“Omigah, You’re so Perf!”

Today, we have a special guest post from a lovely woman I have had the pleasure of knowing and growing up with. She's incredible, and if you don't believe me, just read this post. It certainly reminded me of many things I should be focusing on in my own life. Her name is Niagra, now go fall madly in love with her words, just as I did.

“Omigah, You’re so Perf!”

           

            So how do you feel pretty in a pretty-obsessed world? I can make it simple and tell you all of the cliché stuff Dove commercials use where they capture ‘real women’, as if there is some forbidden land or alternate universe where ‘fake women’ live, (yeah, I know they mean actresses, but using the term ‘real women’ doesn’t make me want to buy your product). Or I can tell you the same things those self-proclaiming, ‘liberating’ naked magazine ads do where they use those celebrities who make you rethink eating that second serving of a good home-cooked meal, and committing to a life where all you can consume is a cup of green tea. 

Or I can be real with you.

            Feeling pretty these days is really, really, really, hard.

            Maybe even a chore.

            Is it not our job as women to look pleasing and appealing to men? And how confusing is it these days, honestly. At least back then all you had to do was to make sure to not be fat. Nowadays, you can’t be skinny either. You have to have a small waist, large hips, more ‘blessed’ attributes, and the perfect calves. Nowadays you have to look ‘fit’, because men really dig girls with six-packs now, oh, and thigh-gaps. And if you’re skinny, you can’t be too skinny, to the point you look ‘unhealthy’. And if your thick, you can’t be too thick, or else someone will mistake you for weighing over two hundred pounds. And if you’re too much of any of these things, then don’t expect to get what you think you deserve, because it’s your fault. 

If you’re a fat girl, don’t expect to get a fit guy, because it’s your duty to make sure your fit too. If you’re a skinny girl....well, you’re just a big meanie-pants for being skinny, (sticks tongue out at all the skinny girls/women in the world). It’s almost as if there is a certain formula for being the perfect girl. Kind of like building a cake. I watch my sister bake or make cakes all the time, and I can never perfect the art (oh, haha, there’s that word again). If you add too much of one thing, the whole cake is ruined. These days, being perfect, is a lot like that.

Darn you hot dog legs!

Oh, and there are perfect girls out there.

    Social media has taken large parts of the world by storm, but seemingly the only thing that makes it of good use is taking selfies. Now I’m not shy to selfies, you kind of need them to get by on social media. I learned that the hard way. The first time I made an account to Facebook, I put a picture up of a butterfly as my profile picture, and got a bunch of snarky comments at school. “I didn’t know you were a butterfly.” Oh, well, I don’t have the next i-whatever to take a decent picture, so.....

            And thus, began the rule of the selfies.

            And there are those girls who are ‘perfect’. Who get those diamond comments: I wish I were you! Omigah, you’re so perf! Perf: shortened for ‘perfect’, isn’t that clever? And as I am feverishly typing away on my bed, I hear my sister beside me gush about the women she follows on those social media apps, and about them all being so ‘perfect’. She shows me them, and my psyche gauge depletes to critical levels. Only later do I notice that all of these women have a few things in common, things I’m sure you can figure out. 

Basically, they don’t look anything like me.

            Not. One. Bit.

The Great Deceiver (cackles manically) I have all the traits of a mystical, magical siren

            Most of you don’t know me or what I look like. And I must admit that my profile pictures are a bit deceiving (I make it a goal to only expose from the neck up, sometimes not even that. Sadly, this is only about twenty percent of the body). 

I am a big girl. Always have been. Have always struggled with losing weight. Have always wistfully looked at my friends or family with much prettier silhouettes or shapes then me. I’d like to kid myself into saying I was curvy, but I consider myself just really....lumpy. I’m laughing as I type this now, but it’s true. My sister sometimes says, ‘oh you’re hourglass shaped’, and while I am proportioned on both top and bottom, why disregard my middle? If we are talking about shapes now, I’d truthfully say I’m more, ‘cardboard-box shaped’. Or, ‘newspaper-shaped’.

Newspaper-Shaped, which is good, because I like newspapers

So, moving on, I also resemble my mother a lot, who is a beauty. 

Did you see that? That one little word? Resemble?

            I don’t look like her.

