, mid life crises, surgery recovery, plain exhaustion, and the list doesn't stop there.

No matter what monster you're facing, or river you're wading, keep going.  It is not the end, and it will get better with time.  Even if it takes all your strength, and all your might just to keep your head up, keep going.

You are more than your trials, and you'll be able to look back one day and see how they changed you, shaped you into the person you wanted to become.  That person you want to be now, the one that can face these trials, is already inside of you.  You just can't see that person clearly until you turn around and see how far you have already come.

Keep going, and believe in yourself and your ability to overcome. Honestly, sometimes breaking through the grey means just keeping on trying.  You might not break through every single day. But as long as you don't give up, there are more opportunities to make life better. I know without a doubt that even during the hardest of times, there is still someone rooting for me, and not just my wonderful husband, but my loving Father in Heaven.  His Son has descended below, and risen above each of my trials, and as hard as these moments seem now- I know with their help I can overcome them. Your Father in Heaven knows you and loves you perfectly.  Weaknesses and trials make us humble, stronger, and ultimately the person He and each of us WANT to become.  He will support you, you just have to Keep Going.

BELIEVE in your Infinite Worth

Step 1: B

Believe in your INFINITE Worth.

We are conditioned, by the world we grew up in, to believe that our worth- or our value- 

is something that must be defined in finite terms.

I am of value, because I am beautiful.

I am of value, because I am thin.

I am of value, because I am intelligent.

I am of value, because I have an education.

I am of value, because I play the piano well.

I am of value, because I am fashionable.

Etc, Etc, Etc

The danger in defining worth in these finite ways is that whenever something happens to challenge our thinking, our faith in our own value crumbles.

When I started college, I defined myself very clearly.  I was beautiful, I was intelligent, and I was talented.  I felt very confident in myself and in my abilities and had a very healthy self esteem.  I knew that I could do anything.  

However, it didn't take me very long, to realize I was surrounded by other women who were gorgeous, talented, and intelligent. 

 I suddenly felt very small, and insignificant, and began to challenge the picture I had painted for myself of who I was. Then the rosy future I had planned began to falter.  I got very sick and couldn't sing- which was a HUGE part of my self defined identity, and my MAJOR.  My 2 1/2 year relationship with my boyfriend ended (it was mutual, but it was still a huge readjustment for me mentally).  I fell head over heels for another boy who didn't love me back, and then to top it off I overheard myself being described as an airhead by a close friend.  

Can you imagine how I felt?  

Everything I had used to define myself had been challenged.

 

One night in particular, I felt...so alone...so completely alone.  Most of my friends and pretty much the entire campus was at a fancy dance that I had VERY much wanted to attend, and had not been invited to. I had been very sick recently, and had been told by a doctor that it was "all in my head" and that I needed to wake up and realize that I wasn't the perfect person I thought I was, and to admit to myself that I had sins I hadn't repented of, or I wouldn't be feeling this way." (I ended up having an undiagnosed heart condition that was surgically repaired a few years later...take THAT shady doctor!)  

Anyway I was lying on our picnic table in our front yard staring up at the stars, and feeling so very alone, when I began to sing "Somewhere Out There" softly to myself.  Far away I had a tiny little 7 year old sister, and we would sing that song to each other over the phone when she missed me.  (Shannon) 

 I realized, as I sang the words that there was someone out there who loved me no matter what,
 not just my little sister,

but God, my Loving Father in Heaven.

 

I felt suddenly encompassed by a warm blanket, even though the night was chilly, and felt my Fathers love for me, and my infinite worth to him, in that moment.  INFINITE.  

Never ending, and without limits.

 My life didn't suddenly get easier.  I didn't meet my prince charming the next day, and my health didn't get better for years to come.  But in that moment I realized that my value, and my worth, had nothing to do with the ways I had defined myself.  I began to work a little harder on appreciating my relationship with my father in heaven.  When things got worse, he was there beside me.

Ladies, WE put the limits on our value.  We are the ones who believe we are only of worth "if we are __________".  

Our Father in Heaven loves us no matter what.

 He loves us in our weak moments, as much as he loves us when we are

doing something Amazing.

