Brace yourself. This is my background. It's for your reading pleasure. It will take a while. Okay. You were warned.
Twelfth grade came and passed so quickly. It was the end of the year, and I had a paper entitled My Philosophy of Life sitting on my desk. Hour after hour I had spent sifting through my own words and ideas, to make sure every phrase and sentiment was perfect. I talked of life, love, religion, heroes, fatal flaws and saving graces, and ultimately my own life. There I was in high school, thinking that this paper represented ideals and beliefs that would never change; that I would never change.
Three years later, everything has changed.
Do we not all go through a period of time, when
we think we understand the world
and ourselves completely-
that the odds are completely wrong,
and that we can pick and choose the realities
that apply to us?
Looking back on that time now, that is what that paper represents to me. I had an idea of who I wanted to be, but no plan or formulation to reach her.
There must have been a build up; a preface of sorts, but I never saw it. What I saw was Shannon, an 18 year old girl who clearly knew what she was doing, where she was going, and no one was going to change her mind. Never mind how many times they warned her. Forget all the times they took her aside and said, "Shannon, what are you doing?"
Then, on my way out to college at Brigham Young University, my world came crashing down- along with all of those life philosophies of mine. Morning, afternoon and evening, I stared blankly into a mirror, seeing a girl whose castles in the air had fallen to the ground. She didn't even know who she was anymore. My life was
full of grey.
I'm telling you this because if you're going to read anything I write then you probably want to have a little background on WHO I am. I'm telling you this, because from the outside looking in, my life is pretty rose-colored, and I want you to know...it is.
But as with all roses, there are thorns, and an awful lot of dirt to go through.
Sometimes there is pruning, and even cold, bleak winters, where I miss the sun so much it makes my heart ache.
The grey had to change.
Life was becoming dull, and I felt meaningless. I discovered that what was missing, was the very thing I had been seeking and not finding.
It was my relationship with my Father in Heaven.
Turning to Him isn't just about saying it though- it is about DOING it. I had been asking, and searching but I had not been DOING. I was walking the walk, but not feeling it in my heart. I have learned that there is nothing in my life that can shatter the grey more powerfully or more completely than
my faith in my Father above, and in His Son who atoned for my sins, carried my burdens, and carries me now.
Time passed so quickly. And what a marvelous time I had, discovering, exploring my personality, learning to stand on my own two feet, learning to let my Heavenly Father pick me back up.
I made friends. I laughed. I sang. I danced...sometimes a little too off beat. I stayed up late eating mac and cheese on my kitchen floor...because I wanted to.
(Don't misunderstand...I don't believe in doing just anything you want, but I do believe in learning about yourself.
I needed to know what I loved, what was worth fighting for, and what made me Shannon; what made me happy.
I had to learn to Break Through the Grey.
Things I learned:
- Chocolate truly does wonders for the heart
- When you're sad...watching sad movies does NOT make it better
- Junk food only makes you feel worse about yourself, your wardrobe, your mirror, your refrigerator, your books, your pillows, EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIFE.
- People change, and that is OKAY. It's even part of life.
- YOU change, and that is also part of life.
- Dancing around to 80's power ballads can do amazing thing for lifting spirits
- Letting go of the past becomes easier with time, and you don't need to rush it. Eventually, time helps the past let go of YOU. One day you will wake up and see a different person standing in that mirror. A Happier person.
- Our Heavenly Father loves us individually and perfectly, no matter what mistakes we have made, and He will always strive to lift us, out of the darkness and into the light.
- Without Him, I would be lost.
Since that time, my life story has changed. I got married at 20 which I never expected. I lived in Arizona, and I definitely didn't see that one coming.
I changed my dreams, changed my plans, and changed my life.
I'm sure that throughout this journey of writing about my life and experiences, you'll pick more of the details of my life- but what I want you to know as you read, is that I know who I am now. I've fought to get here, and I'm still working, still fighting every day. I expect to do so until the day I leave this life, and then some.
I am an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
I know that my Redeemer lives.
I love people from all religions though, so know in reading my blog that I will never discriminate against anyone, even if you believe differently. It's okay. You can skip over the more religious posts.
I am an avid lover of chickflicks, and rather obsessed with writing down things. Quotes, thoughts, experiences, funny moments. I love cheese and sour cream. They pretty much go with everything. I've recently taken up sewing, and it's a blast. I also LOVE Harry Potter. I LOVE to sing, and I will post songs on here. If you don't like my voice, don't listen. I'm not offended.
I am a passionate volunteer for the Utah County Crisis Line, and a large part of my life is currently dedicated to preventing suicide, specifically in teens. One day, I would like to start my own charity organization in order to teach others of their individual worth, WHY life is worth living, and let them know someone is there, caring about their life.
My husband is pretty darn perfect. We are happier than I ever pictured life being. :) That's saying a lot because I imagined like circus balloons, and cotton candy every day, with free pony rides everywhere.
Most importantly, I am Shannon, and I AM happy.
Not every day is easy, and not every day is pretty, but I choose to be happy.
This world will tell you, "Stop trying, there is no point." But I am telling you, that you have another choice.
You CAN break through the grey, and you CAN achieve the things you have dreamed of. Life is meant to bring us happiness. I know that because I believe in more than life.
I believe in a much greater plan that helps me see past the sadness in the day-to-day and gaze instead upon eternity.
You can do the things you want to, and you can have the life you want to.
I'm inviting you to try.