            I resemble her.

People mistook us for twins.....(scratches beard) .

            People sometimes mistake us for twins if they look too quickly, but then they stand there, and look long enough, and go, “Oh, you’re not Mrs. Campos.” We have different complexions, different bone-structures in the face. I am darker, seemingly always flushed (I am probably the only dark-skinned girl you’ll know to blush red), and my features are more exaggerated. Smaller eyes. Smaller nose, with a bump on top. Smaller lips. And the feature, the one feature to dominate seventy five percent of my face is my cheeks. I have really large cheeks. Or cheek bones, but lots of skin there too. I get mixed reactions to this. Some say I look unapproachable and ‘tough’. Some say I look like a young girl, about fourteen. It always changes, and baffles/confuses me, so I’ve given up deciding which kind of person I was perceived as to the general public. 

There are other features to me, like my extra dry skin, or duck-feet (wide, large Hobbit feet—I say Hobbit, because though they are pretty big for my size, I am no taller then five feet), or my frizzy, scratchy-to-the-touch hair, but I rather not go into that. You get the gist of it. NO ONE is convincing me from a Dove commercial that I’m a ‘worth it’, because NO ONE from those commercials look like me.

I’ve had experiences to lift me up, and to bring me down. I’ve had countless women gush about how beautiful I was, but have also had countless young men slide there eyes over my head and onto my sister or mother, or flat out just say it, “You’d be so pretty if you lost X amount of weight....and if you took out your dreadlocks....and if you didn’t wear those boots that made your legs looks so short, and if you....”

            So I had to learn myself. And what does learning require?

            RESEARCH.

            I stopped wistfully looking into those magazine ads, and started surfing the web, for women who looked like me. They were hidden, like rare gems, but with enough work, enough digging, I found them. Those women who looked like me. And you know....

            They were happy with themselves.

            I also noticed another thing. While they were beautiful, I focused more on the way their eyes lit up when they talked about music/books/clothes/television/their beautiful lives in general. Or the way they laughed, which was infectious, and made me laugh too. Or the way they just carried themselves. With a confidence you couldn’t buy, you had to earn. And these women weren’t ever going to be put in a Dove commercial or magazine cover/ad. Like, ever. And it didn’t matter.

They were loved. By men. By women. By children. 

But more importantly, by themselves.

And it showed. They say that you’re your own worst critic. Beating yourself up, torturing yourself because you don’t look or even closely resemble ‘that perfect girl’ is going to show in your countenance over the years. I don’t know how many times it’s been said to me—every women I come across has said this to me—“no one is going to love you if you don’t start with loving yourself.”

Like my sash? 

            When you whisper those things in the mirror, or when you hear those things in your mind, think to yourself, honestly, would you say that to another girl who resembled you? Would you say that to a younger version of you? I don’t think I’d have the guts to look at twelve-year-old Niagra, in all her flushed-face, frizzy-haired, pink polka-dot converse-shoed glory and say, “You’re ugly, you’re fat, and no one will ever want you.” Young women/women expect to be treated kindly and gently, to be forgiven of our second helpings, or the fact that our legs are not as long as the super model on the bill board you pass everyday to work. How can we expect anybody to treat us kindly, with love and adoration, if we can’t show these emotions for ourselves? How can we expect anyone to love us if we’re chastising ourselves for eating too much sweets on a cheat day? It’s a double standard. It’s wrong. And just plain, unfair!

            Through my research (using the term ‘research’ loosely, it was mostly just surfing through videos on Youtube), I have come to the conclusion that the laws of attraction are not the same for everybody, and almost always never using physical attraction as the center rule. I thought about the things that made me attractive and/or attracted to other people. I liked listeners, people with a talent for not saying much but always being attentive. I liked people who liked books. 

And I liked people who weren’t afraid to show who they were to other people. 

Things that people have said they liked about me: they liked my voice, although for a long time I hated it. They liked my rough hair and the beads in it. This one girl said my hair seemed to make a bold statement. They liked my many expressions, and how I couldn’t make a poker face, because my cheeks were so big and always gave it away. Things that I overlooked or despised, people liked, some even adored, and these combinations of silly things made me stand out from the seven billion people in the world. 

And in time, I learned to love these character traits I attained too. 