You are a princess, a Daughter of a King.  And when YOU know and BELIEVE in this infinite worth, everything else becomes a little less important.  You are freed from the restraints you have put upon your own value, and you can become whatever, whomever you want to become.  

I challenge you this week, to find faith in yourself and your relationship with God.  Get down on your knees, even if you think you have forgotten how, and simply talk.  Ask your father in heaven for a little more confidence in your own value.  I promise you, if you ask- in faith, you will find the answers you are looking for.

I want to share a video that shows one Young Woman's Journey through self discovery.  Lindsay Stirling is a favorite in our house, and after watching this, we love her a little more- if that's even possible.

-Aleesha Bake

See Aleesha's original post at: Break Through: The plan

Not what we planned,but we're happy with it

Christmas is the one time of the year where you don't look like an idiot going out to the middle of a mountainous forest, and trying to find a christmas tree in the dark.  Or is it?

Well that's exactly what I did. 
I, my husband, and two of our dear friends did anyways...and it was an incredible blast.  We began our journey at about 5:30, and we drove down to Price, UT (with snow, about 1.5 hours away) and picked up our christmas tree permit.  (You have to have a permit to cut down a tree.  I highly suggest you get one before you get pulled over with a gigantic tree on the hood of your car ;) )

The lady at the store was so kind, and showed us on a map where to turn and drive in to find the best trees.  Let me just tell you- we were pumped. Like as pumped up as elves who've just eaten 173 candy canes a piece. Chocolate covered candy canes.

So we drove back up through Price Canyon, aka one of the deadliest roads in the country. (just fyi) and found the turn off to head into the forest. 

 I probably looked a squirrel who just found a bag 

of fresh brazil nuts already cracked and abandoned. 

 At this point, I should tell you though, that it was getting dark...and by getting dark I mean it was so pitch black in the mountains that I started to forget what the sun looks like. (I'm only sort of kidding)

Well...much to our surprise, demise, and frustration...the "forest" was a whole bunch of FAKE pine trees.  

They weren't pines at all, they were the kind of tree the looks like a pine when you're freezing and standing in the dark at -1 degrees, until you get close enough to feel it, and it's not even close to that picturesque Frasier or Douglas fir you are so accustomed to.

The disappointment became more and more poignant with every tree I looked at.  
Now you have to understand, to look at a tree, I had to:

• shuffle through the snow
• climb either up or down half of a mountain
• freeze as I stood there 
• try to decipher if it was a pine or not

  I was only wearing rubber rain boots and jeans with leggings.  Yes, I realize this was probably a bad idea. 

The point I'm getting at here, is that finding your own Christmas tree is not as easy as it is in the cartoon Christmas movies. 

Honestly, as I decorated our little bitty stick of a tree, which we finally found atop a steep hill, and filled my home with Christmas Cheer, I started to realize- this tree is quite symbolic for my life.  

It wasn't really what I had planned on finding, but I am incredibly happy with it. 

 Life isn't always what we expect..sometimes the pine tree is just a stupid fake pine, and sometimes it's actually a porcupine.  Sometimes the tree is entirely elusive and you never find it at all.  And every now and then, you find the most luscious

 evergreen you've ever laid eyes on. 

But whether you end up with a True Christmas Tree, or a little Christmas Stick, isn't the hunt worth your time?  Life does not always turn out the way we expect.  

We have all felt that sentiment to be true. 

But looking back- even if it isn't what you planned, you can still be happy with it. 

My intention with this story of the infamous Christmas Stick Hunt, is not to tell you of how we can decorate our apartment, but rather how you can look back on your life and find happiness even if it is not what you planned on.  

I certainly thought by now that I would be some musical sensation, changing lives and chasing all my dreams.  I thought I wouldn't still live in Provo. I thought I would be almost finished with school. 

Even when my dreams changed after high school, I thought by this time I surely would have life figured out, that I would have my act entirely together.  I thought I would be well on my way to motivational speaking and singing for everyone to hear.  

Then when I changed all my plans this summer, and married the man of my dreams, I thought for sure by Christmas we would have everything planned out, that we would be a year out from graduation.  I thought we would be building our family by now. 