          We've got this long mirror hanging over our closet that's directed towards my bed, so every time I wake up--boom!--right in my face is my....face. I asked my sister if we could take it down because I don't really like looking at myself ever morning and night. Anyways, so I was typing (when am I not?), and I leaned over to grab a sheet with some notes, and I caught myself in the mirror. 

I'm in my pajamas. It's 5:56 in the morning. I haven't even brushed my teeth or wash my face yet; but as I ran my hands a couple times through my hair and touched my face, I realized something. I may not be 'the prettiest flower in the garden' or the 'the brightest crayon in the box' and I may be 'two sandwich short of a picnic' (you like my phrases), but all in all.... I wouldn't change a single thing about me. 

            Not. A single. Thing. 

            

Keep Going

Hello my dear readers, new readers, passersby, occasional strangers.  Here it is Wednesday afternoon, and I find myself wishing I had been posting more lately. I finally have time to finish this post I started weeks ago, since I had a surprise day off of work. I want to make a formal apology for the lack of posts.  Aleesha has been insanely busy and so her posts are on a hold for a little while, and as for me, well if you didn't already know- I'm pregnant, working a full time job, and some days it's hard to just accomplish those two.

Now I realize this is no excuse for leaving you just hanging out there, but let's be really honest right now...it IS my excuse.  Unfortunately NO amount of "I'm sorry," or excuses, or justifications makes up for lost time and lost opportunities, but I appreciate the patience of those around me.  Don't worry, I won't bore you with all the gory details, but the first trimester was just rocky, plain and simple.  Was I horrifically and tragically hospitalized and almost dying? No, definitely not (and I say thank you every day for that) but it sure wasn't roses and butterflies. 

 I want it to be perfectly clear that this does not diminish my excitement in ANY way,

 but it is my only explanation for my lack of will power and strength 

in getting things accomplished.

Please note that I am profoundly happy to become a mother.  This is the most important dream and goal in my life, and I never thought I would be allowed to have it so soon.  To answer those annoying questions I guarantee some reading this will have: yes, it was planned and desired, yes I just turned 21, no I'm not in school right now, YES I want this more than anything.  I'll be featuring a blog post very soon on my decision to become a mother so young.

That being said, I've had a lot of time to ponder while I've been sick, and unable to really function.  I have several new blog posts already started and in the works for you to look forward to, covering topics such as depression and anxiety, why a degree isn't for everyone, my faiths and beliefs, why it's my dream to be a mother at 21, how wonderful the blessing of marriage is, and plenty of other lovely things that apply to most of the women I know.  I'll probably post some funnier posts just to light up your day every once in a while too.

But my message today isn't simply an apology, it's much more than that.  Something I have learned over the past two months is that sometimes all the strength you have is to crawl out of bed when the sun comes up, and crawl back in when it goes down.

 It is okay.

Defeat does not come in our lack of accomplishing great feats, it comes when we have given up.

 Crawling in and out of bed means you have not given up.

There will be days, weeks, and unfortunately even months in life where we feel like we aren't doing enough.  My own sentiments to my dear sweet husband have echoed those of so many women and men around the world.

"I wasn't productive enough."

"I didn't get the dishes done."

"No, I haven't finished editing that batch of pictures yet."

"No I'm sorry I haven't finished my visiting teaching."

"I haven't seen that friends in ages, she probably hates me."

"I'm wasting my talents."

And my least favorite (hold your breath)...

"I'm just not good enough."

The point is- NONE of these are true. I don't care if it's the same routine every day for the next 3 months, as long as you keep trying you are still not defeated, and you are still accomplishing so much.  I know people who are fighting this same battle because of health conditions, depression, pregnancy, money issues, anxiety, loss of drive or passion, mid life crises, surgery recovery, plain exhaustion, and the list doesn't stop there.

No matter what monster you're facing, or river you're wading, keep going.  It is not the end, and it will get better with time.  Even if it takes all your strength, and all your might just to keep your head up, keep going.

You are more than your trials, and you'll be able to look back one day and see how they changed you, shaped you into the person you wanted to become.  That person you want to be now, the one that can face these trials, is already inside of you.  You just can't see that person clearly until you turn around and see how far you have already come.

Keep going, and believe in yourself and your ability to overcome. Honestly, sometimes breaking through the grey means just keeping on trying.  You might not break through every single day. But as long as you don't give up, there are more opportunities to make life better. I know without a doubt that even during the hardest of times, there is still someone rooting for me, and not just my wonderful husband, but my loving Father in Heaven.  His Son has descended below, and risen above each of my trials, and as hard as these moments seem now- I know with their help I can overcome them. Your Father in Heaven knows you and loves you perfectly.  Weaknesses and trials make us humble, stronger, and ultimately the person He and each of us WANT to become.  He will support you, you just have to Keep Going.

Break Through

My wonderful sister Aleesha, who has always been an inspiration to me, has brilliant thoughts that I want people to learn about.  Over the next couple of weeks as I work to learn more about the women around me, and what to focus my own posts on, Aleesha will be writing several posts centered on the idea of Breaking Through, and I will be featuring them gratefully on here.  I Invite you to read her words of wisdom and courage and see another woman working to break through the grey.  I would also like to remind anyone reading to feel free to send me what grey you are going through so that I can better understand the women I write for.  It doesn't matter how old you are- it matters.  This is the first of Aleesha's posts, please enjoy. 

 We, as women, come from all different aspects of life.  

Some of us are married, some of us are single,

 some of us have happy homes with loving husbands 

and some of us are struggling valiantly to raise a family alone. 

 Wherever, and whomever, you are - we each fight the same battle daily; a battle to overcome the doubts that rise within us. Its a battle to feel good about ourselves and who we are.

  We are battling to withstand the onslaught of the world, its views about womanhood, and our value as individuals.  

In the past few months I have read page after page of blog posts addressing this grey-ness that overcomes us all.  "Believe in yourself" they say.  "You are Enough" is the battle-cry".  I'll admit it's heartwarming to read through the never-ending feel good articles of women patting each other on the back.  "I feel this way too," I will think, as I read yet another article about a woman who struggles to feel important.

But sometimes, I wonder..."Is there more to this story"?  

WHY do we feel this doubt and what can we do to really fight against it, instead of just reading articles telling us that we are good enough.  I mean, don't misunderstand me, I enjoy posts encouraging women to believe they are beautiful, but if we don't believe it ourselves, what good did the message from a stranger do?  I know personally, it might make me smile for about 10 seconds, till I walk back into the reality of my chaotic world.

I wonder, how can we effectively wage this war against "The Grey".  How can we convince ourselves and the women in our lives to not just tell themselves that they are good enough, but really believe it?  Ladies we need a PLAN!  And not just some "lose 10 lbs in 10 days or your money back" kind of gimmick, but we need something that will really make a difference in our everyday life. 

I'm not going to pretend to have all the answers, and I am not a professional.  But I have always seemed to have sharpie on my forehead saying "Tell me
your problems", and have been on many a living room sofa with a friend pouring out her heart.   I have seen women struggle and cry and I have been there myself.  I have felt the moments (or centuries) of despair and loneliness.  From these years of encouraging others and learning myself I have formulated a plan.  Its a plan to literally BREAK through the grey.  To fight our way out of feeling like we are somehow less, for whatever reasons we have assigned to ourselves.  And it means work.  

I'm going to outline the plan below, and then each week we will focus on one aspect of the plan.  We can do it ladies, we can move forward into the light, believe in ourselves, and spread that light to the world around us.  But first, we have to break through.

B- Believe in your infinite worth

R- Reject the worlds messages

E- Edify and Educate yourself

A- Accept your weaknesses

K- Know your Strengths

T- Take care of your body

H- Have Daily Prayer

R- Reach outward

O- Obey the commandments

U- Use the scriptures as a tool

G- Give Generously

H- Hear the whisperings of the Spirit

If you can make it past Wednesday

Wednesday.  It is the day in the very middle of the week.  It’s the “hump day” the “peak day” and when I was little, I thought it was my favorite day of the week. Wow. 

 Now Wednesday has become much less of a favorite day and more of a day to survive.  It’s common to get the midweek blues.  We all get them, whether you’re working and counting down to the weekend, or if you’re a Parent and praying for the Friday night date night to get here, or if you’re a student and it brings the blessed time to catch up on homework, or you somewhat non-existent social life.  