And when I begin to dwell on all those long-past dreams, even outgrown dreams, I can begin to feel that familiar sadness of what we could also call forgotten dreams. But just as I found myself moving past the idea of the ideal Douglas fir, and falling in love with a tiny stick of a pine, with spiky needles, and very little splendor to it...we can also move past dreams we should have long since let go of.  It is okay to change your dreams.  They are yours, and they can be whatever you want.  

I've learned that life changes around you, and your dreams too must change, for the better.  

So even though we may begin with the dream of finding a massive Christmas Tree to rival that of St. Nicholas himself, we learn that we can also be happy with a tiny one we found while we were laughing with our best friends, while holding hands in the cold winter air 

with the love of our life.  

Is my life exactly as I imagined? No. It's even better.  So no- it's not what I planned on, but I am more happy with it than I could ever adequately describe. It's far from what I imagined or even planned on.  It turns out my dreams weren't really big enough for all the things I have already given my heart to, and all the things i have yet to become. 

Look around you, look at the life you have, the things you HAVE accomplished. 

 If you're a mother, look at the tiny hands and big eyes that look up to you.

If you're a student, take a look at everything you have learned,

 in the classroom and out of it. 

 If you're an adventurer at heart, gaze at all the places your mind and heart have been, and overcome, even if you've never left your hometown.

No matter what title you might give yourself, give yourself credit, and remember that you have already done great things- even if you don't see it right now. 

  Is anyone's life exactly as they planned it out?  No. But for those who recognize what they have, who see the beauty in simple moments of laughter and meaningful expressions of love, in the peace of a quiet evening spent in reflection on an eternal plan...you can be happy with it.  

Chances are...you'll be happier than 
you thought you could be.
  

Break through the grey...look at life and see that even though it may not be what you planned on...it is still beautiful, and it is happy.  

And then let it become even happier. 

Happy Christmas Tree Hunting. 

For Mothers of Every Age

We are all grateful for the women that we call Mother, but I am not sure that we spend enough time being Thankful to BE MOTHERS. 

I want to point out first of all that motherhood is our divine calling, and it is something extended to all women- THAT includes those who have not yet had the opportunity to bear or raise their OWN children.

Sheri Dew, who was a member of the General Relief Society Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, has never had the opportunity to marry and bear children, and she has expressed her thoughts on this subject much more beautifully than I ever could so I am going to tell it to you.

"While we tend to equate motherhood solely with maternity, in the Lord’s language, the word mother has layers of meaning. Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve “the mother of all living” and they did so before she ever bore a child. Like Eve, our motherhood began before we were born. Just as worthy men were foreordained to hold the priesthood in mortality, righteous women were endowed premortally with the privilege of motherhood. Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.

Elder John A. Widtsoe was explicit: “Women who through no fault of their own cannot exercise the gift of motherhood directly, may do so vicariously.”

Few of us will reach our potential without the nurturing of both the mother who bore us and the mothers who bear with us." (Sheri Dew)

As women we are full of opportunities to mother others,

 let me give you an example from my own life.

Linda Lawrence, is a wonderful woman, who has just one child- yet she was a mother to all of us, her sons friends- I knew when I was sad I could go to her and she would give me one of her the Great hugs  she is famous for, and I knew she loved me and cared about what happened to me- and that was enough to make it all better.

With or without children of our own- as women we are ALL MOTHERS- and we have a great responsibility. But when we are blessed with children in our home, the most important work that we can do is THERE with them.

We live in a difficult world where the family is falling apart-- Divorce is almost as common as marriage and people are more concerned with success than they are with their children. Children are growing up without the strong family influence so vital to their moral character- they are learning their values from TV and Friends instead of from their parents- and we, as mothers- hold the key to the whole problem!

Sister Virgina U. Jensen of the General Relief Society Board said this

"It is my sincere belief that the most powerful protection against the deteriorating condition of the family is a faithful, righteous mother. In 1993 President Hinckley said: “I remind mothers everywhere of the sanctity of your calling. No other can adequately take your place. No responsibility is greater, no obligation more binding than that you rear in love and peace and integrity those whom you have brought into the world.”

What a great responsibility the Lord has given to us- I feel SO HONORED to be a part of that- We are the ones with the power to change everything- for our children.

This power given to us is almost magical- we have the ability to mold and shape little minds- and to watch them reflect the things that we have taught them.  Here is a moment I wrote about when my oldest was still small.

"My 4 year old, Ethan is quite a talker- as a matter of fact he rarely stops- (I can't imagine where that comes from) and so as he is getting older I am constantly seeing myself in him- Imitating me—sometimes its sweet, sometimes its funny, and sometimes I am shocked at what he has picked up- and embarrassed that it came from me!-But each time this happens, I am overwhelmed with the strongest feelings- because I am SO grateful that it is MEEEEE that he is copying, not some babysitter, or daycare worker- or the television.-- My husband and I are the strongest influences in his life and that is how it was intended to be."

In “The Family, A proclamation to the world", 

they are very specific about the roles of parents.

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children."

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN????- Well also in the proclamation the first presidency states-

"Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. "Children are an heritage of the Lord" (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations."

Wow, what a big responsibility- I don't know about you, but thats almost overwhelming to me! It is our SACRED DUTY, and we will be held accountable for that obligation. I feel so inadequate for this challenge the Lord has given to me- I look at my two small children and feel scared, there is so much evil in the world- how can I teach them everything they need to know- how can I prepare them for it all. But the truth is that AS MOTHERS we are blessed to be partners with the Lord. We are instruments in his hands and he can guide us to do the things that are best for our children. But when I get too overwhelmed with it all, I can find comfort in the words of President Hinckley given in a General Relief Society Meeting a few years back. He was speaking specifically to us mothers, and he says

To you young women with small children, yours is a tremendous challenge. So often there is not enough money. You must scrimp and save. You must be wise and careful in your expenditures. You must be strong and bold and brave and march forward with gladness in your eye and love in your heart. How blessed you are, my dear young mothers. You have children who will be yours forever. I hope that you have been sealed in the house of the Lord and that your family will be an everlasting family in the kingdom of our Father.

May you be given strength to carry your heavy load, to meet every obligation, to walk side by side with a good and faithful and caring man, and together with him rear and nurture and bring up your children in righteousness and truth. Nothing else you will ever own, no worldly thing you will ever acquire will be worth so much as the love of your children. God bless you, my dear, dear young mothers.

Then we have you older women who are neither young nor old. You are in the most wonderful season of your lives. Your children are in their teens. Possibly one or two are married. Some are on missions, and you are sacrificing to keep them in the field. You are hoping and praying for their success and happiness. To you dear women I offer some special counsel.

Count your blessings; name them one by one. You don't need a great big mansion of a house with an all-consuming mortgage that goes on forever. You do need a comfortable and pleasant home where love abides. Someone has said that there is no more beautiful picture than that of a good woman cooking a meal for those she loves. Weigh carefully that which you do. You do not need some of the extravagances that working outside the home might bring. Weigh carefully the importance of your being in the home when your children come from school.

I am very blessed to be able to stay home with my children-

I have people all the time who say- Oh you are SO lucky, I wish I could stay home- but we just can't afford it. And sometimes I just want to say to them- “have you ever tried?”- I do recognize that there are many women who must work outside the home to survive, for various reasons beyond their control- and I admire these women greatly-but for the rest of us, I bear my testimony to you that if you trust in the Lord and take that leap of faith- it is possible.

When asked what her feelings were on women working outside the home- A former General Relief Society president- Sister Barbara B Smith has said...

Sister Barbara B Smith (general Relief Society President): The decision of a mother to go to work outside her home is an individual matter. Some widowed and divorced mothers may find they have to work to support themselves and their children. For some women working is a right decision at a certain time; for others it is not. It is not a simple choice. This is an area in which a woman must be most thoughtful and prayerful. She must carefully weigh the economic advantages against the possible adverse effects on the family of her absence from home. She must recognize her vital responsibilities as a wife and mother and ask herself how these will be affected if she leaves the home for outside employment. She must explore all of the options and choose the activities which will permit the greatest good for those for whom she has primary responsibility.