No matter who you are- I guarantee at some point in this life, 

you too my friend will face the midweek blues.

Today I have good news though.  The mere fact that you have made it to Wednesday says something about who you are.  You have courage.  

You pushed past Monday, clearly the most infamous and even hated day of the week.

You also made it past Tuesday, which can be compared to the dreaded  rising of a roller coaster.  Think of one of those old wooden ones with the clicking track as it pulls you up the passage. 

Click. Click. Click. (I know. You’re cringing already)

  So now you hit Wednesday, and it’s supposed to be the downward hill…or so you think.  But it’s actually just the peak of the roller coaster, as it curves around and you head very slowly toward the descent.  Imagine that flat, boring, and all-but dragging part.  

And that is Wednesday my friends, but the good news is that you've made the ascent.  That is a huge accomplishment. That takes strength, and faith.  So now you just have to hold on and make it past Wednesday.

Wednesdays are not just part of roller coasters, or simply part of your week- 

they are a huge part of life.  

A part of life you unfortunately cannot get around.  

Right now my Wednesday is a number of things.  One of them is that it actually is Wednesday, my house is messy, and I’m exhausted.  Another example would be work right now-  I love my job, but it’s been extra stressful lately with getting sick (I had a cold for 3 weeks.  It was great. Not.) and just feeling behind.  Our cat (her name is Ainsley) spilled water across the table, which then seeped into our computer, and $1500 later, we have a chunk out of savings a new computer.  That setback is kind of a Wednesday too.  Do you see my pattern with this? 

Wednesdays in life are short times that seem to drag on forever.  They contribute to the grey times in life, and can even be defined AS the grey times in life.  So here’s my theory: 

If you can make it past Wednesday,

 you can make it past anything. 

I know that feeling, when you’re in the middle of a trial or a struggle, and you find yourself thinking- will I ever be past this?  It is so hard to see the end from the middle, and we have all found that to be true.  

It’s a sentiment I have heard echoed time and time again in my own thoughts, and in the frustrations, the conversations, and the desperation of others.  Working at Crisis Line, we hear so many callers looking for a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  But what they seem to forget is that it is temporary…Wednesday is temporary. 

     It always has been, and always will be.

 

Wednesday will pass, and once you've made it to Thursday- it becomes that downhill slope, hopefully easier and not so high stress.  The downward roller coaster is the thrill we wait for, and the ride we enjoy.  And it will come.  But until it does, you just have to make it past Wednesday. 

 Sure it might seem impossible, but that’s what this blog is about-Breaking through the grey, even if it’s “just a Wednesday.”  I've included a list of some daily things that help pick me up. Find your own ways, and what actually works for you- whether it’s a real Wednesday or it’s a proverbial one, you deserve to get past it.  It’s those short period of grey that contribute to longer ones, so we've got to fight them off. 

If you can make it past the little things, the shorter periods of stress, you can make it through anything.

  If you can make it past Wednesday,

 you can make it past anything.

• Say a prayer
• List off all the best moments of your day on a sticky note.  Try and fit them all in ;)
• Drink some water
• Rub your temples
• Take a long,warm shower
• Breathe deeply for about two minutes and ignore EVERYTHING
• Think positive thoughts
• List off AT LEAST 5 things you love about yourself
• Stretch
• Smile. It actually can help. 

And watch this.  It makes a difference. Every single Wednesday I come to. 

Not what we planned,but we're happy with it

Christmas is the one time of the year where you don't look like an idiot going out to the middle of a mountainous forest, and trying to find a christmas tree in the dark.  Or is it?

Well that's exactly what I did. 
I, my husband, and two of our dear friends did anyways...and it was an incredible blast.  We began our journey at about 5:30, and we drove down to Price, UT (with snow, about 1.5 hours away) and picked up our christmas tree permit.  (You have to have a permit to cut down a tree.  I highly suggest you get one before you get pulled over with a gigantic tree on the hood of your car ;) )

The lady at the store was so kind, and showed us on a map where to turn and drive in to find the best trees.  Let me just tell you- we were pumped. Like as pumped up as elves who've just eaten 173 candy canes a piece. Chocolate covered candy canes.