I'm not saying it's easy. I KNOW for a fact that it isn't easy financially to stay home- We live on a cop's salary- so believe me- I know... I spend hours budgeting and planning every single penny we have. And I will NEVER be fashionably dressed, and I shop for groceries with a calculator in my hand- make a tube of foundation last three years and cringe when my kids need new shoes-

BUT, I am there when my children bring me a book and say “read to me” 5 times a day, I am there to sing them to sleep every night, and to talk about their latest "crush". I am there to take them on walks to teach them about Nature, I am there to answer every single one of the million questions, and if I teach my children NOTHING else, I will have taught them that I loved them enough to give up all the rest.

A Good chunk of mommys job is not to give orders but to listen...

There was a fantastic story in the Ensign called “Mother Come Home” Where a woman had planned and prepared her entire life for her dream of being a successful corporate executive. She finished graduate school and was offered a job with a major international company that would assure her success and wealth, but would be very demanding on her family. After much prayer she was guided not to take the job and eventually became a full time “stay at home” mom. let me just read you a quote from that

After four years with this company, I felt that I was not supposed to work outside the home anymore. After another long night of counseling with my husband and with the Lord, I told the company owner I would be leaving. This decision took a leap of faith because we still had bills to pay, including student loans, and we had recently welcomed another daughter, Aerie, to our family. But I had learned that I am happiest when I follow the Lord’s plan for my life rather than my own personal plans.

Three years after this difficult decision to leave my job, our daughter Aerie asked me, “Mom, if someone said you could have ten thousand million diamonds or your Aerie, what would you choose?” I told her, “I would choose my Aerie.” She went on, “If someone said you could have ten million hundred dollars or your Aerie, what would you choose?” Again I told her, “I would choose my Aerie.” She jumped up and down, crying with glee, “I knew you would say that! I just knew you would say that!”

It hit me then that I had chosen my Aerie. Had I taken the position with the large international company, I probably would not have her in my life. And she is truly a joy, as are our four other children.

My mother was Valedictorian of her high school class, and when she recently went for her 30 year reunion, people were shocked to find out she -by their standards hadn't done anything great-, they expected so much of her- expected her to have all these accomplishments and all these degrees- but she doesn't feel like them at all- She could have been ANYTHING- but she CHOSE to be a Mother-She says-

“I made my job successful, because that is what I cared about- so I put my whole heart and soul into it. What is the difference between excelling there- and excelling outside the home- where down the road no-one really cares.

“I did a little of everything”- and that was MY CHOICE, and I don't regret it, not at all- I can't think of anything I would rather have done.”

Now whether you stay at home or must work- you are NO LESS A MOTHER- If anything it is more challenging for those women who are forced into the workplace- for whatever reason... I do have great respect and awe for these women and their efforts to compensate for the time spent away from home.

Being a mother is difficult no matter how you look at it- We all have different circumstances, and different obstacles-

I had a conversation with a friend the other day who had had a disagreement with her husband over whose job was more difficult. She didn't felt like he understood how hard it was to be a mother- and he didn't feel like she understood how hard his job was -and how much he needed to relax when he got home- instead of sharing in responsibilities. Whether we work or not, I imagine we have all had similar battles- feeling like no one understands how difficult what you 43do is. I have found myself spending what precious time I have with my husband complaining about the difficulties of my day- and giving him a play by play of everything that the kids did- and how frustrating it all was- etc etc. It finally hit me that I was trying to prove to him that what I did was hard and important- I needed him to know that I was working hard.-- And I found myself doing it with other people too- Like I needed everyone else's approval for my work as a mother. I call it “Validation” when we constantly need others - be it our husband, friends, family, or even the rest of the world- to approve or validate what we do. We can never truly be happy when our happiness or sense of self comes from others.

In this conversation with my friend, we both realized, that it isn't anyone else's approval that we needed.  We just needed to believe in OURSELVES and believe in what we are doing. As mothers, we have to find that strength within ourselves- and that can be harder than we ever imagined as naïve young women dreaming of what motherhood would be like. If you struggle with this, as we all do, I promise the Lord can help you. A favorite scripture we all know- 1 Nephi 3:7 reads, that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he hath commanded them.  The Lord has blessed us to be mothers- he knows our individual circumstances, and if we go to him for support and approval we will find it. He will help us through the challenges that come our way- whether you are a single mom with two kids- trying to make ends meet- or a stay at home mom struggling to find meaning in the day to day menial tasks that never end.

We also have to accept some pretty basic things about Motherhood, like the fact that the world is NEVER going to view our job as important or worthwhile. We are going to sit in work parties with our husbands and have the other women turn their noses up when they ask what we do, and we say “I chose to stay home with my children.” We are going to have people filling out forms ask us for our job, and when we say “stay at home Mom” they are going to say “Oh so you don't work”? Its going to happen, again and again and again. And I won't pretend that these things don't STILL bother me, but what bothers me now isn't that it makes me feel small anymore. NOW, it bothers me that these women don't know any better. That they don't have the same conviction that I do, that a mothers place is in the home.

I have always wanted to be a Mother-


I was going to be the perfect Mom--


kids always dressed nice and matching- and hair combed-

A nutritious meal always on the table at 5

I would always have this sense of fulfillment and accomplishment

Fast forward to a few years ago----


Its about 6:30 at night

the house is a disaster- although I spent all day cleaning it

there are piles of dirty dishes- even though the sink was empty this morning and there is a stack of laundry that needs to be folded and another one that I SWEAR I just put away that morning

the boys need a bath and are chasing each other around the kitchen with their fish sticks and frozen corn scattered all over the kitchen table

My husband is at work and won't be home till the middle of the night and I am at my wits end-- It wasn't supposed to be like this!

Ethan has been arguing with me, and even though he has dumped every toy he owns on the family room floor I can NOT get him to clean it up!- I can't remember what he had said specifically but it was enough to make me VERY angry with him.

SO I call my Mom and I am just complaining and venting about how frustrated I am, and how much these guys drive me crazy and how tired I am and so on and so on and so on. -- and she stops me in the middle of my tirade and says-

Put everything down and go gather your children in your arms and read them a story- and I was like “WHAT” But Mom, I am so mad, and so on and so on... but she persisted, so I did as she suggested. And do you know what? It got better. The kitchen was still a mess, and the laundry still needed to be folded and the playroom was still a disaster. But I WAS THE ONE WHO CHANGED. My attitude turned towards loving and teaching instead of yelling and screaming.

What did I learn from this small moment? That I am NEVER going to be perfect, and that my kids aren't going to be perfect- but my kids don't care- they love me no matter what, and its BEING THERE that counts.

Elder Jeffrey R Holland gave us some words of wisdom when he said.

Yours is the grand tradition of Eve, the mother of all the human family, the one who understood that she and Adam had to fall in order that “men [and women] might be” 9 and that there would be joy. Yours is the grand tradition of Sarah and Rebekah and Rachel, without whom there could not have been those magnificent patriarchal promises to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob which bless us all. Yours is the grand tradition of Lois and Eunice and the mothers of the 2,000 stripling warriors. Yours is the grand tradition of Mary, chosen and foreordained from before this world was, to conceive, carry, and bear the Son of God Himself. We thank all of you, including our own mothers, and tell you there is nothing more important in this world than participating so directly in the work and glory of God, in bringing to pass the mortality and earthly life of His daughters and sons, so that immortality and eternal life can come in those celestial realms on high.

“May I say to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are magnificent. You are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you have been given such a responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your Father in Heaven has in you. He knows that your giving birth to a child does not immediately propel you into the circle of the omniscient. If you and your husband will strive to love God and live the gospel yourselves; if you will plead for that guidance and comfort of the Holy Spirit promised to the faithful; if you will go to the temple to both make and claim the promises of the most sacred covenants a woman or man can make in this world; if you will show others, including your children, the same caring, compassionate, forgiving heart you want heaven to show you; if you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do.”

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “Because She Is a Mother,” Ensign, May 1997, 36.

I bear my testimony to you, that motherhood is the greatest gift we, as women have been given. We need to cherish it and appreciate what a gift it is. We need to believe in ourselves if we choose to stay home and KNOW that what we are CHOOSING our children over success in the world. What a wonderful gift to have that choice to make! And I challenge you to sit down with your children and love them, read to them, sing to them, and play with them. Sometimes its okay to let the house go and just enjoy the little moments. Because they really do grow up before you can blink. I encourage you to get down on your knees and seek your validation from the Lord and stop allowing the world to make you feel small.  We are mothers, and it is the greatest blessing in the world!

-Aleesha