So we drove back up through Price Canyon, aka one of the deadliest roads in the country. (just fyi) and found the turn off to head into the forest. 

 I probably looked a squirrel who just found a bag 

of fresh brazil nuts already cracked and abandoned. 

 At this point, I should tell you though, that it was getting dark...and by getting dark I mean it was so pitch black in the mountains that I started to forget what the sun looks like. (I'm only sort of kidding)

Well...much to our surprise, demise, and frustration...the "forest" was a whole bunch of FAKE pine trees.  

They weren't pines at all, they were the kind of tree the looks like a pine when you're freezing and standing in the dark at -1 degrees, until you get close enough to feel it, and it's not even close to that picturesque Frasier or Douglas fir you are so accustomed to.

The disappointment became more and more poignant with every tree I looked at.  
Now you have to understand, to look at a tree, I had to:

• shuffle through the snow
• climb either up or down half of a mountain
• freeze as I stood there 
• try to decipher if it was a pine or not

  I was only wearing rubber rain boots and jeans with leggings.  Yes, I realize this was probably a bad idea. 

The point I'm getting at here, is that finding your own Christmas tree is not as easy as it is in the cartoon Christmas movies. 

Honestly, as I decorated our little bitty stick of a tree, which we finally found atop a steep hill, and filled my home with Christmas Cheer, I started to realize- this tree is quite symbolic for my life.  

It wasn't really what I had planned on finding, but I am incredibly happy with it. 

 Life isn't always what we expect..sometimes the pine tree is just a stupid fake pine, and sometimes it's actually a porcupine.  Sometimes the tree is entirely elusive and you never find it at all.  And every now and then, you find the most luscious

 evergreen you've ever laid eyes on. 

But whether you end up with a True Christmas Tree, or a little Christmas Stick, isn't the hunt worth your time?  Life does not always turn out the way we expect.  

We have all felt that sentiment to be true. 

But looking back- even if it isn't what you planned, you can still be happy with it. 

My intention with this story of the infamous Christmas Stick Hunt, is not to tell you of how we can decorate our apartment, but rather how you can look back on your life and find happiness even if it is not what you planned on.  

I certainly thought by now that I would be some musical sensation, changing lives and chasing all my dreams.  I thought I wouldn't still live in Provo. I thought I would be almost finished with school. 

Even when my dreams changed after high school, I thought by this time I surely would have life figured out, that I would have my act entirely together.  I thought I would be well on my way to motivational speaking and singing for everyone to hear.  

Then when I changed all my plans this summer, and married the man of my dreams, I thought for sure by Christmas we would have everything planned out, that we would be a year out from graduation.  I thought we would be building our family by now. 

And when I begin to dwell on all those long-past dreams, even outgrown dreams, I can begin to feel that familiar sadness of what we could also call forgotten dreams. But just as I found myself moving past the idea of the ideal Douglas fir, and falling in love with a tiny stick of a pine, with spiky needles, and very little splendor to it...we can also move past dreams we should have long since let go of.  It is okay to change your dreams.  They are yours, and they can be whatever you want.  

I've learned that life changes around you, and your dreams too must change, for the better.  

So even though we may begin with the dream of finding a massive Christmas Tree to rival that of St. Nicholas himself, we learn that we can also be happy with a tiny one we found while we were laughing with our best friends, while holding hands in the cold winter air 

with the love of our life.  

Is my life exactly as I imagined? No. It's even better.  So no- it's not what I planned on, but I am more happy with it than I could ever adequately describe. It's far from what I imagined or even planned on.  It turns out my dreams weren't really big enough for all the things I have already given my heart to, and all the things i have yet to become. 

Look around you, look at the life you have, the things you HAVE accomplished. 

 If you're a mother, look at the tiny hands and big eyes that look up to you.

If you're a student, take a look at everything you have learned,

 in the classroom and out of it. 

 If you're an adventurer at heart, gaze at all the places your mind and heart have been, and overcome, even if you've never left your hometown.

No matter what title you might give yourself, give yourself credit, and remember that you have already done great things- even if you don't see it right now. 

  Is anyone's life exactly as they planned it out?  No. But for those who recognize what they have, who see the beauty in simple moments of laughter and meaningful expressions of love, in the peace of a quiet evening spent in reflection on an eternal plan...you can be happy with it.  

Chances are...you'll be happier than 
you thought you could be.
  

Break through the grey...look at life and see that even though it may not be what you planned on...it is still beautiful, and it is happy.  

And then let it become even happier. 

Happy Christmas Tree Hunting. 

Invisible Bridges

.

I took this picture.  It was last January as my father and I drove back to Utah, across country.  I knew some pretty incredible changes were coming my way.  I had no idea the depth and the magnitude of these changes.  Life changes. 

But I love this picture.  Can I tell you why? It may be blurry, and it may not be of anything more than a bridge, but to me- it represents change. 

why?

Well...life is always moving forward, and we constantly have bridges we have to cross. 

 We have bridges we build, 

bridges we cross, 

bridges we even have to burn. 

That's part of life.  Because when you're walking a road this long- eventually you will HAVE to cross a bridge.  

I love this picture because though taken a year ago...that is where I am now.  

On the other side of a bridge. 

As of today: 
I am no longer a student at BYU. 
 I lost my job due to withdrawing. 
 I spent three days trying to actually catch up on sleep, 
and get some projects worked on. (This is code for watching chickflicks.) 
I interviewed for three jobs.
  I took one of them. 
 I am a new receptionist for PeakENT in Provo, an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor,
 and life is still wonderful. 

Sure, you might think...woah now Shan, that's a lot of changes for one girl in two weeks.  Well that my friends is true, and that is why I'm telling you I have not had any spare moments to even write in my journal, let alone a blog post.  My sincerest apologies. Really. 

But what I want to tell you today, isn't really about the results honestly...those posts will come later.  What I want to tell you about is this: The change. 

Life IS change.  Whether we like it or not, it constantly moves forward.  

We can either go with it, or be left behind to gaze as it moves on around us.  
Our purpose here is to grow, to learn, to be inspired, to feel, to think, and to change.  

If we stand in the shadows, watching the leaves change around us, waiting for the sunshine to come, or waiting for the rain to stop- we are waiting in vain- for life will not stop continually progressing forward.  That's WHY the leaves change, that is why the rain comes, and that is why we are blessed to finally see that beautiful sunshine spread across the world.  Will you stand in the shadows, or will you step out, and see what life has to offer?

I'll tell you what it has to offer.  Bridges.  As I said: some you build, some you cross, and some you even burn, but there is one kind of bridge that makes all the difference...the invisible one.  

Sure. A clip from an all-time favorite.  But what is the message here?  It's the invisible bridge.  This is a principle I have seen time and time again in my life.  I've shared this concept with others, and obviously it's not really my original idea, but it has become powerful and meaningful to me, and since it is something each person must cross, I've taken to sharing it...so why not here too?

Faith.  Faith is vital to my life, my soul, and my heart.  Faith in things to come, faith in myself, and faith that I am not the one in charge of this path called life.  

But it is faith that we must arm ourselves with when we come to this bridge.  

So what is it, I'm sure you are asking.
?

 The invisible bridge is the essence of the all moments when one must press forward without a sure footing.  It is that initial step into the void, 

into the dark abyss of the unknown.

When you're standing there, it is an absolutely terrifying moment.  What if there is no bridge?  What if you fall?  Ah...but what if there is no bridge...and what if you fly?

We will never know what the future holds for us, unless we have the courage to leave the shadows of what we already know, and step in the light of what could be. 

The choice is ours alone. 

I have come to many invisible bridges in my life, and I have always felt the guiding hand of a loving Father in Heaven who steadies me, and who will not let me fall. 

 If I step out, it matters not whether the bridge is there, whether it is made of stone, or wood, or even smoke- what matters is that I chose to continue on. 

 If there is no bridge, then He will either catch me, or mend the broken pieces from the rocks below. If there is a bridge, then He will guide me across it...but still it is I, that must have the faith to simply step. 

There is sunshine down the road.  

There is solace in these steps, that take you away from the shadows of a life half-lived.

There is hope...one must only have the courage to cross the invisible bridge, to continue on...to live. 

Do not wait to cross the bridge.  There is Someone waiting to guide you, and there is life on the other side.  Be not afraid of the journey to come, only dwelling to long on the side you already know.  

You know what is on this side...so cross.  

...I did